It's "Chocolate Time"

... And I am not too excited about it happening.

I just hate it when I am unable to control my emotions days before my period come. I hate it when I feel lousy and sad without any rhyme or reason and flares up. I hate it when I yell and shout at others when the hormones "chemicalised" my temper and melt away the tolerance and self control that I normally have.

I hate it that I hate myself when it's "Chocolate Time". I hate it when I cannot manage my reactions to things happening and start to go lunatic over tiny matters. And to realise that the anger was over nothing in particular. I hate it when this period (no puns intended) is the time I will go back to the past events in my life that never work out. I hate it because the past seems to be laughing at my inability to get away from my weakness, still trapped in my present and weakness.

The crab bee hoon incident yesterday marked the beginning. Then today, I called myself "Stupid" when the fried fish bee hoon I ordered came without the milk (which was not suppose to be). It could be the negligence of the lady at the stall, for she "look angry" according to my colleague. But somehow, a thought just convinced me that I was stupid to be eating something OTHER than what I have been craving for for the past 12 hours. I think my repeatedly cursing myself "stupid" caught my colleague by surprise, because she didn't speak for sometime after I stop.

It wasn't something serious, yet I overreacted in such a manner that is closed to madness. I am guessing that there is a leak in my depression control. That's alarming. I don't want to fall back into depression mode again.

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Hence, the chocolates. I need chocolates during these times of trial. They are the only things that could possibly soothe the raging tempest.

Next to a pair of broad arms I could snuggle in that is. Which is never going to happen.

In the meantime, I'd just let the chocolate do the comforting.

Maybe

Maybe it's the intensity of the recent classes.
Maybe it's the PMS.
Maybe I am near the closing of another year.
Or maybe, I was just hungry, because I skipped dinner.

I had a sudden urge to eat Crab Bee Hoon from Melben, while I was on MSN chat with a friend last night. It's just, suddenly I thought I could smell the dish. Of course, it's not possible that someone was eating the food at such an unearthly time. (Sometimes I am amazed how the brain can "concoct" such thoughts in my head without physically placing the food in front of me.)

The desire became so intense that I put my desire together with my msn id. I was expecting someone to take notice of the change of nick, and invite me for some crab eating the next day. The friend whom I was chatting didn't see my intention; I don't blame her, she should be prudent with her money now, her wedding is going to happen soon.

I then resort to pop a smiley at another friend, in hoping that he will notice that too. I got a question mark in return. The intensity of the hunger was stronger than ever, and I was sleepy (I don't know how you attempt to understand that, but that was what I felt). There were no further response from him. I suddenly realised that he must be chatting with his potential soulmate, and wouldn't have time for me. So I promptly cut the wait short, said goodbye and logged out.

I was tired, I was sleepy and I was hungry. I did the most unimaginable thing I could do for 2006, or even my life ever. I made instant noodles and added an egg (there was no milk to mimic the milky taste of the crab bee hoon) for taste, and finished it promptly, in the middle of the night. "Well, I can always eat the fried fish bee hoon for lunch tomorrow," I resoned myself.

I went to bed asking myself why do I feel so nasty.

Maybe it's the intensity of the recent classes.
Maybe it's the PMS.
Maybe I am near the closing of another year.
Or maybe, I was just hungry, because I skipped dinner.

Or maybe, it's just a reminder that I ought not to expect that others will care about what Joyce is thinking, wanting, hoping.

Manage your expectations, Joyce, manage it well. You did well that time when you dropped your expectations. You can do it again.

Blogger Has Been Revived

... and my original blogskin is no longer the same :(

I was reading one of the forums when Blogger was down for the past 2 days, and thought that by applying one of the suggestions, ie. changing it, it might refresh my blog. But it did not. :(

But no worries, the template is saved, safe at home :) You will get to see it by tomorrow.

I hope.

But for now, I am just glad I got my blog back.

Concluding The Closing Of Another Year

I am going to blog even if Blogger will not publish my writings... I thought it would when I posted yesterday.

Let's see...

Today, specifically after lunch, my mind kept replaying my current financial situation. It was a regular practice for us to give our professor a dinner or lunch treat when they are in town. Today, we went to The Soup Restaurant (aiyoh, the thought of the Samsui Chicken and the yummy soup makes my mouth salivate! :) for lunch and I was with a table of ladies who were talking about less serious topic (compared to the next table saturated with politics and translation talk) such as shopping and travelling.

One of the avid traveller announced that she is heading to Hokkaido next week, and the rest of us went "Waaahhhh!". She went to Hong Kong last month after the exam, and her other travel ventures include the Silk Road, Europe and China. The conversation then went on to talk about what she can do at Hokkaido, such as "Soaking in Soup" (Japanese literal translation), which means soaking in hot springs, cheaper cosmetics and about the expensive travel taxes imposed by the various countries.

The topic then concentrated on the other ladies who have been to Japan or other countries for travelling. Someone commented that one of our classmates had suggested that we received our diplomas from the Nanjing University, instead of getting it here. I quietly smile along as they talked, but another part of me was thinking about my current financial situation. The thought lingered the entire afternoon, and stayed on even till now.

My bank account doesn't look too good, even though I have managed to retain a substantial amount from my freelance work. Now it's back to square one where it had started. I had anticipated the Nanjing trip, as some of them were talking about going to the province together to visit the professors who have taught us during our course. However, as you can read from my previous blogs, I did not regulate my expenditure (on top of the fact that I have to look into various bills every month), and as a result, the "Nanjing University Travel Funds" did not see great improvements in numbers.

I felt that I am a total letdown to myself. Why am I unable to keep a check on myself to make sure I spend within my budget? In fact, I think I am the most bothered at this point in time. It gets extremely gloomy the more I think about it.

So, I did the most sensible thing before I started this blog tonight.

I opened MS Excel and set up a spreadsheet of some sort to document the money that will be going in and out of the bank in the coming month. Yeah, I am doing my own financial planning. No, I did not consult an insurance agent (otherwise commercially known as Financial Service Consultants), because like it or not, I am still not comfortable of letting other people see this side of me, which I consider private.

In the past, I used to be very general when I put the expenses down, and it's probably due to the same reason that the practice was never continued, because the numbers were not balancing well.

This time round, I have made up my mind to write down every single cent I have, and how I spent them. In the past, it didn't occur to me that I need to include the cents, because I find them too much of a hassle to calculate, hence the messed-up planning (hey, I am not an accountant, I am a creative person!). But somehow, I think this time when I start the planning, the cents were not as "loose" as they were the last time. I poured out the coins from my purse and they added up to a complete $2. I am thinking (whether you agree with me or not), that this is God's way of telling me, "Now, I have started to make things easy for you, no messy coins to start with, so you better work things out this time."

And so, Joyce started her financial planning, at a ripe old age of almost-32. :)

I really, really want to make it work this time. And I want to see the fruits of this project.

Father God, I need you to help me on this. REALLY, REALLY. I can't do this alone by myself. Please help me to manage my finances and be a good steward to your riches. You know that I will NEVER splash my money on $488 music concert tickets (I've heard that there are $888 tickets! Is that MADNESS or what!). But I will need help in other areas such as shoes, bags, hangouts with friends and :( cupcakes. Please give me a tinkle whenever I have the urge to do you-know-what in stores. I know the final choice is up to me, but I really wouldn't mind you come knocking then. Thank you God, Amen.

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I want to share with you an excerpt short story from my current translation class, and it sort of reminded me of the things that I am doing, and will do in the future:

A man wanted to learn medicine, but couldn't make up his mind. He went to ask his friend, "I will be 45 in another 5 years (in China, a graduate will finish his course in the medical college in 5 years), can I still go for it?"

The latter replied "Why can't you? You will be 45 in 5 years, whether you go to medical college or not!" The man thought about it and realised that it was true. The next day, he went to register himself at the medical college.
...
There is a poem that goes like this, "Do you not know? The flowers bloom in their full glory, when you choose be ignorant, when you choose to hate; they bloom in their full splendour too when you choose to love."

Yes, the flowers will carry on blooming. Likewise, day after day, moments of joy are slipping through our fingertips. How you choose to spend your days, in joy or in sorror, is entirely up to you.

If not now, when?

Have a great Oct-Nov week!

It's Saturday Night, And I Have To Remember Chinese & English Common Expressions For Tomorrow!

I hateit-hateit-hateit when I get mosquito bites on the sole of my feet.

Seriously.

The skin down there is thicker than those on the other parts of our body, and somehow made it un-scratchable. And the itch will go and on and on... And you can't stop the itchiness. You can only touch the area that is around the bite hoping somewhat the soothing will diminish the itch.

I have just applied some calamine lotion that were prescribed to me when I had hives last month. Well, I can't seem to feel any difference. Maybe the skin is too thick for the cooling sensation of the lotion to be felt by the feet.

Arrrrggghhhhhhh. It's still ITCHY! :S

All suggestions to relieve the itches such as that are most welcome.

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I went to a New Asia Bar last night after class. It was suppose to be a hen's party night thingy for PA. But it was only attended by RA, myself and PA. Apparently, most of our friends are married and not available. Haha... Oh well. It's the company that counts, right?

The music was not that fantastic. It was difficult to dance to music that were... not for dancing. Oh well, at least the company and the drinks made up for the lack of it. Towards the end of the club's closing, an Indian came over to our side of the counter, on pretext of ordering a drink, struck a conversation with me. And me, being the friendly me, thought it was no harm just doing some chatting with people at a club. He introduced himself as "Someone" (couldn't remember his name) from KL, has been in Singapore for a month, and will be leaving soon.

Friends came back from their dancing, and he began to talk to them. I had to go to the ladies, so I stood up and left. When I came back, he brought a couple of his friends over and upon seeing me, told PA that he didn't know that I was a "Julia Roberts" (meaning I am very tall, I suppose. 'Cuz he was about a head and a half shorter than I. He didn't realise that when we were sitting down, haha! :) Guess my height scared him. Haha! :) I didn't talk to him thereafter. It was when RA told him "Could you please leave us for a while" that he left our side.

Later PA told me that if that Indian guy had not approached us, that tall Caucasian man who was sitting next to us might have approached us. Because she noticed him leaving soon after Mr Indian started to chat us up. Mr Tall Caucasian didn't seem to me that he is the kind who is looking for company though. He was alone, but he kept looking at his Blackberry for the ENTIRE NIGHT. I mean, how are we to know???

It didn't really bother me much. There were other similar brushes with strangers later, but I told PA, I don't care what they have on their mind, but I am going home. Fortunately, there were ready cabs available and I hop on one and headed home.

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Today I woke up and replayed the comment PA told me the night before about the Caucasian. I told myself I could have made friends with him if I stop and pretend to ask him "May I know why have you been staring at your gadget all night?" I mean, in any friendly circumstance, any guy would respond right?

Then I thought about how I could use PA's hen's night as an excuse to psycho him to get us a round of drinks.

There were a couple of moments I kicked myself and ask why didn't I do those things. It seemed so easy now that I reflected on them, yet I did not do it.

Well, simply because, I am not one who goes to bars to ask for free drinks, nor am I someone who goes to bars to meet men. I am there for the dancing and for the fun and thats it. It is never in my scheme of things to try to seduce or entice when in a bar or a club.

Oh well. It's over.

Will I do it the next time I am asked to go to a club? I don't know. It maybe yes, I think. Simply because I have reached an age that I know, I am a women. And I can be flirty and attractive to men, and use it to my advantage. And furthermore, I am single. That itself is more than enough reason for me to go out there to meet men in these places.

But am I desperate to find one in these clubs? No. Because I know fundamentally, most of these people are not believers. And I do not want to start on somethng that will not work out in the end. Not to mention, all the tug-of-war within and without that comes along in a relationship with a non-believer. I mean, I am sure God will not want me to hurt myself in that way.

Yes, I want to honour God in my life. I wouldn't call myself a Christian if I do not let Christ come before my desires and wants.

So there.

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Yaaayyyy... the calamine lotion has soothed stopped the itch! Woohooo!!!!! :)

Tonight, Tonight...

... I felt like writing a post of jumbled up thoughts...

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This morning, as I was doing my regular ritual in the toilet, a thought floated by...
"What if the people around you have been lying to you all this time? What if, what they tell you aren't what they are? What if they weren't telling the truth, or half truths? Or quart-truth, or one-eight of the truth..."

It was a very Truman Show moment.

Of course, we know we lie at some point or another. Sometimes when we compliment another person, it was just to stall for time, or to get something out of that person. Sometimes, just to "entertain" that person.

I asked myself at the mirror, how would you react to that. "If that person intended to lie to me, there is nothing I can do, what. He/she chose to lie to save herself/himself, to hurt me, to give me false security, false hopes... All of which I have no control of. "

"It's not as if I have not been lied to in my life. Heck, even my mother lied to me. She promised me that she will buy me a calculator that can play the "shooting" game when I was in primary school if I do good in my maths. I never got my prize, because family was really poor then, when mom had to raise us up while dad continue to gamble money away. I can't control that, and certainly can't blame her for that. It's just... Don't give me false hopes or promises if you cannot fulfill them.

Like when he told me that he thinks that I might be 'the one'. "

There weren't any concluding thoughts thereafter, things were left just that.

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I need to read up more. It's a plan that I keep postponing. I have to read more, otherwise, my language skills will go to waste. It's bad that I don't even know the chinese word for "silicon" or "chip" during class tonight.

Things have to move on after this course is over. And move F A S T. Freelance, freelance!

Oh, I have to pay attention to my grammer skills. They are really bad.

Sorry if you have been sitting through them since you knew about this blog. I have resolved to make things better.

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I watched "The Prestige" last night. I watched it mainly for Hugh and Christian. Heh. Didn't really know what the show was about before I see it. Haha.

Arrhh.. Magic... And Hugh is the bad guy? Michael "that accent" Caine... as good as he has always been. Christian Bale is a much better actor than that Leonardo Cappuccino guy. He's just so good at portraying the emotions of human being. Very good.

Ok, no more spoilers. Go see the movie yourself :)

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This two weeks will be a crazy week of activities for me. I hope I keep my sanity.

God, please help!

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New cupcake discovery!

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"Joyce, have you lied seriously to the others too? C'mon, don't kid yourself..."

Hello Everyone I Am Back

This is possibly one of my most seasoned trip to KL. There wasn't massive shopping like the previous time. There wasn't a mad rush to spend all my RM away before I leave the country. I could understand and converse with the locals in Malay (with the Malays/Indians) or Cantonese (Chinese).

Compared to the last trip I had back in January, there wasn't as much spiritual burden I lugged with me. I mean I could actually sense that I was a much happier person enjoy my time there, compared to the me then.

There were many thoughts to reflect on and conversations to ponders. One of the significant event we had was when I had requested my host to call up the friends whom we met through IRC (back in the days of IRC chatting) for a small gathering. Except for a couple friend who couldn't make it because one was out of town, and the other had to take care of her children who are sick, the rest turned up. All of them are now married with minimum 1 kid.

During the entire session, I did not feel that I was the odd one out, without "fruits". Instead, I found myself quietly heaving a sigh of relief that I am not married, with children. It seemed to have convinced me that I really do not need a marriage or children to verify my existence in this world. Somehow, I looked at these parents with kids, and for the first time, feel relieved *and thank GOD!* that I do not have to get myself into childbearing, child rearing, child raising... And all that tests that is required for a married person.
I told you I am a late bloomer...

So... It kinda ministered to one part of me that was very bothered with my why-am-I-still-single-at-this-age. It was what I need to get out of the self-pity hole.

But that only fix one part of the whole problem that I have. However, I am glad that a question has been answered.

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That being said, somehow I still feel some hormonal imbalance. Think the PMS is going to recur itself on me soon. Feeling moody and tempermental shall be the norm soon. I think it's already started itself. :(

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Oh, guess what?

I wore it :) Figured there wasn't any harm wearing it, so I wore it.

Friend and her mother both loved it. Didn't really change much on my view on it though. :)

Have a great rest of the week!

Sign,
the Blacky Narcotic Rabbit

Supper Time

Just want to send this up before I leave for KL...

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Supper was eaten at Happy Valley HongKong Cafe along Tiong Bahru Road (at the junction of Tiong Poh Road) last night, to discuss the schedule for JU and PA's wedding.





Clockwise: JU's wonton noodle, peanut butter toast, double-BBQ (pork + duck) and Special Sauce Chicken.

They put the same sauce in the wonton noodle and the double-BBQ. Which taste good. The pork and duck meat used in the double-BBQ were tender and sweet. We gave it ****

Nothing fantastic about the toast, nor the (supposedly) Special Sauce Fried Chicken. It seems like they did not use fresh oil to fry the chicken. Maybe that's why it's a "Special Sauce" Chicken, suggested PA. All agreed it was **

I'm sorry I don't have the contact details. The brand was not displayed on their cutlery or glasses or cups. Unlike Xin Wang at Marina Square. But you will not miss the place if you come down from CTE or from Outram Road.

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Before that, we went to watch "THE DEPARTED".

- Leonardo de Caprio... Still can't act. He is trying for the mature roles, what with those tattoos and a more beefed up phsique. I just find him trying too hard for the role of desperate Bill. I prefer Tony Leung's portrayal of the undercover cop.

- Matt Damon is good, good, good. He is still my favourite actor.

- Jack Nicholson is the best actor of all. Martin Sorcese has chosen the right man for the role.

- The US production gives the audience a better understanding of the story compared to the HK one. I think the HK one has a weaker build up on character and storyline, sometimes trying too hard. But it's nonetheless my favourite HK movie by far.

- If you like the HK "Infernal Affairs", you will like "The Departed".

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Ok, I am going to get ready for my KL trip. Ciao! ;)

I Have Lost The Capability To Talk About Myself

This sentence seemed to have woke me up from my years of clam up slumber. It was a diversion from an original topic that came up when I was talking to a friend regarding being made used of as a dumping ground.

I've long been used to being among groups of people and being the quiet one. There was nothing in my life worth gossiping about in a group. I don't have a boyfriend, I am not a high flyer, I don't have kids, don't own a car, I am not rich, I haven't been to the more developed countries for tours, etc etc... I am a boring person.

Well, to be fair, there are moments when I want to share bits about my life. There were opportunities when a certain interesting life subject/topic was raised, and I was asked to give my view and my take about it. In my heart, I wanted to express my thoughts, but I would start with a "Erm... Well, I've never thought about it" as a farce, and "goreng" myself to talk about my inner thoughts about the matter. If I am lucky, that is.

Many times, the thoughts never did get let out, because during my pause, the person next to me would have interjected in and express his/her view and took over the time that was suppose to be mine. Their views, it seems, are more important than mine, and hence, they probably think it's better that they speak, then for me to murmur.

So, I have learned to clam up. Nobody will want to hear my mutterings, I decided. Their problems/thoughts are more overwhelming then mine, and truly deserve the attention of the group. Mine's... Nothing. Whatever thoughts I have will not change the world, because I am but a very small speck in other people's life, let alone the world.

And through the years, I don't talk about myself when in groups. I smiled with them, I laughed them, I joked with them, I teased them. I talk about the haze affecting our weather, or the latest Chinese song that I've learn to sing so that I can sing it at the KTV, or about the latest yummy food that I have tasted.

They can talk about their problems at work, problems with families or friends, or their love entanglments, their overseas travelling, their work which requires them to work till late in the night, their children's learning curve, their latest car, their in-laws, their maids...

And I will just listen, occasionally interrupting the conversation with more questions about their lives, and listen somemore. If the arrow turns to me, I'll just casually brushed it away "Me? Nothing's happening lah! Haha... Life is the same-old, same-old... Haha..."

It's not that I do not know about it. I know I am withholding others to know me better and I have tried to tell myself that I need to talk more about myself. But I mis-translated that as being engaging, to be more involved in the lives of others, and I asked even more questions about them so that I can let the other party know that I am not just any superficial conversationalist. So that the attention will always on the other person, and not on me.

And it has now evolved such that (read title).

So really, it's not that I do not want to share about bits about my life. I don't know how to do so. So please forgive me if you are frustrated that you are unable to know the real me.

It's not you, it's me.

Monday, Monday...

For those of you who missed GA. Too bad. It's the last episode of Season 2. You probably have to wait for a while before it comes back as Season 3. Channel 5 does not seem to like GA alot. There wasn't any announcement about what show will take it's slot now that the show has reached it's final. I am crossing my fingers hoping that they will continue Season 3. But I think it's just FAT hope :)

Haiz. Meredith, oh Meredith. Why do you want to get yourself tangle up again?

Cristina is well on her way to defrost that icy, selfish character built through years of competitive learning.

George is getting on to the next level with Dr Cally (yes, the Physiotherapise/Chiropractor who is of a bigger size than him).

Izzy lost a love forever.

And many other things. There's not much to write about it now, 'cos most of the story is revolves around the doctors, and how they handle their problems when they themselves do not know what is going wrong/on. Like us. But the problems are personalised based on the doctor/intern, so there is only so much of real life it displays.

But I still thinks it's a good show.

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Nothing much at the home front.

Monday is a normal day for me. Nothing to report.

The End.

More Cupcakes Photographs

Courtesy of Colleague (I reminded her that she must take pictures of all the cakes :)

Friends of her daughters ask, "Are they real?" :)
Enough said :))

Tourist Day

Note:

I was at VIVO CITY last Sunday. It wasn't VIVIO CITY as mentioned earlier. Hope I did not cause you all embarassment when you mentioned it to your friends. Apologies if you did. :(

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Had a couple (literally) of friends coming over from KL, and I played tour guide/tourist for the day.

The morning started with worship at City Harvest Church. Apparently, the church seems to have become a famous must-see sight of Singapore. I've never been there before, and was game to go and observe the service. Even though the name of the church reminded me of THAT man...

I can see why it's such a popular church. It is a church that understands the changing trend of the pop culture, and adjusted itself. However, sometimes too adjusted, I feel. Though I have to agree, the worship, though it "rocked" is pretty spirit-filled.

I told my friends that they were in for a "deluxe" service today. Because, apparently, the church is going through another "Arise and Build" phase. And the worship service was about an hour, which included a history of the church. According to the high-tech presentation, which follows a rather commercial-look-alike annoucement video clip, the church has an attendance of 22,000 at present.

Yep. 22,000.

And because of the current membership and their vision to expand, the are now appealing for members for faith pledge to make it happen. And the (sermon) message, delivered by Pastor Kong Hee (looking trendy in jeans and a [I believe it's a True Religion] black T-shirt with an embellished Tiger/Jaguar looking animal on it)) was talking about putting your money where your heart is. Something to that effect. All's ok. But I rolled my eyes when he said, give to God and he will reward you many fold, because God can outgive us all. Somehow, the "prosperity gospel" red light seemed to light up on the top of my head.

Anyways, it was really an eye-opener. Overall, I think the church is not as bad as it was projected in the media. One has to be in the congregation to understand why they do certain things. All I can say is, they appeal to a different group of churchgoers... Probably not my type :)

(Btw, I hear today that the church is getting Delirious and Newsboys to town in Dec. I am thinking of going. I like Newsboys :)

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We then went to Esplanade, cos couple friend thought maybe they would give Sentosa a miss. And look what we saw at the concourse of the Esplanade.





These are works of local artist, Victor Tan-something. They are such beautiful works constructed using wires ONLY. Here, you are only showed 10% of what he has done. You gotta go see it to appreciate it. It's really worth go-see.

Then we walked and walked, from Esplanade to Merlion to Fullerton, to Singapore River to Empress Place to Victoria Memorial Hall, to old Subordinate Court, to Funan Centre. After realising that it may not worth him the while to buy a digital camera here, we proceed to have Ya Kun and took a train to Orchard Road.

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His wife was trying to see if there are any dresses she could buy to attend a wedding. So I brought them to Tangs. Upon reaching the ladies wear, I told them we could go do our own stuffs and meet again later.

I spent quite sometime at a accessories counter and the shoe department. Told myself that I shouldn't buy any shoes cos I've just got 2 pairs last week. Managed well so far...

Then I step into The Island Shop and saw the accessories hanging there. I've always loved accessories from The Island Shop, and something at the back of my mind reminded me that I need a necklace in black. After spending sometime at the accessories and several moments at the mirror later, I bought myself a necklace. Hehe...

I was ready to look for them, but was surprised to know that they have wondered a couple blocks away to the Paragon, and were happy to manage themselves there. So my mission has completed. He has reminded me to look him up when I go to KL next week.

Heheh.... Oh, I am sure to look him up then. :)

Erm... The End.

I Did Not Mention

That in addition to the blast-worthy day I had last Sunday, the day ended with us hanging out at a bar/cafe/restaurant at Changi. I think it's called "Barks" or something, just next to the old Changi prison/chapel.

It was a winding down moment for all of us, after that sumptuous crab dinner. Among the company were JU and PA, the couple who are about to be wedded, RC - PA's secondary school friend, JN - a friend we've known during our IRC days and myself.

The chill-out time turned out to be a night where everyone chip in to help resolve some of RC's brushes with relationships. She confessed that she "is very tired", and is looking for someone who has "a shoulder to lean on". She is one firm believer that the girl should never make the move. However, through the years, her withholding back costs her some unrequited love, and even affected friendships.

So the rest of us (I didn't really say much) were trying to help her analyse and diagnose the "what went wrong" as she shares her experiences. It was a fruitful night because everyone had a chance to express their thoughts about relationships, or talk about their own. It was a comfortable group, and there were openess in the sharing.

At one moment, there was a pause, and JN turned to look at me and said, "So let's talk about you. You've been pretty quiet. How about you? Have you got any stories to share?" And rolled his eyes.

I rolled mine. "No, no, there's nothing happening to me."

"Not even at the bus stops, trains, office, hawker centres?"

"Nolah. It takes only 2 train stops from my home to office, how can anything happen?!"

He didn't probe further, and the topic went back to RC and helping her see things she never knew was happening in her friendships with the "potentials".

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I wasn't about to share with them that I have given up hope in the relationship aspect. I have become cynical and really, don't care two hoots about finding any kind of love. There was once when I shared this mindset to a group of ladies from PC, only to have those who are married telling me that I am too "pessimistic". Hence, I don't tell people my real feelings anymore.

I believe it has done wonders to me. I am liberated from the cares of "When will I ever be in a relationships". My thoughts are not on getting that guy/men's attention, but really, just to be myself, and enjoy my privilege as a single 30-something. No one to be accountable too, buying shoes I like ("Tall-enough-still-buy-heels" comments do not matter to me anymore), do shopping as I like, get things for people I like, doing favours for others as I like (then complain to myself about being too helpful)...

True, there were times I wonder why a "multi-talented" woman who is suitably normal like me doesn't get any dates... I design, I do web, I can converse in Mandarin and English, I am learning to do translation, I sing pretty well, I am very-very kind, very-very helpful, I am not naggy, I don't look my age (READ: younger), I am tall, I am of average weight, I watch soccer, I like the beach, I like all genres of music...

Man, I have no idea what happened.

It is what it is now, so let's leave it as it is.

I Give Up.

Big Smile :)

When Colleague decided to place an order for some of these lovely cupcakes for her daughter's birthday celebration yesterday, I just have to place my orders too.

Don't they look oh-so-dainty? :) And YES, they are all the same. A box of 16, and another box of 8 (Colleague "kidnapped" the other babies cos she didn't have enough for the party)

Ok-ok... My camera did no justification to the designs. It was low on battery :(

To order, call Joyce (not me) of Carnival of Co.

My sisters and nieces are so fortunate to be related to me... (Heheheee :)

I Am Eating... Again...

At this rate I am going, you can imagine how many inches my waist has gained. And I see new units on my weighing scale everyday :( This is not good :(



Clockwise from top left: Scene of Crime, Waraku Japanese Restaurant, 2) My salmon sashimi set, 3) Sliced Onion with Onion skins in Mayonnaise (Very strong taste), 4) Beef Udon Set



1) Udon + Cold Noodle+Rice set, 2) Mix Vegetable Tempura, 3) Yummy Deep Fried Lotus

The place is Waraku Japanese Restaurant 6 Raffles Boulevard, Marina Square # 01-213
Singapore 039594 ( Located at ground floor of Marina Square)

Verdict: Not a bad location for Japanese food. Sashimi was fresh, Deep Fried Lotus is yummy. Overall, no major complaints on food, except that the Mixed Vegetables Tempura was not thoroughly cooked first time round (I had to request the waitress for a change, cos I don't think I can eat uncooked flour). The tempura has too much flour, hence they seemed gigantic. It's the flour.
Staffs are friendly and helpful.

Cost: For the above, we spent appr. $78. UOB card members get 10% discount.

I may consider going there again.

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After dinner, I returned home to watch Project Runway. Was coming out of toilet after doing the make-up and contact lens removal stuffs, and I saw this hanging on my wardrobe door:



I don't remember getting a T-shirt in this Bandung pink before. Upon closer examination, the T-shirt has these writings on it:



Under normal circumstances, I will never buy this kind of T-shirts. 'Cos somehow I think I am not that kind of person who wears this kinda T-shirt. It's totally out of the question that the two men in my house bought it, cos one is in Reservist (not that he will buy anyway), and the other would rather spend money on beer and Bei Pio (lottery) than to buy me something.

It was my mother?!

Saw mom at the kitchen and she told me she bought the top from a export shop at Lau Pa Sat. It costs her $5, and "the lady also say it's very pretty". So I ask mom, "Do you know what does the word on the T-shirt reads?" "What does it say?" “中毒的黑兔子。”

"Do you dare to wear it?" came the response.

My mother really surprises me. She has always has comments about me wearing skirts or shorts above knees, and I had thought that words like that will set her nagging, but here she is, asking me if I want to wear a T-shirt that says that I am a black narcotic rabbit.

I suspect she wants me to wear it because the price of the T-shirt make it a steal not to wear it.

Oh well. I get a new T-shirt to wear (although I do not know when is a good occasion to wear it, MOS moments mebbe?!).

Mom really surprises me :)

You've Got No Mail

It feels kinda weird not seeing anything in my webmail inbox for this first half of the day.

I mean, everyday when I refresh the inbox, I would see junkmails, forwarded mails, mails I subscribed too, etc etc... Yes, it can be quite irritating seeing unwanted emails and spending time deleting them from the inbox.

Yet, when I consistently see no emails, It really feels weird. Feels like I am not a part of the world, that I do not know what is going on... It feels as if I do not exist in anybody's world. Not even any emails from the US encouraging me to enlarge a part of me which I do not have...

Then, there are no emails from people I know personally. No news from them. No updates. It never really bother me previously, but somehow it does today.

Or maybe I should appear in their inbox, instead of me expecting their mails to appear in my inbox.

. . . ......

Weekend Moments... (Updated with Pix)

My Primary 1 niece is at such an adorable age now (for Primary School going kids, that is)... She is at a stage where she is the oldest at home, but the youngest at school. Learning things of life, learning to explore, learning to share.

It's hard to explain, but I find some of her actions/antics extremely adorable. I was attempting to wash my toilet when they visit on Saturday, and she, being a Primary 1, seemed pretty curious about the "fun" I am having, and was ever so eager to help me move things in/out of the toilet.

There are moments when I caught her in deep thoughts, and then broke into a smile. When we were shopping in Daiso at Plaza Singapura, she'd join in the decision making when I was trying to decide which Christmas ornament/decorations to purchase (yes, they are now available! :) The way she reasons, and then conclude with "aiyah, buy 2 lor!" in mannerism like ours, it makes me smile. Then there are the moments when she will ask me questions like, "Sanyi, why are you not married huh?" Or when my sister related to me on how the Big Niece told her to go upstairs and get money to buy drinks to 2 of her sister's friends, while the Gu-gu take care of them. The friends (kindergarten kids) had outrightly asked my sister to buy them drinks (their mother was not around and their maid didn't bring the money) because they were thirsty. And Big Niece was so generous to want to buy them drinks.

Such childlike innocence. She is learning to think for others and being the "big sister". And just like us adults, sometimes, she wanted too much to give, which sometimes, may not be the best solution.

It's just lovely to see her learning to handle things in life in tiny ways.

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Sunday morning, I woke up praising God for a haze-free morning. Mom had commented the night before that if the haze gets worse, she ain't going to church. I was thinking the same too But God thought otherwise :)

As I walked to the worship venue (Yes, I walk to church nowadays :), I am constantly reminded that without the haze, we woudn't appreciate clean clear air. Just like without the hazy season I was going through last August, I wasn't able to see clearly where I should head to spiritually. And now, it's getting clearer.

After service, I had a (I would consider) long chat with a lady who is also from PC. We exchange our thoughts about PC and basically it was a good time to catch up with her and find out about the what and who happenings since they've left PC.

Then, wanting to celebrate the haze free day, I sms PA and ask her if she want to hang out. While waiting for her reply, I went to Great World City and bought 2 pairs of shoes. Hehehe...

Met PA and JU at the later part of Sunday and join them to finalise details with the bar where they will be having their solemnisation. Went for a quick walk at VivioVivo City before that, and was very impressed by the "decks" of the shopping mall overlooking to Sentosa. Beautiful!



Left: VivioVivo City is just beside the Keppel Wharves/Port, leading to Sentosa
Right: View of VivioVivo City exterior


Left: The 2-level decks! They go on and on... I think I am beginning to like this place!
Right: View of the ground from 2nd level deck. There's so much S P A C E!!

It was at Sentosa that I was unofficially named as the wedding coordinator. I had suggested to the couple that they should have someone to oversee the whole event so that they wouldn't gabra on the actual day. On suggestion by the bar owner, they named me their coordinator. :P So, I will be busy again even after I had finished my freelance and cardmaking stints :P

Dinner time, we met two other friends for a sumptuous crab dinner, at where else? Of course, Melben. Pictures below will tell you the story. :)



1) Sea Asparagus, 2) Chilli Crab (not their best crab dish though), 3) BUTTER CRAB! Yummy!



1) Veggies (Xiao Bai Cai), 2) Pork Ribs in Lotus Leaf (they taste better cooked Mongolian style), 3) Man Tou (Buns, deep fried), 4) Fried Toufu

So there you go. A busy week for an enjoyable weekend. It was a blast! :)

Blogger is currently undergoing major ER.

Check back later.

Happy Feet

I am so looking forward to the movie! :D

Children's Day Weekend

Saturday
Took nieces to the Esplanade for a drawing competition. It's my first time doing this with them, and I observed alot of things...

First of all, the theme of the drawing contest was "What makes me smile". However, I saw some kids drawing the "durian". Some drew the Merlion, some drew aeroplanes flying past Changi airport...

I mean, THOSE THINGS makes them smile meh? Before we left, I saw a boy (about 11-12 years old?!) and his sister (or cousin) was made to stand in front of the banner of the drawing competition so that the mother ( I think) could take a picture of them. He frowned while holding his artwork, which depicts him playing computer AT THE ESPLANADE.

I mean... What the... I don't know. Maybe I am biased. Maybe they do like to spend time at the Esplanade. But I sure feel that they were "made" to draw the durian...

Nieces were happy though :) Elder one drew


the Winx (I think?) Club animated cartoon,

and the younger one drew


her dolly.

We then went to have ice cream, chocolate strawberries and coffee (for me) at Chocz. Original intention was to have fondue, but the shop wasn't open. We then walk abit before heading home. By then I was pretty much gone, as I was doing some card work the night before. Thankfully, it rained after we left, drizzle a little when we reached the bus stop, and we managed to reach home before the rain came down again, in full force.

We had mooncakes later in the evening after dinner. Mostly ice-cream mooncakes. Gelare bought by 2nd sis, and Swensens one bought by me. Eldest sis bought some traditional ones. The skin of the Swensens ones are pretty thick, though the ice-cream filling was good. Gelare alchoholic ones comes with "snow skin". Quite nice. Don't know what brand the traditional one came in though. (Apologies, no pictures, cos too busy trying to finish the ice-cream before it melts! :) I was stuffed.

Stayed up again to do a webwork... Tired.

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Sunday.
When I stepped into the worship hall today, was pleasantly surprised to see the stage filled with children and their worship leader. Even the adult worship leader was dressed casually, to reflect the "young" theme.

As I worship along, I was reminded of PC, and wonder what are they doing for children's day this year. Then the thoughts evolved, and I find myself landing on the word "pragmatic" as I compared PC with the current church.

It finally dawned upon me that pragmatism of the PC was the main reason why I left it. Things were done with purpose, always. If there is nothing to be gain from it, there is no point pursuing it. "Pure Fun" is not a common term used, somehow, there is always some hidden agenda in everything we do (then). Things were done, and must follow, a certain pattern. Be safe, be careful, keep up your appearances, behave yourselves, don't go overboard, control yourself... There are seldom times the church folks enjoy the presence of God. You are there, so show reverence and proper manners. These are definitely not wrong, God should be worshipped and adored. However, enjoying the presence of God, having fun with one another in a celebrity mood is seldom seen.

Turning back to the current church, it was a joyous occasion celebrating Children's Day. Everyone, even the church members had fun celebrating it. Everyone had smiles on their faces and with one another. It's not that kind of "Awww... Children... So cute!! So adorable!! Look at those children being awkward on stage, but still cute" kinda smiles.

It's the kind of "We are glad we have children in our midst" smile. It's the kinda smile that tells you that the fun doesn't just belong to just the children, it's also the fun that anyone who is there can enjoy. It's the smile that tells you that hey, we are having as much fun as anyone here today!

So yep. That was the revelation of the day.

Updated: The puppets sang "Sweet Home Alabama" during one of the presentation. I thought the music was kinda familiar initially. And then *DING!* Bo Bice came to mind! :) Everybody swayed to the music. It was fun! ;)
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Anyone who reads XIN MIN DAILY NEWS should know that they are famous for reporting gossips and news of adultery, sexual harrassment, gold-diggers. Today I flipped the evening news and saw yet another news report of Singaporean men married foreign brides, and the number is rising. In comparison, it reported, Singaporean women are not willing to marry to a foreigner.

So, what is it trying to tell us? Although not clearly stated, it's still putting the figures down to show that Singaporean women are difficult.

Whatever.