Do You Flirt?

When does one flirt? When do you know that your conversation or body language is sending signals to another person?

For a long time, I think flirting is a wrong thing to do. Well, you can figure how long a time that has been. Unaware, during the recent years of my life, I realised that I have been flirting using conversations and body languages, without consciously knowing it. It was only when others point out to me that someone is flirting with me, or that I am flirting with someone, that I realise I am actually doing it. Heck, I am smiling even as I am typing this. At this point in time, I guess flirting is just harmless fun :)

Know why this topic came up? I was having this conversation with this certain guy, and while talking, I thought he was flirting with me! How do I know? Well, I think the telling signs was when he tried to make himself look pitiful at some point of a conversation, trying to win my attention and sympathy somewhat. IMO. THAT, to me, is trying to gain a ladies attention, hence, equals to flirting.

Then while having dinner with family at a food court yesterday, I tried my luck at the pizza man, to see if he remembers me, as my colleague and I gave our comment to the food his kitchen cooked the other day when we went there for lunch. He did, gave me a broad smile, and when I commented that the queue was long (aka means good business), he complaint to me that yes business is good, but there are not enough helper. With that kinda look. You know that kinda look that expects you to respond with offer to help in return.

At the end of the day, flirting with the chef, or in local context, helpers at a food stall, is really, harmless fun. Just make the eating experience a little more fun and less like a transaction.

I mean, at any normal day, I don't think a typical Singaporean talks to the food stall helper. Unless it's a your favourite stall. The hawkers too, do not expect you to be friendly to them.

Anyway, back to the topic of flirting... I think flirting is achieved when both parties understands and engages themselves in the flirting.

Ur oh. Just checked the Social Issues Research Centre website, they did not list down "food places" as one of the "Where to flirt". LOL. Funny. Anyway, go check the site out. Interesting :)

If you think that is too much to read, read the article at AskMen.com. These are tips for you to know if she/he is flirting with you.

Girls, you should read this. We oughta know too!

Haha... This is fun. I am off to copy this at the Pathetic Sg Men blog. Tata! :)

Elizabethtown

Their marathon cellphone conversation reminded me of the marathons I had with him.

Haiz.

Ice Cream Cone - Sweetness that melts within 5 mins.

Intrepid - Huh? What's that?

Substitute.

Traditional.

Orlando Bloom is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!

What is greatness to you?

A love till the end. Love till the end.

Free Bird. Bo Bice.

I wanna visit that hotel where Martin Luther breathed his last.

Do you know what you want? Do you want it very hard?

Slightly disturbed by MSN-er with fOrEvEr bIg aNd sMaLl cAps nIcK. Argh.
(Why do I always have to be so blunt?)

Claire and Drew together.

Stop. Eject DVD.

Looked up Intrepid:

Resolutely courageous; fearless. See Synonyms at brave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Latin intrepidus : in-, not; see in-1 + trepidus, alarmed.]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
intre·pidi·ty (-tr-pd-t) or in·trepid·ness n.
in·trepid·ly adv


Wow, what a big patch of skin peeled off my ankle.

Crazy Friday...

Even though both bosses were not in the office today, we did not have a senang day as we expected in the office. It was crazy. Clients went crazy and suppliers went crazy and uncooperative, especially that stupid server guy.

I am mentally very tired now. Never in my working day here was I made to handle so much things going on in the office today. There came a point that I couldn't understand what my colleague was talking about.

And she was speaking in English.

What she said simply didn't register in my brain as a human language. I couldn't make out what she said. So strange...

Anyhow, after typing this, we are going to leave the office, and start our long weekend. Was asked a few times by others about what are my plans for the holidays. Even though I do have a few engagements in the evenings on each day, it didn't felt as if I have something on. You know, that the day is not used fully. But I think I shan't speak too fast. Lest I end up complaining why didn't I do what I should do on Monday night.

Hmm... The progress package money already in liao... Where to go shopping huh? ;)

Hehehehe....

I Desperately Need To Make New Friends

Found myself hopping from one search engine to another, one chat site to another, one friends site to another, one online dating to another tonight. Desperately trying to look for new ways that I can make new friends.

I don't know how to make friends online anymore. I mean past experiences... Or maybe web users have all grown out of chatting online dating. IRCs are infested with tweens or teens who whine online more than they talk. Otherwise, it would be the sex-hungry perverts chatting online.

How? Jia lat. So bored. In this day and age of shorter expiry date for friendships, people on my MSN hardly chat with me, let alone hang out with me. People on Friendsters are worse.

Is it me or am I facing a universal problem? Just feel so lonely leh... How, how, how?

The thought of SDS still shudders me... It's... so SET UP. So unnatural. Maybe I should go pick up a sports or activity on the PA website...

I wanna get out of this situation. Somebody help me!

Attempts To Manage Herself

With reference to my previous post on managing expectations:

I think the notion of managing my expectations is more like... Bear the consequences of the choices I made about expectations of others. If I have low expectations of people, I will be happier, and the people will probably be surprised why don't I get offended by their comments and actions, why am I so cooperatative. I will have more friends; people will see my low expectations as a worthy point as their friend, because I will never expect them to be perfect. I may compromise my pride and integrity so that others can be happy.

On the other hand, if I have high expectations of people, I will have lesser or no friends at all, because nobody is perfect; Others see the true side of me, of my intolerance of certain unacceptable behaviour or remarks; I will not be swayed to make compromising decisions because I am not ready to do things that do not meet my expectations or my ideals. I do not compromise my pride in the process. I can keep my dignity.

Will I be happy if I have high expectations? Maybe Yes, because I satisfy my own desires, my own way of doing things, my own targets, my own perfect world. It could be a No too. By pleasing myself, holding on to my ideals, being obstinate and stubborn, I make other people unhappy. Will I be happy then? Am I the kind of person who would be unhappy if others are unhappy?

By nature, I guess it is a No. But... I have come to a point that I must learn to stay neutral even if other people are unhappy. I can't please everyone. If I do, I would be stepped on and treaded on like dust. Because, people don't see this initiative as an effort. They see it as a given, that they deserve it. IMO at least.

Meanwhile, I am still struggling...

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Uniquely Singaporean Things (Part 1)

No, this is not a goverment propaganda. Just want to list down why is this country so different.

1) This was copied from The New Paper National Day write-up last year: Any lady who is more senior than us, we call them Aunty; any male who is senior that us are referred to as Uncle.

2) Our unique brand of humour. It's not American or British brand kinda humour. In fact, it's a bit on the rough side. Unpolished. Think Under One Roof, Phua Chu Kang in their earlier days. Yet, it gets us laughing. Because it's about us. In fact, I was inspired to write this when I saw repeated trailers of Singapore Idol. The humour is so Singaporean.

3) The Singapore version of broken English-speaking citizens: Ah Bengs and Ah Lians.

4) Homemade Ice-cream on rainbow-coloured bread. It was something new to an American friend when he came visit some years ago.

This are what I can think of for now.

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I think one of the reasons we blog is because finally we have a place to write anything ABOUT US. ABOUT OURSELVES and other things that concerns us. Kinda like a personal show and tell kinda things, isn't it?

The Tall Loh Soh Ah Soh And Her Grouses

Help! I think I have too many things in my life to write about! I have too many things that I want to give my views on! I am just a super duper Loh Soh Blogger!!

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At yesterday's cell group, we watch a first half of Discovery Channel's programme on the Gospel of Judas which was discovered in 1978 and is not creating a hoo-haa in both secular and the Christian community. That gospel was one of the books that didn't make the mark in the earlier church and had to be excluded from the compilation of the Holy Bible. The authenticity of the papyrus writings was proven, that it was written about 30 or 300 A.D. However, the claim that Judas was Jesus' favourite disciple and he was the one that Jesus revealed the Kingdom of God first was an uncomfortable claim in the Christian world. So too, is the claim that Jesus instructed Judas to betray him.

For me, it doesn't matter if the Gospel of Judas exist or not. Or if his gospel was rejected by the earlier churches because it's a bit on the extreme side. The bottomline is Jesus did die for the entire world, and it is the will of God for him to die in that manner. All these little trivia (I call them) are basically distractions to get us busy with investigation than to carry on the mission and the commission. Just like The Da Vinci Code. I don't know why, but people love distractions. They love controversies. And can't wait to prove each other wrong. Christians to secular scientists. Scientist to scientists. Christians to christians. Christians to authors. Authors (who does not apologise for the controversy his novel created) and Christians. Christians and christians.

Anyhow, that's my thought... It just boils down to human nature. We all want to win.

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GA tonight.

Meredith has a new hairstyle. So does Izzy. And the whole hospital knows about what happened to Derek and Meredith, and she became the hottest gossip. Dr Bailey stopped Derek from tryinq to talk to her, to stop him from causing her more harm.

Cristina kena sabo from the head nurse for stealing a pregnant patient. Male pregnant patient. She thinks Dr Bailey is trying to sabo her for having a relationship with Burke. But of course she was wrong and thru her own mouth, she let the cat out of the bag.

And Alex finally kissed Izzie, days after their first date. Her days of wondering if he likes her is over. All thanks to a girl he took care of. Meanwhile, the pregnant man attracted attention among the staff and Meredith has to chase them away. Cos she feels the same for herself. Undesired attention.

Derek and Addison are trying to work out their relationship at the counsellor's office. However, seems like they are not really in tune with each other.

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I used to get undesired attention myself. Having started work right after my 'O' levels, I used to get stares from commuters in the MRT trains because they have never seen a girl so tall before. During that time, young girls were rather small size. I really hated the attention. Good thing I didn't slouch because of that. But I really really hate to have people look at me like I am some weirdo. Even in the workplaces, I didn't get alot of empathy when I first join the company. I still get made fun of till this day.

I mean, what is wrong with these people? I didn't ask to be 1.78m tall. If you are insecure about your height, don't take me to the firing squad and don't make me a clown. It really bothered me for the next 10 over years until I decided, enough is enough.

I am not going to care whether people feel intimidated about my height. I am not going to care if I get cynical remarks from those who always stands short next to me. I will strut my stuff and look up straight when I walk on the street. And wear heels if I want to. I am going to do what I like to do. Sorry if my being tall is sending you shivers. I can't help it if you feel that way.

Sometimes, somethings really do happen to me, and I seriously, didn't ask for them to happen.

Applying And Appalling...

Today before, during and after church, I thought about my expectations of people. And wondering if my expectations are getting higher and higher, so much so that it is not very possible that they are all fullfilled by people around me, hence I end up being miserable because these expectations are not met.

As I reflect on my expectations, it seems to me that they are indeed getting higher and higher. Sometimes, I think my requirements are much more impossible to achieve as the years go by. My expectations of "friendship" especially, has gone up alot. My expectation of the church too, has dramatically changed for the past few years.

Which is why I have been so miserable. Either I lower my expectations, or have no expectations on people at all.

Applying that on the church seemed a very tough thing to do. How can I not have expectations of the church? I just cannot reconcile that.

With friendships, maybe is easier. I should've known, being burnt so many times. Still, I expect the best to come out of it. Oh well.

The word that come strongly to me is that I need to manage my expectations. Only then will I be able to feel less miserable.

Still, I think the toughest one is to manage my expectations of the church. I have yielded so much and taken in so much without expecting anything. And look what it has done to me. I was destroyed, drained and burnt.

The answer is obvious. But I don't want to yield.

Part 2 of this >>

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Yucks, today on the train to the east, saw a girl about 15 years old secretly eating in train with her brother, I think. That is still ok, she was wearling long slacks and out of a sudden, she pulled it up to check something on her leg, and gee... The amount of leg hair...

Then another girl came in with a guy. I do not know if he is her bf or is he gay. She leaned very closed to him, snapping pictures with her phone. But he was rather nonchalent at her gestures. Hmmm...

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Today was my worst shopping trip. Went down to Takashimaya to see if I could get a pair of trainers with my vouchers. The design don't have my size, and they have limited brands.. ARGH.

Took a train down to Suntec City, hoping that WHY PAY MORE has trainers. They only stock running shoes. ARGH.

Guess I have to glue the old pair of shoes for tomorrow's aerobics class.

ARGH.

Got This In My Mailbox Today...

Facial Masks Are Such Wonderful Inventions!

After shower tonight, I peel off one of the random beauty masks I bought and put the paper mask (saturated with some kind of moisturising agent) over my face. Putting it over the face was a task, because you need to fit the eye and nose and mouth holes, and still take care not to drag the mask so hard over the face that it tear. (Shcuks, is that the way you spell tear, doesn't it look so much like a tear? Brggh..)

It still looked abit out of place when I get ready to lie down on my bed to let the mask take its effects. Plug in my mp3 player and listen to Bo Bice's Valley of Angels and Chen Shan Ni's Lai Bu Ji, so that I can relax while I mask away in 10 mins.

It feels really good to have the mask do its work while I relax on the bed. Just rest and relax. After Chen Shan Ni's song, I tapped the mask on my face, to so-called let the moisturising agent penetrate into the skin before removing the paper mask.

There was no need to wash anything away. Look in the mirror and noticed that my face somehow looks slightly different... It looks clearear, fairer and... beautiful. :) I went on to touch my masked/moisturised skin. Waaahh... So shiok. So soft and supple. So nice to touch. Think I'll do it again next week or so.

So nice....

In Twinkie's Perfect World... (as at 21 April 2006)

1) There is enough money to spend on anything and anyone...

2) Even if romances may come and go, they leave beautiful memories.

3) Mr Him would respond to her sms and friendster messages and she will get an answer why he stop their communications altogether during the CNY period in 2006.

4) Generous salary increment happens every half a year.

5) She does not need to worry about balancing her bank account with trips overseas.

6) Christians are as good as they claim themselves to be, modelling Jesus.

7) People "wake up their ideas" before the bad things happen. There will be nothing to wake up to.

8) Education is free.

9) People knows that when she is lonely and needs company, and will jio her out for meals when she feels like it.

10) Everything she hopes and needs do not cost over $100.

11) She never ever need to worry about the spare tyre and her protruding tummy.

12) The sun comes out whe it is time to sun-tan, and rains at night for good night sleep.

13) She reports to work when she has enough sleep.

14) Fireworks can be seen anywhere when they are lighted up in the Singapore sky.

15) She has a car where she hides and plays her favourite music cds, letting the music surround her in that tiny private space.

16) She can then drive her family around the island for fun activities, like looking for good food.

17) There will always be a perfect bag for any occasion.

18) There will always be a perfect pair of shoes for any occasion.

19) She is a successful career woman now.

20) She has a Special Someone to lean on, to enjoy the sunset in silence with, to hold hands with.

She Watches The People And Ponder

Ah... I finally manage to recall what I wanted to blog about previously. It was something I observed from American Idol.

Simon Cowell (like the way Ryan Seacrest pronounced his "Cowell" as "Cowww"... Hahaha :) is a judge on the show and most often, been boo-ed at when he made "bad" comments on the contestants. Actually, I only hear of it on seasons 1 - 3 and finally saw it from AI4 onwards. His name has been making the news every now and then because of his frequent straightforward comments on the contestants. He make comments from their hair to their dressing, how the songs sound to him, how it began, how it end, who will pack their bags and leave the show etc etc...

Whenever he make "bad" comments or comments that are not pleasant to the ears of the fans of the contestants, he get boo-ed. And I mean BOO-ed. The auditorium of fans and non-fans boo him, even his fellow judges boo-ed him and tell him off. He just shakes off the boos nonchantly (gotta give kudos to his attitude) and look like the most detestable judge among the three at that point in time.

The funny thing is, when he says something nice about the contestants, the same group of people who jeered at him will applaud loudly for that comment. In agreement.

I mean, this group of people don't agree with him when he insults their favourite contestants, but if he says nice things that they like to hear, he gets the acclaimation. Kinda like the crowds who persecuted Jesus.

Ok, to be fair, not the same groups of people attend every show. But still, I think it's very ironic. So do they, or do they not like the comments of Simon "Cowww"?

Personally, I think his comments are pretty harsh and direct. But compared to Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul's patronising comments, Simon does not mince his words of advise/judgement just to look nice on tv. That is the kind of advice I appreciate personally. Honest advice without the fluffy wools of patronising words that do nothing to tell me where I went wrong.

Anyways... just my observation.

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Another observation arose when I was watching the 11.30pm current affairs programme "Was I Rude Or...?". It followed-up on the responses from viewers after the earlier programme "Why My Vote Matters - A Dialogue with the Minister Mentor" " was telecast on tv.

By now you should know that the way the young people spoke to MM generated much debate from the man on the street. I personally did not watch the programme, hence cannot comment on that. I only know it's difficult to "fight" with MM, given his depth of knowledge in history, current affairs and almost under the sun and moon has. :)

Ok, back to the programme... Not all who appeared in the earlier programme were present in the follow-up session, one was out of town and another two "prefer to stay out of the limelight". I think the turnout consists of about 5 women and 2 men.

My observation is this: The young women are much more vocal in expressing their response to the feedbacks that they have received from the Singaporeans, whereas the men are pretty much sit-back audience. The girls (consider that they are younger than me :) were very excited to share with Diana Ser on why they asked what they asked, and their ponderings over the feedbacks. And they REALLY had a lot to talk about.

I am just wondering... If this is what the new generation, or rather, if this people represents the new generation of Singaporeans... Our country might become a nation dominated by female leaders. It is true that the Singapore girl (not the aeroplane ones) nowadays is not shy to express her views and make her voice heard. I myself have friends or acquaintances like that. Whereas the Singaporean man... They are just too laidback. IMO, they seemed uninterested to be involved in complicated matters like these. Somehow, I have the impression that it also resulted them being the follower and not the leader. Or, even worse... Someone's gonna take care of it somewhat (that person was their Mommy until they get married, maybe they can also rely on others to take care of them after that).

The programme director probably saw the overpowering YING force coming in and purposely slotted 3 MALES who contributed their comments to the tabloid to appear on the show and expressed their views.

Interesting eh? I am just happy that finally local political topics can be expressed out in the open in recent years. Of course, the programme were edited. But overall, we can be thankful that door has been opened for the exchange between the people and the government. Finally, we get to tell the government how we feel. And are we ready to receive the fruit of the changes we propose?

But are we ready to respond to our views and quantify it with supporting statements? Some of us are not. I for one, admit that I am a lazy citizen. (Yes, yes... So what gives me the right to point the finger on Singaporean men when the 4 fingers are pointing at myself? I know...)

I think I will continue to observe and go with what I think is better.

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Related Article:
One of the girls, a journalist writes to TODAY and shares her puzzlement to the reaction.

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PS: Election is on 6th May 2006. Darn, a Saturday. That means no extra holiday...

A Daisy Plucked From Joyce's Garden

Jumping Jellyfish...

I thought the Joss Stone's that I have bought for $8 is a music CD. Turns out that is'a VCD of her NY concert. Oh well, at least the Norah Jones' one is an audio CD, plus video dvd...

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I have been wanting to blog about something about people trying to cheat themselves by pretending to be something... Something along that line... The thought comes on and off... It came on to me when I was watching tv just now. Oh well... When it comes back again, I will write it.

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The American Idol results show gave me a shock just now. I thought the group where Ellion, Kelly and Kathleen are the bottom 3. Turns out Ace, Chris and Paris are in the bottom 3. I couldn't believe it. I don't have much to say about Ace's singing, though he has done well last night. Paris has receive good comments from the judges. But Chris???? It was a shocker. And I am truly surprised that Ace got eliminated. I mean, he is so idol material. Oh well... American Idol. Americans are a funny bunch of people. You never know what to expect from them.

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Went to pick up the pants that I have sent for alteration just now. When I reached the shop, the uncle at the shop smiled at me and mockingly said in mandarin, "Haven't done yet." The aunty at the shop replied to him, smiling to him, "People called before she came one lah."

It's strange ya know. I find that I have been getting smiles from aunties and uncles lately. It's my first time I send my pants for alteration at this shop, but the aunty was all smiles when she sees me then. And had a conversation with me on a certain Li who commented that Singaporeans had bad "seed", as in we have a bad ancestry. Smiling all the way.

The uncle and aunty selling Chwee Kway at the hawker centre near office are very friendly to me when I go and get breakfast from them. Well, perhaps they are nice to everyone anyway...

I guess I am fortunate to have met with uncles and aunties like them who are so friendly nice. So, I shan't complain. :)

Cheapo Trying To Save More Money

I am a super cheapo.

I wait until good CDs are paralled imported in from China then I buy them. So far this year I have bought Nat King Cole, Joss Stone and the day before, I went to Marina Square and saw Norah Jones and Joss Stone's Soul Sessions on sale for $8 each. Yep, I bought the two. Two leh! On other days, this price can only fetch me one CD from MJ or THAT CD SHOP.

So don't ask me what are the current hits. I listen to music that have been out of the charts for over a year. Furthermore, in office, boss turns to "Gold 90 FM!". Need I say much?

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So happened that a friend ask me if I could do web design for her company and asked me to send her a quote. That was almost 2 months ago. Today some guy from her company called and wish to meet up tomorrow. With their boss.

I am taking a risk to go see them during my "lunch hour" tomorrow. Yep, I am going to go back to do moonlight in web design again. Decided that I could accumulate wealth that way, since I know nothing about investing (not that I have the money anyway). Any source of extra income to me now means k-ching! for me.

Savings are very important, as I have learnt painfully over the years. I want to keep good money aside for just in case and for things that I will need but never know what they are. I even decided not to go for my old schoolmates 20th anniversary holiday in May. Don't want to jeopardise my savings plan. (Anyway, many of them couldn't make it, I think there's no point going if a gathering plan for 20 people end up with only 4 person going... And it's not as if I am really close to them).

When I am more confident with my translation, I will bank on it for extra income too.

Money, Money, Money.

No man won't die.

No money, sure die.

Prediction...

If my predictions are correct... The Osim iGallop will be selling like hotcakes in the month of May, after Singaporeans get their progress packages.

Why do I say so? Because I have been getting alot of hits on my website to the article I commented about the iGallop. Many people googled for it and ended up in my site. Well, I guess they are disappointed by my half-past 8 English and comment on the TVC...

Oh, Fiona Xie's fans also googled and came to my site as well.

Pages From Her Monday Notebook

I appeared in the Xin Min Daily News tonight.

Well, I am speaking on behalf of my jeans... Was having lunch at a coffeeshop at Simei when the Worker's Party's candidates for East Coast came up to me and friend and her hubby. But upon hearing that we are Sunday worshippers, they politely passed their leaflets to us and urge us to give it to our "friends who live in the east coast area". All these were done while a photograper takes pictures. We were like.. Huh, why are they taking our photos? Granted that we do not live there, it still feels weird. They then move on to the next table with 2 uncles and their grandsons and talked to them. This was the reason why my jeans came on the newspapers. Friend's hubby had a small shot featured. We were behind the uncles' table you see.

What an experience on a near-election Sunday. First time see candidates doing area visits. Interesting.

Then I saw another non-PAP nominated opposition party MP at Expo too.

Politics is in the air...

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Newspaper also reported that Chinese brides are no longer that popular, more local men go for Vietnamese brides.

Singapore... is having more and more S.E. Asian immigrants... Chinese, Vietnamese, Indonesians, Malaysians... This melting pot has alot more flavours added in the recent years. Not that I feel threatened or what. Just feel that it's quite overwhelming to know that the environment/history of how our ancesters first started off (made up of people from different races, different countries, different values)is repeating itself again. The next generation will talk about how they are natives, or how their moms come from China, Vietnam, Indonesia...

I am not angry, or feeling very strongly against this change in the country. I just feel weird. Suddenly, it is so in your face, you know what I mean? This period of Singapore becoming a home of the nations.

Will my nieces become A Singaporean native ? an Aboriginal? An Orang Asli?

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GA is very sad tonight. If what it shows correctly reflects(give and take, 60%?) what happens in the Emergency Ward, or for that matter, the hospital, I really want to salute to doctors and nurses. They do not just see gory and things that could make you throw up buckets, but they probably also have had their hearts broken by patients they have to let go.

While still stuck, she could still crack jokes and was a memorable character to the tense situation. The white girl who was stucked with a black man by a rod that went through them. She was let go to die in the end because she has a weaker possibility of survival. That moment was hardbreaking, especially when Meredith tried to save her even when she has passed away and the surgeons have to move on to save the black man. They were one of the many patients who were wheeled in when a train was derailed. The interns have to be called back to help out at the hospital for this emergency.

It was sad. Even the lighter moments (Cristina was desperately seeking a lost leg for a patient and made a blunder of getting a shaven, manicured leg for a man), could not cover the sadness of the whole situation. Many people were injured, one even had internal bleeding without knowing and died at her friend's bed. That was Alex, but he manage to save himself when a paramedic deliver the missing leg to him and he proceed to send it to the Chief for operation.

The episode highlights the intensity when a disaster strucks. The helplessness of men when things happened beyond what they can do. For a moment, when Derek talks to the fiancee of the girl who had to be let go (I can't hear clearly what she told him to tell her), I realised that doctors are also the buffer of the society. They are the ones who know what exactly is medically happening, and they have to put it in layman terms to the patient, or their families. Sometimes they have to withhold information, sometimes they have to try to make the patients understand, other times, they are just contradicting themselves and with each other.

Which is a little bit like the media, isn't it? What is right, what is wrong, what to believe, what not to believe... They are one of the main causes why people are believing less and less of what they hear. It's so hard to believe because we get the diluted version of the real story.

Hmmm... oh, by the way, Derek chose Ellison. The Wife. Over Meredith, the person who slept with a married man.

American Television. They know the desires of their viewers so well.

Woe Is Me?

I had 2 packets of M&Ms, a handful of Pringles Chips, one large serving of Mcdonald's French Fries, a handful of Apollo Chocolate Wafer for the past few days. Consider that an achievement for someone who hadn't snack in that capacity for months.

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My mind keep ringing the song "Deep" from Tanya Chua today. I thought about the what-ifs that are possible if I could have done certain things to keep him. But was quick to dismiss the thought.

He didn't even bother about you, Joyce.

Oh well, I guess I am just in this emotional transition period before my biological cycle. I will long for companionship. I will be envious of the lucky couples among my friends. I will be envy of the lucky couples who are not my friends. I will think that everyone is better off than me because they are couple-lised.

Yes, dear readers. I know being attached is not EVERYTHING. It's just that... Very difficult to explain to you if you are not in the same situation as me.

Not as old as me. Not as lonely. Not as forgotten.

I am actually in a depression mode. A woe-is-me mode. No, I won't jump down from any flat. I have no guts, and I don't want to be stupid.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Do you guys ever remember having friends who were in your clout, and then they slowly become couples? Then there will be a phase where you guys know that they are just started out as a couple, but they don't want to come out clean. Or they are just started to be a couple, but are not behaving like one, and you had to create opportunities for them?

Saw a group like that today, on the train to the east side of the island. The friends of the guys told him, hey, got seat, got seat, you two should sit lah. The girl was shy and sat, and the guy had to be sat down. Gal kept quiet while the guy continue his conversations with his friends. It's a scene that depicts a man's successful conquer of a woman, and being egged on by his peers...

I don't know how to describe it, but the feeling as a friend of the lucky couple is beyond joy, I guess. Two people whom you know, coming together. That means good times together. Well, when they decided to include you, that is.

Hmmm... I don't know what I am trying to get at, hope you get my drift. Just thought I write this down.

Pushing To Be Released From Her Past...

歌曲：解脱
歌手：迪克牛仔/张惠妹

词:姚若龙
曲:许华强

爱是不夜城
回忆像星辰
热泪越沸腾
我越感觉有点冷

变了心的人
越想越伤人
枯坐到清晨
阳光替房间开了灯

想若结局一样
又何苦再想
伤若让人成长
我为什么怕分手的伤

解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过

解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦

心里有一种渴望
勇敢的念头
不让爱我的人再担心我

Was doing grocery shopping with mom. She seemed excited that the sisters and the nieces are coming tomorrow. Well, yes, nothing unusual...

At the air freshner shelves, mom was looking for a freshner for my bro's room (don't ask me why, his room always got this weird smell). I saw a couple with 2 girls on their shopping cart. At first glance, they were like any normal couple. But when we went back to the shelves the 2nd round, hearing the girl speaking in Hokkien, I turn and steal a glance.

If I saw correctly, this girl was from the same secondary school as I was. Vividly remember her as the girl who warned me to go around the ankle three times any anything that was picked from the street. During school days. It's one of those beliefs to protect oneself from the dark forces that may surround the item that was picked.

Anyway, good to see that she is happily married and with kids. Most of the secondary people I bumped onto are happily married and have kids, which is good. She couldn't recognise me. But I think we would also pretend to not know each other even if we do recognise each other. It's that kinda thing, ya know. To people whom you barely know yet have spoken to, you don't want to acknowledge them when you see them on the street. Just to avoid uncomfortable talk-for-the-sake-of-talking chat.

- - - - - - - - - - -

It's funny. When we were younger, I was always nominated as the first one to be married off amongst my friends. Yet, years on, I am the last. To even get attached.

I'm sorry, I am in this depressive mode at this point in time, hence the depressive posts. It is highly possible I am feeling this way because it's a week before my biological cycle (I also have extra hunger pangs recently).

La-Tee-Da.....

- - - - - - - - - - -

Oh, I threw away 3 bags of memories today. Achieved what I set myself to do.

Very good...

Her Love Life Is What Is Left Of In The Drainer

Once again, I want to complain about the senseless habit of forwarding messages that threatens to destroy our lives if we do not forward it. There is a friendster bulletin I saw today. It claims that by forwarding it in your Friendster's bulletin, you are signifying that you are not a fake friend of that person. And the one who post the message is A 30-something man.

I mean... C'mon already. As if they do not know people are fake and that will prove nothing whether their friends are true or not. More often than not, these people will still keep those friends who never forward their messages. I appreciate these people wanting to eliminate people who added friends for numbers only. But, this is one silly way to do it.

- - - - - - - - - -

I went to watch "West Side Story" tonight. Thanks to L. who had free tickets. Quite close to the stage somemore. Nice leh. At least some songs I know "Maria", "There's a place for us", "Tonight". It's been sometime since I step into a theatre for arty stuffs. Tonight was a refresher.

On the way to Esplanade, I saw this Nutty-professor lookalike holding the hands of a girl who bared her navel. She looked every inch excited and happy with him.

Hmm...

Again, I wonder. There are people whose asses are bigger than mine, whose tastes in dressing are hopeless, who look like aunties even before they are aunties... all accompanied by a beau. And me... Alone shopping.

It's so unfair. I too want somebody to hold my hand. Want someone to go watch movies with. A special someone. Someone my colleagues can tease me with. Someone I can sit in silence together, and watch changing scenes of people and God's creation with.

But No. And the chances of getting there diminished by the day. I feel strongly that I am actually pronounced "No, you won't get any. I am sorry. That's the allocation for you. None."

Even though I keep telling people that I am happy as a single, I want to own up that a companion would be nice. But then, the thought of exchanging that for patronising words such as "Will come one lah." "It's better to be single." made me keep my protest and confession.

I am not going to get any anyway. No point saying it. It's just not meant to be. Nobody's meant to be with me.

Was waiting for a bus to go to a publishing house near my home area. A bus came by and some passengers alighted and two persons caught my eye.

An old lady, possibly in her 80s, slowly climb down the steps. She is followed by another lady, possibly her daughter, who look like she is in her 50-60s. The younger one was carrying a big bag and an umbrella. She slowly lead her mom away from the bus-stop to somewhere else. Both of them walk slowly. Both of them look frail and old.

Secretly, my heart took a picture. I wondered to myself... So this is how I would look like 30 years down the road....

- - - - - - - - - - -

Was telling colleague that I really do not want to scold my parents. Or tell them off. But sometimes, they simply like to do things their own way, or see things their way. Without caring consequences, without caring about the effect it has on others. But they have reached an age where they are become ... Troublesome. And it really is a test of my patience. I blew my top more frequently nowadays.

This is a season of learning. Now I am living the "Caring for Your Parents" phase.

Strokes of His Brushes In My Life

Look.

I truly do not know what draws you to my blog. Maybe it's because you have collected the certification of being The Best Secret Keeper, and you feel obligated to come and clock your points :). Or maybe it is because this blog provided you with some decent dose of entertainment (a breath of fresh air sounds good :). Or maybe, you enjoying delving into the secret hiding place of a girl who feels like she is going deeper and deeper into the unknown.

Alright, I exaggerated. But, whatever it is, I want to thank you for coming by and let me know that someone's out there hearing my lungs out. I appreciate your coming 'cos I know that I have an audience to speak to. I love to tell stories of myself, and having an audience kinda makes me feel good about doing it.

Sometimes I wonder why do I not get many many hits. But I think about it again, it's good too. I feel like I am having my own private unveil-secret party. If too many people know about it... I cannot imagine that. Not alot of my offline friends know about this blog too. Which is good. At least I have some control over what they know about me and what they do not know about it. Provides a great outlet to release, yet I know I am not going to be questioned about who do I mean "irritating" in my blogs when I go out and meet them offline.

So, thank you once again, regulars. Appreciate your silence. I will take those silence as moments of agreement, moments of pondering, moments of wonderings, moments of sharing in what I am going through. Shoulder to shoulder.

THANK YOU.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After paying for my step aerobics class fees tonight, I receive a phone call from my mom, telling me that dad is vormitting and feels giddy. My immediate thought was why didn't they send him to the doctor's and need to inform me first? Then I understand that this is one of the roles I have to play, now that I am the oldest child in the family.

We have this practice at our home area to get a queue number at the clinic early-early so that we won't have to wait for long. As I reach the office before dad, I went to get a queue number first. The lady at the counter asked me if I have a preference for doctor, and I said no. Later I found out that apparently, the clinic's popular doctor is performing a procedure and he is not able to see the patients tonight, and he is relieved by another doctor.

I don't know about you. Alot of times when I am at this clinic, the patients who walked in would ask for this doctor. If he is not on duty, they will refuse consultation. EVEN WHEN THEY ARE SICK. I think it's plain silly lor. If you are sick, see a doctor, whether he/she is popular or not. Granted that the popular doctor is good during consultation (friendly and detailed in his diagnosis, proper explanation of the illness etc), if you are sick, YOU ARE SICK. Why refuse treatment?

Anyway... The relief doctor says my dad has VERY high blood pressure. And ya'all know what that means. Impending stroke. My dad loves saltish stuffs. My mother (to my horror) even told me when we returned, that my dad drank brine on some occasions. I am like, HUH? Again, as the older child, I have to lecture him and tell him that a stroke is no laughing matter, etc etc... He kept quiet. The relief doc gave me a referral letter to A&E, says in case his condition gets worse and he has to go to A&E, can use the letter. The good thing about the letter is that I can wave it in front of Dad and tell him this like telling us he is almost certain to get a stroke. You know, like a licence to go into the hospital. My parents are the old chinese kind... You know, the aiyah-nevermind-lah kind. Mom's not so bad. Dad's very bad. Think I have to go get a blood-pressure reader liao. To monitor his blood pressure.

He is suppose to go for review tomorrow. I guess I will let my bro do the job, I will go for my "West Side Story" musical. Free Ticket leh. And I have been waiting for this musical for 2 months liao. Yeah, I am selfish. But I think it's best my bro go. Hey, he's an army medic leh. And he also has to learn to handle these kinda situation too. I mean, in case I am... gone. Or if I go overseas or what. At least he'll know what to do if it happen again.

My life.

Litters Of Life In Twinkie's Bin

Don't you hate people interjecting into conversations with things that are not relevent to the conversation? It is especially irritating when that person interupt with subjects that are only related to the conversation by word and no other meaning. I have nothing aginst this person (in my class), just do not like the behaviour.

As mentioned earlier, this round of translation class is tough. Mentally exhaustive. So much so that after class, I head straight to bed after my shower, and slept till about 11pm last night. Had to wake up because of a migraine. After tossing in bed for about half hour, decided to wake up and break the momentum. In my sleepy state, I flipped through Sunday Life! And read about Alpha Females. Then there is a report about migraine and even though I was sleepy, I could identify that I am suffering from migraine. Never know what migraine is until I read the report. So that is migraine. All along I had thought that what I have been experiencing is just pain.

Fortunately, the distraction worked. I was able to sleep through the night. But still went by the today with a heavy head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Pain. That's was GA's theme tonight. Derek has gotta make a decision to choose between Ellison or Meredith. To sign the divorce papers or not. However, the show ended as that. Meredith and gang waiting for Derek to appear in the bar. Ellison asking Derek if he is going to sign the papers. Guess we will have to watch the show to know the outcome next week.

Cristina has gotten back together with Burke, presumingly because he understood what she went through for him, and wants to have a relationship with her. Izzy was pissed with Alex, who seemed to be withholding something from her, and not telling her why, and pretending that nothing had happened.

Good Ol' George performed his first surgery when the lift broke down during a power failure. He had to do it because apparently, Alex seemed to be having some reservations and hesitated to take the operating instruments from Burke. George went on to perform the op under Burke's instructions. Well done, he managed to save the policeman. And well well... Dr Bailey is married and celebrated her 10th anniversary tonight.

How does all this string together a story based on pain? I have no idea. The closest that I can think of is the story about a women whose heart breaks down whenever the death anniversary of her soulmate, whom she loves, comes around. Izzy has no solution to her problem.

I can't seem to be able to associate the whole story together. Or is it because my ability to feel pain is... Almost none now?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Today's the fifth and last lesson of 3rd module. Those feelings come back again. These few days of studying together with the class made me want to go back to schooldays again. I wish we could have another day with Prof Liu. While listening to Prof Liu, another compartment of my mind fantasises about going to China for short term study or working stint. Partly because a classmate asked another one who has been through Beijing Uni whether U's in China conduct summer studies. Partly also because China has now become a place that I very much want to visit.

The lessons have taught me to appreciate the Chinese language, culture, history and literature background of the country. What I have with me is just a very small, tiny percentage of what there is to learn about this country. I am very surprised about this myself. I was never interested to go to China, even though I pride myself with having a keen interest in the language. To me, China equals to uncouth, loud, dirty, scheming, unscrupulous.. etc... However, quite frankly, the lecturers have dramatically turn things around for me.

The latest lecturer to teach us is Prof Liu Haiping. I googled him today and learned that his background is very unique. I am very humbled that a man with a educational background and calibre like him would want to teach mediocre people like us. Our standards are so... BASIC. He is a very fatherly figure, and when he teaches, he was patient to share with us his experiences and knowledge. He is just so... Amiable and nice.

I normally give a little something to people whom I appreciate and am thankful for. To Prof Liu, I gave 3 different kinds of tiger balms, I guess it's good for his age :) I feel that my eagerness to show friendliness to other people has not diminished even though I have been disappointed by people repeatedly. Maybe a part of me still hopes in people, and still thinks that there is nothing wrong being nice to people. I still believe that people deserved to be shown appreciation or to help. Haiz. This character of mine could make me or break me. Already I have been broken several times, and strangely, I seem to be able to bounce back. Ok, bounced it off to other persons.

I was also thinking about being more hardworking on my assignments, practices, and reading. I want to go further when this class is over. Possibly, if chances allowed, to have actual working stints in China. I truly want to sharpen my knowledge and skills of the language and the country.

I truly, sincerely want to go to China, God. Please provide me an opportunity to do so. Amen.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You know at times, you would look at people the same age, or younger than you, and feel envious? Why they are CEOs, CFOs, Owners of some shop or company or factory, have flown to countries that is 10 times or 20 times your record, invented something, drives a nice car, pay an apartment on their own, or shops as if it's nobody's business?

And then you look at yourself and wondered if you could achieve what they have now if you work hard for the past 10 or 5 years of your life? I seemed to do that often nowadays. It's kinda demoralising. On one hand, I think it's very true, I wasn't very hardworking in the past years. I could have grabbed opportunity to upgrade myself, to move to a bigger company, to seize any opportunity to do business, to be more vocal, to ask for my rights, to leave a bad thing and move on to another... And often wonder why I was so stupid to prefer to remain as I was then and not move on. Why did I allow myself to be so comfortable in the low level life and never aim higher?

So at present, I have vowed never to allow myself to let opportunities slip past me. I will work hard. I will strive. I do not have an aim as yet, but I want to move on and not be trapped in a low life. I will be opened to opportunities and if it is a risk worth taking for greater things to come, I hope I will take the risk when that time come.

I hope I can keep this spirit on. Persist on.

A Tribute To The Beginning of Dramedy

Let's applaud the tv series Ally Mcbeal.

For bringing us qwerky and wacky side of lawyers. American lawyers.

For introducing same-sex toilets into the world.

For the advent of group dancing in the toilet.

For opening the way for more dramedies now, such as Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives.

For reminding us that we can be resilient after The Dump.

Thank you Ally Mcbeal.

- - - - - - - - - -

Chinese to English translation is much worse than English to Chinese. The folks in the West better watch out. They may find themselves re-enacting The Tower Of Babel scene.

I am starting to doubt my capability to become a full-fledge translator. I hate to admit that the more I know, the more I do not know. But this is true. It has been a tough trip for the past few days. My English sucks more than I know.

I think this is officially my worst subject in the entire course.

Are You Number 1000th Clicks?

At present, I do not know what to do with my life. The idea just dropped on me when I was throwing away the ginger from the fish soup mom cooked.

This is the reason why I have no desire or interest to reply to email messages, smses or phone calls, I reckon. I do not know what to do with myself, let alone handle those messages. I don't see the need to respond. I don't think I care if they care if I respond.

It doesn't bother me if I do not have much after-office-hours activity on weekdays, or any weekend going-outs.

The point is, because I am in a state of dunno-what-to-do, it doesn't matter if things are happening to me or not.

It does not hurt me, nor does it sting.

Because I do not know what to do with my life, nothing can hurt it or destroy it.

There is no goal or objective to destroy or hurt.

No quota to fill, no one to please.

No scores to keep, no trophies to win.

It all don't matter. I will go on and do things that needs to be done. Like going to work, do my job, eat, sleep, shower, go to class, interneting, blogging, watching tv...

Other then that, I don't see a need to go beyond what I need to do. Like what I used to be busy scurrying in the past.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Man... Mandisa is out of AI5. So sad. What to do. It's American Idol. IDOL. Not America's Best Vocal contest. This is the real world. Looks still matters. 4 out of 5 predictions remain...
- - - - - - - - - - -

Tomorrow is Friday. Woo Hoo. 2nd night for Chinese-English translation. Gosh, just when I thought I've learn well in the previous 2 modules, this one just brings me down into the pits again. Hmm.. guess gotta go through another round of learning from basics.

I like this lecturer. He has got this very amiable disposure. Like a nice father figure. Gosh, I promised Prof He that I will start to blog in Chinese. Nothing came out after the 1st. Bleahz.

Got class = no opportunity to spend money = good.
I NEARLY plonked down $167 on a pair of NIKE trainers last evening. Thought it's high time I replaced my many-many years old NEW BALANCE. Good thing I didn't buy it. So proud of myself. :)

Turn in time. *click!*

Let Me Chope My List First...

I better put this down before American Idol 5 reaches the finals...

Since I started following this season of American Idol (a bit of auditions and interjections of Best 24 and final 12), I have already made up my mind who are my favourites:

Number 1 Favourite: Elliot Yamin
Why: Love his style. Soothing vocals and song choices. True to his own style. When Barry Manilow and Kenny Rogers gave him tips on song delivery, he follows them close and delivered. Never a let down. Down to earth personality.

Number 2 Favourite: Chris Daughtry
Why: Resident Rocker. Love his style of individuality expressed in song choices. Just like previous finalist Bo Bice :) Typical rocker personality: Quiet disposure despite strong music preference.

Number 3 Favourite: Mandisa
Why: Beautiful voice. Very versatile. Great Christian testimony. Pleasant personality. Confident despite battling weight problems.

Number 4 Favourite: Paris Bennett
Why: This girl is one of the youngest with a great voice. Full of energy. She is proof that age has nothing to do with talent. She has it and she brings it on. Girly still though :)

Number 5 Favourite: Katherine Mcphee
Why: So pretty! So beautiful! Definitely eye candy. Didn't really catch my attention until tonight. She has got a big voice when she needs use them. Tonight's sultry song selection was delivered in almost perfection. IMO. She sounds like Carrie Underwood tonight.

There. Let's review this again when AI5 goes to the finals in May :)

Couldn't Be Bothered...

Today, I couldn't be bothered to forward a "Best Sisters" sms from a good friend. Well, technically speaking, I was busy at that moment and can't forward it or reply to her to 'verify' that she is loved and I am loved and what-nots, and thought I could do that later. But now it's the end of a working day, I didn't do anything. Simply because I think it's silly. I don't need to prove to you that I love you. And I am not in the mood to do it for the fun of it.

Then, someone from church messaged me and ask me how am I, haven't seen me around and would love to catch up when I am free, and to let her know. I looked at the message and didn't reply.

I couldn't be bothered.

Then I think she called my mobile when I was on the other line, and I saw a missed call from her. I don't feel like calling back.

Maybe all these time of absence from them have rendered me enough reason to say that they do not care and I do not have to care back either. I just don't want to put up all pretense and entertain people who wants to know how am I doing. Yes, to me, it's entertaining. Because I don't want to put myself in tight shoes where people are genuinely concerned, but I genuinely do not want to tell them how I am doing.

I don't know if you get my drift. I just don't want to pretend. I don't feel good pretending in front of others. I don't want to show them my real feelings either. I just don't like to be in the presence of people whom I cannot relate to and try to bare my soul for them. I can't and I don't want to.

Time to go home.

Potato Chip Moments At Tanjong Pagar

Eventually, I didn't get to throw any memory away tonight. Only managed to "delete" 400 over emails from last year august till last December...

Stayed back at office till about 7 plus, helping colleague to move the blinds that were leftover from the old office to her car. Actually, I could have gone off at 6 pm... There was no rush to go home, no appointments, no homework to rush back to. No hurry, so I stay in the office longer. Finally helped her with the blinds at around 7 plus, she dropped me at cityhall for me to take train down to Takashimaya to find my mouth guard. Stadium don't carry it. But the guy at Taka RSH was kind enough to direct me to a shop at Paragon that sells it. (Gotta comment... Singapore service staff are much better now... Well, at least a small group of them are... Thanks to the GEMS!!)

So by the time I get home, it was nearly 9pm. Watched the new 9pm show on channel eight, quite interesting... then continue to watch CSI...

Like that how to clear stuffs... Haiz... As I walk home, I told myself, yet another season of single-no-dates-or-appointment is coming over me. I am once again, on my own, with nothing but the TV and internet as my only contact with the outside world. "Time to go out there to make new friends" I told myself. But where to find new friends? I've given up on IRC, I've tried online matchmaking services, they suck. I've tried offline matchmaking services, the men suck. I've tried to respond to Friendster messages, and I never hear from them again.

I really dunno how to find new friends anymore. I want to keep old ones, but... Somehow, values and circumstances change, and relationships changes too. I don't fault anyone. I just tell myself off secretly that it's all my fault.

For now, I'll just soak myself in Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Houswives, CSI, 9pm Chinese serials, 7pm Chinese serials, Law and Order: SVU, The Apprentice, American Idol, Saturday night movies, Friday night movies and a reasonable dose of internet... Potato Chips, anyone?

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tanjong Pagar MRT train commuters are the worse lot of all I've seen. Maybe I am too used to people at Raffles Place standing on one side of the escalator, or letting others out before going in... This is hugely lacking in Tanjoing Pagar station. What really makes me shake my head is the one who always tries to barge herself into the train before the passenger comes out is always a young girl under 30. And she will refused to move into the inner part of the train, nevermind that she alights later.

What really irks me also is the way people take the escalator. At Raffles Place, it's understood that unless you rush, you do not hoard the right side of the escalator. At Tanjong Pagar, it's not practiced. Whether on the left or right, these women will hoard the entire escalator. It's exasperating and I have started to take the stairs.

Colleague(SC) and I have christened the underground leading from the MRT station to the nearest exit to our office as "The Gloomy Underground". The tiles on the walls are peach-beigy colour and it looks really gloomy because time has "olden" the tiles. I don't know if it's our overeation or, because we are too used to Raffles Place. The working people at Tanjong Pagar looked more gloomy than those at Raffles Place. More tired, more sad, more hopeless. Why, there was once when I waiting to take the train home, all I could see were heads hung down. It's THAT GLOOMY. Literally. SC and I decided that we must not let the environment affect us.

But I guess we wouldn't. Thank goodness our office is not the kind that is all work and no talk/joke. Our copywriter cracks hiliarious jokes, even at the bosses, at times, and it's open concept, so having fun is almost the norm of the day.

At least, that's consolation. Now I am just hoping and trying ot do my best and perform well to earn a pay raise or what... That will be icing on the cake.

Time to try out that mouth guard and time to sleep.

GA

My head was simply too heavy to document Grey's Anatomy last night. Somehow I was very lethargic, and during yesterday's final step aerobics lesson (yes, I attend a weekly step aerobics class), I simply couldn't keep up.

Been researching on the net about my recent jaw tightness and soreness. I think I probably have been clenching and grinding my teeth at night, for this is what the net kinda diagnosed from my symptoms. I could also be suffering from TMJ (Temporomandibular Disorder). The standard was management was to get a dentist to prescibe a mouth guard. But it's known to be a few hundred dollars. I am trying to find cheaper alternatives and some patients actually went to get those mouth guards used during sports. I think I will go get one soon. But then again, eventually, I think I will be better off seeking professional help.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ok. Grey's Anatomy. Christina has lost her baby, her fallopian tube and possibly losing Burke Preston. However, even as a patient, she refuses to stay in bed, running around the hospital trying to fit herself in the busy hospital activities, appearing in many wards giving her views. It all seemed kinda comical until the end, she was proven right in one of her diagnosis, and she began to cry uncontrollably. That's was the moment when it dawned upon her that she can no longer deny her lost and pretend to live life as normal. The reality has hitted her.

That's the thing about women. We can rise up strong after setbacks. Because we are capable of sweeping pain into the back alleys of the memory lane. As long as we do not visit them, we can still live life as it was. But if we are brought back there again, the sorrow... It's just sheer pain.

Seems like a new story will evolve from Alex. He seemed to have a secret which I guess will reveal in due time. Meredith then went on to talk about how sometimes we lie in life. (Can't remember the exact words she says nowadays) To ourselves, to our loved ones, to people around us. To get things done, to stall for time, to run away from reality... Then the scene shifts to the different people in the show, in a lie, encountering one, overcoming one, defeated by one. And for the record, this is the first time someone dies in the OT on GA.

Dr Bailey's patient-friend passed away in a 50-50 chance operation. Dr Bailey tried to revive him as much as she can in the end, but lost him eventually. And I suspect the reason why they introduce this element is because they want to show the humane side of Bailey.

Just went to checkout the website to detail this blog, and was initially frustrated but glad that they did not put on the episode spoilers for the show. I want to follow on and catch the series. The unknown is better than the known. We are actually watching season 2 now. Kewl. 20 episodes behind though. And I finally see the right spellings of the names of the characters. Well, at least I got most of the names right. :)

Tonight will be a tidy up my room and rid of old memories night. Or laundry night. See how.

Sprinklings of Twinkie's Dusts... * . .* .. (or The Girl Who Decided To Throw Her Memories Away)

Funny how I get inspirations while in cinemas. You read about the inspiration I got from "Rumour has it". Today, the inspiration came from watching "Failure to Launch". Now don't ask me how the thoughts came in. I have no idea. They just dropped.

This time, I have decided to throw away the memory items that I have been hoarding for years but never serve any purpose. They take up space in my room, makes it messy, and I have no use for them, EVER. I do not see any point keeping these as "mementos" when they are kept forever in the drawers, out of sight, out of mind, never a change to see the light. And besides, there's no special someone to show them my childhood memories anyway. There is never going to be any children or grandchildren to tell them my dorky secondary school days. Yeah, my nieces... But they won't have use for them too.

I want to live for NOW. And frankly, it's the NOW that really matter. The past is gone. Over. Period. Nothing I can do to bring it back, they remain as they are, just THE PAST. If I have no use for them anymore, might as well banish them into eternal history.

Of course not all will be trashed... But I think after making this decision, it's easier for me to part with old clothes, old notes, old books etc etc...

Funny thing how these decisions only come at the end of the week, when I am going to start a new week and no free time at hand.

Brgh. Just gotta keep myself on track.

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Don't you hate to get spams from people you know? As in they forward you with stupid messages of threat, that if you don't forward it, you friendster account will be deleted, your dad will die, or something bad will happen to you... Then there are those that just forward like, 20 forwarded email attachments to you... Why do they bother to open the 19th one in the first place, I wonder... and wonder hard.

Then there are the urban legends and virus hoaxes... I really do not understand why do people get so excited about these emails and never bother to check out the real thing themselves before forwarding them? In order to drive home my point, I will go check out the haox and replied to everyone in their email forward and tell them it's a hoax or it's an urban legend. Sorry pal, gotta make you lose face... So that no more harm will be done.

I don't know whether to choose

a) the internet revolution has made mankind more bo liao, or;

b) the internet revolution has made mankind more stupid.

Sorry, I am not holier than thou, but really...

ARGH.

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Today went to QBC Chinese service. Well, it's different, and the message was what I want to hear. Will I continue to go there or go FCBC?

We'll see.

Crumbs Of My Leftover Life

The pasta experiment was a success. Actually, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. The canned sauce was a great help. Some guesswork of what goes into the sauce also help. Minced pork doesn't taste that bad afterall. I've learnt to prepare fresh button mushrooms for cooking. And cooking spaghetti is not difficult, really.

Pity I didn't take a picture of the finished worked before I gobbled them up. I was supposed to make it for nieces, sisters, bros-in-law who are coming over, plus mom, bro and maybe father.

Sisters and nieces and bros-in-law didn't turn up. They've got somethings on.

Brother wasn't hungry. Mom... had comments on the noodles.

So it was a good thing I made just enough for myself as a testing agar-ation.

But I can't help feeling that even at home, I also feel so... abandoned. But of course, it was also my fault that I didn't inform them that I am trying out the pasta thingy, because the thought only came to me yesterday.

Whose fault? Mine.

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My Saturday was spent:

Morning - Noon time: Went to supermarket with mom to buy groceries and some missing ingredients still for the pasta making session.

Noon: Make pasta. Took about half hour. Took another half hour to finish the Meal ala Joyce.

Further Noon: Watch Sky High on DVD. Later on, everybody left the house. Felt sleepy and doze off. Woke up, watch JIE DA HUAN XI on channel 8. Feel very claustrophobic staring at the TV for too long. Took shower.

Evening: Had simple dinner, went with bro to GWC to walk-walk. He didn't get any shirt he want, but I end up spending 38 at wh and 25 at Bob's for a devotional book. So many choices, finally chose one based on the names of God. Bro got ANOTHER batmobile model.

Night: Came back, watch news. then continue with Erin Brockovich (sp?). Bro wants to turn in to sleep and here I am. Checked email. One spam. MSN abit.

And now it's time to say good night.

*Lights off*