It Was Just Too Perfect

I have been quite worried about how perfect things are turning out to be. So perfect it's scary. Deep down, I begin to fear the day when something ugly and nasty will slash through the perfection. I have been having a bad feeling that amid the perfection, something awfully ugly find it's way into this perfection.

And the nasty news came tonight. I was at lost of words when they were spoken. Suddenly, all the beautiful moments and happy times all came tumbling down. I have never expected it to come so quickly, taking over the fever that I am experiencing currently.

I now regret that I have written (in another blog) that I will remember that beautiful moment, even if it does not last. Was that a curse I pronounced over myself?

All my hopes came to a screeching halt. I felt as if I was being hammered on the head by harsh reality.

I've finally found what I have been looking for, and was holding and cherishing it with great care for the past 3 weeks. I've been keeping it under wraps carefully, waiting for the right time to reveal it. But looks like it will slip away from my hands very soon, before I even have a chance to declare it.

God, I do not know why you have made this happened. I do believe there is a reason for this, but right now, it's hard not to expect an answer from you. It's like I have been raised to the pinnacle... an all-time high, and then the pinnacle disappear, and I fall into the deepest valley of emptiness.

Do you really want to put me through the trials of Job? Have I had not enough sufferings for the past 31 years to render a change of a better destiny? Why must I go through one trial after another?

... it's a hard life being a Christian.

I don't know what else to say anymore.

Wondering How Many People Read My Blog

So, I went to get a counter. Yes, finally, I succumbed to the curiosity in me and added a counter to this blog. I have chosen a discreet little counter ------------- see bottom right ------> to track you, my dear readers.

Just want to know how many readers comes to visit my blog.

I didn't do it when I started this blog because I thought my opinions doesn't matter to others, and I am but one of the many many gazillions bloggers who rant and rave about their lives online. And I wasn't trying to get any attention with my blog, it's just an avenue for me to write out my thoughts to a unspecific audience. So the number of readers doesn't matter to me.

Speaking of unspecific audience... Come to think about it, I did write my blog to God-knows-who. Which is good really. Because I can then rant and rave whatever irks me or whatever pleases me, without having to tweak it to a specific audience. It would be very restrictive for me if I were to blog bearing in mind that certain spiritual leaders or any close relatives are reading it.

But then again, I still do change some words a little, for I want to be sensitive to the people who does read my blogs, people whom I know.

So is what you have been reading, what you get of Joyce? I would say yes. In fact, some sections are things you will never hear me speak of when I am in the presence of people. Either because it is not a topic that people are interested in, or because it tend to fall on deaf ears.

Only FFTF allows me to express myself when I like it, irregardless if anybody is listening. Which is good, otherwise I wouldn't know what would I turn out to be during those times of trials.

Anyway, back to the counter...

Yep, finally I will get to see how many people comes by my blog on average. I don't expect much, I'm just curious.

FYI, the first "8" hits are just me testing out the counter, you can just minus off there.

Have a great Chinese New Year 3rd day!

Chinese New Year

Shucks. I am soooo weak on the 2nd day already. I hope that I'll be ok tomorrow, cos tomorrow is meet-secondary-school-uniform-group-people day, it's been sometime since we met. Or rather, I have to meet up with them. Gotta go. Gotta let them see the transformed me. Gotta see will I still be the wallflower amongst them now that I have gone through transformation.

Well, even if I do stay at the wallflower, it will be something for me to write about :) I have always been the quiet one, since the others have louder voices than me, can create "noise" than me, are more established career than me, got kids, got husbands... I wonder if it will be different this year.

Maybe I should show off to them that I am taking up a translation course. Or that I work in an ad agency... But then again, there is only this much I can boast. Haha... Nah, it won't work. Much as I think I could brag about these things, I don't see a need to. Unless somebody ask, I won't go and offer.

It just boils down to the same thing. Whether people is interested to know what's happening in your life anot :) Hopefully I will return to write on the event and, more hopefully, I will write about things improving :)

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On Feburary 11th last year, I wrote about what I learn from Chinese New Year 2005. This year, when I told a relative that I am taking up translation, he seemed really interested. You see, he has business dealings in China. And he kept praising that I made a right choice to take up the course, and that it is a skill that will be useful anywhere. AND... he said he will get in touch with me, as he is very interested in my undertaking.

COOL. I am imagining that I will be travelling overseas to do translation work. Neat huh? I can almost smell the air of England, hear the traffic in New York, work my way through the traffic in Bangkok...

Haha... the wonders of dreaming.

Some Things I Am Not Sure Of

Upon entering into the Plan, there is uncertainty.

I have committed to God that I will let Him lead, and there were many signs that show me (previously) that THIS is what He has designated for me. However, now that I am in the beginning, I am feeling the jitters. I am just thinking, will this thing work out at all.

Because of what happened earlier this week, things seem to take a shift. I can feel that progressively, things are not what they used to be, because of a new thing injecting to this Plan.

I am not freak out or whatever. It's not as if this kinda thing has never happen before. Just that things look different now. And there is a new wave of adjustments that I need to make.

I hope I would be able to continue from here without anxiety.

Yes, without anxiety.

I am tagged to do a "Meme"

.... Somehow thinks the word "meme" sounds queer for a list... Reminds me of Chiling Lin.. you know that Taiwan "top model".

Four jobs you've had in your life:
1) Tuition centre admin
2) Web designer
2) Graphic Designer
4) Sales, Cashier, Sales, Cashier....

Four movies you could watch over and over again (not to be confused with favourite movies):
1) Braveheart
2) Lord of the Rings
3) 3 man and a baby series
4) Sound of Music

Four TV shows you love(d) to watch (among many others):
1) America's Next Top Model
2) E.R. now Grey's Anatomy is just as good
3) The Apprentice
4) Yes! Desperate Housewives

Four places you've lived (in Singapore, not in chronological order; now you will see the reason for my complete geographical unfamiliarity with the east side):
1) Tiong Bahru
2) nadah...
3) nadah...
4) nadah...

Four places you've been on vacation to:
1) Malaysia (various places)
2) Australia (Melbourne)
3) Thailand, Bangkok
4) Sentosa? (chuckles*)

Four places you would rather be (well, I believe in the here and now, so technically there's no place I'd "rather" be, but it seems that people are just listing places that they'd like to visit, so I'll take it as that, I guess):
1) United Kingdom
2) America
3) nadah....
4) nadah....

Four of your favourite foods:
1) Water Melon
2) Japanese food in general, gimme fresh sushi anytime!!
3) Chocolate
4) Butter Crab & Crab Bee Hoon

Four websites you visit daily (close enough, anyway, and not counting e-mail):
1) My personal email on the web
2) this Blog
3) this Blog in edit mode
4) another Blog on this server, but hidden

Four tagged:
1) Er...
2) Hmmmm.....
3) I think.....
4) it's your choice :)

There :)

I Am A Little Bolder Now

Though it will be the unknown that I am going to venture into, I know I have God as my Guide. God is in control, and He only wants me to submit to His plan for me. It is scary still. But I know if I say "Yes" to Him, He will make all things beautiful.

Indeed, this is happening in His time. It couldn't have been more appropriate time for me to have this happening to me than now. God has put everything in place. And now, he invites me to join Him in this plan He has for me.

I am ready to go into that now.

I Need Boldness

... for a decision.

I struggle with it withever it comes up.

And the only person who can make me strong in this area, is God.

Maybe I have not ask for boldness before and so when it came upon me, I tried to handle it myself, and there is really so much I can do with myself, given, I have limited strength and will.

I need it so much now...

It's just so amazing

I mean... it really is.

I've just spent a most wonderful gathering of the year (so far, to say the least). We had just spent a wonderful send-off time with our first module teacher. I can't believe it, when most people loathe and moan at their first lesson/module, I am actually enjoying my course.

We met our teacher at the hotel where he stayed and while waiting for the others to arrive, I can see that each of us get along with each other pretty well. And Teacher, who normally wears boring colour shirts when teaching, donned a bright coloured shirt while he came down to meet us. I guess it kinda reflects on his mood.

And basically, we just chatted with one another. I am just so amazed what 5 days of intensive class has done to all of us, we have actually became so close, like old friends. Who've thought of that when we entered the class?

We then adjourned to SAN ZHONG LIANG JIAN for dinner. Throughout the entire walk from the hotel to the restaurant, we talked to one another as if we have know each other for a very long time, and there was absolutely no barrier at all, which really amazes me.

Then after that, we went to a local MIN GE CAN TING down at Tanjong Pagar to chill out. I think Teacher really let loose liao... he was game for a beer. And I've come to know that I am among a bunch of people who are into XIN YAO as well. It's just so cool (yes, I know, even when XIN YAO is so old-school)!

I think basically, we just chatted and chatted... Everything and anything under the sun (or the moon for that matters). Everyone is so comfortable with one another, we behave more like old-time friends then classmates.

I think I am going to have a wonderful time of learning this year. I am blessed to be put into this class, among all the right people, at the right time. I think things would be very different if I were to be placed in an earlier class or later class.

It's gonna be a great year! :)

翻译第一课课后感触

五天的翻译课结束了，心里感触良多。在搭公共巴士时，脑海里一直在斟酌着第一堂课所留下来的感触。

仿佛回到求学时期，当要和老师道别时，心中无比感激。感谢老师生动的讲课，让我们能够放下对彼此的陌生，欢度每一节课的欢乐时光。每天热切地带着愉快的心情来上课，根本不在我所预料之中。老师授课时，时而讲解生动，时而没有顾虑地和我们玩成一片。

刚才在车站看到惜丽，俩人便很自然地谈起课堂来。惜丽说，幸好同学们都是因兴趣，自掏腰包来上课，所以，没有像被公司派来上课一样，懒洋洋的。我也同意。和能和一班和我一样，对汉语有兴趣的同学一块儿上课，在课堂上以流利华语交流，我觉得有种无比的成就感。而且同学间，虽然在开始的当儿，大家互不相识，但后来因为老师的带动，彼此间，也熟略起来。可能是因为是上语言课的关系吧，我们的课堂讨论没有像其他课程一样呆板。因此，上课时，就好象和朋友在咖啡座聊天，非常写意。

今天是我们的最后一堂课，同学们有的送老师新谣激光唱碟，有的送过年食品。我在这边厢，心里感叹着为什么我把这个给忘了！真的很感谢老师，却又没有任何表示。唉！我看，现在能做的，就是考取好成绩，且尽量抽时间与老师保持联络。

同学的礼物，给了我一个启发。这一幕，仿佛是在提醒我，谁说新加坡人没人情味儿啦？与此同时，我也深深感触到，华人之间的的情谊，真的和西方人很不一样。我们虽是默默地、客气地、向人表达我们对他们关心，但是这也体现了我们华人对彼此的尊敬。与西方人比较，我觉得这是我们比较特别的地方吧。

总的来说，我觉得能上这个课程是一个开年惊喜。所以就破天荒，接受老师的提议，写下第一章中文博客。希望加以时日，可以送给老师，作为一个谢礼。

(希望以后在重返这博客时，我真的已经（有胆量地）把它送到老师哪儿，嘻嘻！)

Oops, I forgot to mention...

With reference to my blog about my comments on a certain blog being removed by the owner...
I want to let you all know that the author has contacted me about the reason why it was removed, and I thought it was sensible of her to withhold what I have written in order to be sensitive to her readers. I have since learnt a lesson about being sensitive about what I write on public space.

So we are cool now :)

Currently Playing...

This is one of the few classic songs that I listen to when I am in a deep mood. It sings about a loved one lost through death, and the things that could have been done before the death. Quite a sober thought if you think about it. Makes you realise that there are alot of urgent things that you need to say and do for your loved ones.

I hope I never have to do anything like that in the future, though I am not so sure if the same can be said for the people around me.

You can download the mp3 here.

歌曲：来不及
歌手：陈珊妮 专辑：完美的呻吟

来不及送你一程
来不及问你什么算永恒
甚至来不及哭出声

来不及陪你一阵
来不及送你一程
来不及为你尽点责任
你的皮肤都穿松了
来不及为你抹点粉

da......

过期杂志上登着
太多早逝青春
路人的嘴里
全是对别人生命的揣测
我就是来不及说一声
我就是来不及送你
我爱你

我就是来不及送你
来不及为你唱首情歌
来不及为你变成好人

我就是来不及说一声
我爱你

Not getting used to

I tried to make myself go back to sleep. I just want to sleep somemore so that I will not be so deprived of rest. But as usual, my eyes are closed, but my mind is wide awake.

As usual, the mind would typically float many different thoughts. Then I came upon the idea of who am I, how I see it, and how I allow others to see it. I find myself being contradicting. Even though I am more of an ang moh person (I think) in thoughts and expressions, I am still a reserve person when it comes to application. Normally, a westernised behaviour comes attached with a very liberal and open mind. But I guess I belong to the conservative liberal. Hahaha... I thought many people may think that I am quite liberal in my thoughts and expressions. Basically, I think I do things differently from your typical Singaporean Chinese. I like to think deep into certain topics and not just take things as they are, and I like to stop and smell the flowers, something that people don't really appreciate.

Or maybe I am not westernised or liberal or whatever. Maybe I am just different.

Then I thought of how, even though I may enjoy the Western approach to things and people, when they are presented to me, I shy away, hold back and left it there.

Then I thought of the many times when male friends treated me with respect, you know the way I thought a lady should be treated, just like the Westerners do. And how did I reacted? I shrivelled and shrunk and shy away from the well-meaning attentions.

I can't really pin down the reason why. It maybe because I am frequently the wallflower in social events in my earlier years, or maybe cos I do not bother to make myself noticeable or be in the centre of attention, due to my extraordinary height. I am all too used to be treated by others in a couldn't care-less, and non-important manner. If I need to have something done, the natural reaction is to do them my own way, without external help. Probably because it is very rare that I get help without asking, which in turn, result in my independence.

So when well-meaning male friends treat me with respect, in gentlemanly manner or REALLY listen and respond to what I say, or offer to help me in some task, I am taken aback. I will shrivelled and stop what I was doing, and shove away the attention. I would claim independence and "It's OK, I can do it", and take over what the men offer to do for me.

It's so contradicting; I long for gentlemenly gesture to be shown to me, yet when someone does that to me, I couldn't take it.

I think I am slightly better now, after more people show genuine care and concern for me, that when they offer to do certain tasks to me, I will let them. But still, sometimes, I just think I dont't deserve these attention and wish that they will leave me alone to be myself.

Silly girl huh?

Finally, I am beginning on a dream that was lost

Tonight was the 1st lesson.

Finally, I am able to start on something that I have always wanted to do, but never know how. Yep, I have begun my translation class. Yippee-ai-eh!! It's all so exciting!

Gosh, there is so many formats for sentence structures in chinese. Those formalised ones lah... Like adjectives, grammer, verbs, nouns in English... Just that they are not in English.. Haha!

In general, I think my classmates are "high-hands". Their spoken Mandarin is fantastic. When the lecturer was doing some exercises, they reacted very fast. For me, I was still like "Err...." and they already shout out their answers. I guess I need a little getting used to. While doing introduction, one of them said that she wish to get out of the country by learning translation. I think and think even when I get home. I think if you leave the country, your language ability will not be as good, cos you don't have the environment to practice. Well, it used to be my purpose to learn this skill, now I am having second thoughts...

Haiz, what to do, I am a late bloomer...

Tonight already got homework. Tomorrow gotta do 4 minute oral presentation of a topic, do a check for mistake on a local newspaper article (Done that... Gosh, I am really embarrassed to read that our local newspaper writes really bad Chinese articles!) and to write (ANOTHER) essay. I guess essay writings are essential, cos I know it will harness and hone our Chinese language usage.

Anyhow, I am going back to my essay writing. Sorry Miss Joss Stone and Mr Nat King Cole, I guess I will spend time with you folks another day.

*Poof!*

Ramble-lings of Today....

First time in my life, I waited in the 7-11 store for the cashier to come out to collect payment for the Big Gulp my brother ordered (amidst the fact knowing that it's raining heavily as I am about to return home).

I waited, the mother and her two daughters and one son waited, then came a Malay guy doing his shopping, and another foreign worker wanting to pay for his bread.

We waited. And waited. I was contemplating whether should I just leave the store with the drink without paying, or lay down $2 for the $1.50 Big Gulp at the counter as I have no change. The younger daughter of the family told her mom that the cashier had told her to that she will take a while. She wonders loudly in Mandarin if the girl had been abducted or raped.

FInally, the elder daughter went into the back of the store and announced that the cashier was sleeping inside!

Gosh. I went in with her as she knocks on the door of the sleeping girl. She woke up and saw through the CCTV that there are alot of people in the store, said "Sorrie! Sorrie" and quickly ran to the the front of the store.

I am appalled. Where did she go last night, that she has to sleep at the back of the store, leaving the store unattended like that? It's a good thing that there are honest people around this neighbourhood. Imagine what would happen to her if the store was looted.

Unforgettable (As Nat King Cole begins to sing...)

=========================================

I was doing blog-hopping and checking out a comment I left on someone's blog. Maybe I gave out the secret with reference to the blog, or maybe my comment was not something that this particular blogger likes to see on the space, so all I saw where my comments are was this:

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the thoughts dawned... said...
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

10/1/06 12:49 AM

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There was no comments following that, no explanation from the author of why the comment was removed. I thought at least if there is an explanation would be good. You know, it's just me, I want to know the truth.

But I guess it's not going to be. But truth be told, I have no hard feelings, if You are reading this. I am just curious, that's all.

=========================================

- It's 12:46 now and I am not sleeping yet.
- I've missed the next chapter that I am suppose to read for Purpose Driven.
- Tomorrow I will begin my Translation Class. Which reminds me, I need to print the exercise now...
- I hope the lecturer will not find my typed-out Chinese essay a show-off. I just find it easier to organise my essay this way...
- Gosh, I am SO stuck with this stay up habit. I better do something... Like Now.

Good night Joss Stone. I'll put you on again tomorrow.

Back from The Trip

Yes, yes, I am back from The Trip.

It was a good escape and time off. I spoke more Cantonese and Malay than I did the last time, and understood more of the latter language. I could ask "Berapa?" and "Mana Tandas?" and understood the replies. Yes, it's liberating in that sense. It means I am unlikely to be lost in the language, much less lost in town. For I've figured out the train route in the city and was given much opportunities to explore the town on foot and train. ALL BY MYSELF.

Yes, it's liberating, in that sense. To just be myself and mope my way around. I discovered that it's actually not that bad to be by myself in a town full of people, or shopping centres for that matter. Now I truly understand why some tourist do not mind walking all by themselves on Orchard Road, it's really not that bad afterall.

Now, to answer my own questions in the previous previous message:

The luxurious coach service was so smooth, I have no opportunity to be summoned back to meet the Big Guy. I am reminded of a personal revelation: that it's not my time yet. He's not done with me yet.

I brought along The Purpose Driven book with me on The Trip. Reason being I have not completed the book and thought I might as well do some chapters during the trip. Interestingly, when I picked up where I stop, I've passed the personal chapters and it's time to move on to Love and the Church Family.

I read and I ponder. There were things to pause, think and reflect. I know the things that I should do, but I am still insistent that I've done those things in the past. I still think it's not entirely up to the individual to live up the responsibility for the church. The church still needs to do something to it's members, and not just quote books and bibles saying it's the member's responsibilities. It's complex, I know.

As of now, my hands are still folded. Still hands off.

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I'm getting the headache now. Gosh, i think I should stop writing about such spiritual things.

The blonde and the blond-er

Believe me, you gotta read this!

Pray for me, please.

Darn. The darn cable connection somewhat slowed down tonight.

Tomorrow, this time, I will be in another place, another unfamiliar place. On my own. Well, technically speaking, I will be on my own. Even though I would be staying in the residence of a friend.

No doubt it's only a neighbouring country, and it's in the city. Still... Somewhat, tonight I feel heavy pangs of emotions welling up.

I haven't done this for some years now. I remember when I did it the last time, it felt liberating for me to explore an entire unfamiliar place on my own. Walking on my own, taking public transport on my own, in another land. But well, that was when I was about to launch on a personal resolution to be more adventurous.

Between then and now, many things have changed. I can feel myself being insecured about tomorrow. I even thought about possibility of me being killed in a freak accident on the way :P I did some mental calculation on the possibility, and weighed on the probables that will happen should I be summoned back to heaven.

I would be ashamed to stand before the Throne of the Almighty as of now. I will want to hide from his prying eyes on those things that I have been doing before He transported me from my world to His. Previously, I have had no qualms about being called, cuz I know I have been, or at least tried my best to be, faithful. But at the turn of the year, I am in the very grey of things, and things are not as clear-cut as they used to be. There were many moments I knew I had blatantly rebelled, and simply "bo chap". It was a huge difference compared to the me before this year.

The decisions and plans that I've made for this year had been obviously anti-establishment, at least to THE establishment I was in. Mentally, I tried to deny the fact that I am seeking revenge my way. However, it couldn't have been more obvious to myself, because almost every anti- action I take, all I could think of is "Just to show them how much they have neglected my needs as a person" or "I'll let you all know how much you need me/how much work you have given me" and to the most obvious "I don't want to be a part of this, AT ALL."

Yes, it's suicidal. Not as in physically throwing myself down from the top of a building. It's more like courting my own spiritual death.

I can't help but think that there ARE people out there in THAT establishment who loved me, but... I can't reciprocate in the same way. It's just not the same. I have very different, and probably very high, expectations of how I want to be regarded as a follower or a family of the church. And in an imperfect world, when reality fails expectations, I beat my chest and cry "Why!".

So in retaliation for not getting what I want, the beginning of the year marks the rebellion. "Because people don't bother to ask why and how" , I've taken the other route of not responding and not being interested. I guess that's just giving people the same treatment of how they've treated me.

The original intention to take on this trip, even when there were offers to go on others with company, is basically to go on a retreat and seek solace and reason why all this is happening to me. I need to know why. And to spend time with Him, for busyness has warranted me an excuse to talk to him only on Sundays.

I know it's exeedingly inquisitive of me to demand the reason why God wants to wringe me dry during this period. Because it has never happened to me before. And now that it HAS happened... I have nothing to hold on to to handle this.. "Whatever". No amount of bible passages, promises, testimonials is able to save me from this mess. I can only rely on my previous encounters with God as my guidebook to paddle furiously in this ocean of confusion... to shore.

For the next 5 days, I have a feeling I will not be able to achieve what I have set myself to achieve. However, I am going to try to do it when I have the opportunity to do so.

But as of now, there seemed not to be any motivation to do that. I'll bring my tools anyway. Really, if ever there will be a motivation when I am there, only God Himself will have the ability to move me.

Pray for me, please. Thank you.

Little Niece's in Primary 1 today!!

Was talking to her on the phone after tv had some reports on young children feeling traumatised at the start of new school.

She sounds really serious about her first school day. When I ask her if she had fun, she said she wasn't playing around. Asked if she cried, she said she did not, but her friend did. So cute :)

Then when mom told me to remind her to close the door when she visits the toilet, she say she always does it. I ask her if she ever got lost in school, and if her school was big. She said she was lost once when she was trying to get back to class from the toilet, and they need to carry a toilet pass when they visit the toilet.

I've always known she is quite independent and am proud of her for being so on the 1st day of school. So I told her that I will get her something when I go on a trip. She whispers her wishes to me and told me that this is a secret that daddy and mommy and meimei should not know. Probably her parents wouldn't grant her the wish and meimei would tell her off. But I guess she has much trust in me that I would get it for her. Already noted it down and put it in my passport so that I will remember.

Ahh... I am just so glad that the product of my modern teaching bore fruits. She is still so adorable on the phone and spoke alot of what happened during her first day at school.

It was like only last month when she was an adorable baby taken care of by mom. I will always the moment when my mom told me when she shook little niece's hand, she was curious and kept looking at her moving shoulder...

Time really flies...

1st midnight blog of 2006!

Ok, slap me if you want to. But I really can't stand it.

He messaged me on MSN that he has just finish Bible Study with Her. I'm like "So?" But being the nice girl I seemed to be all the time, I replied "oh... I see...". 2 minutes later, he messaged again "did some new year resolutions..." And I am like "SO?". But again, I replied in the same politically correct manner "ur huh".

I don't get it. Why does he always talk to me like that? Why bother telling me all these if you are not expecting a reply from me? Why tell me things that leaves me no room to response, and it's all about you?

"If you have nothing better to say, don't say anything." That had always been my motto. I'm like... HUH... you don't have to report to me the things you do at your end.

And also... either he's really slow, being polite. My nickname tonight, after hearing mom, was changed out of spite. In fact, if you know Chinese fairly well, you should be able to guess the verse that precedes water that was thrown out. I've already thought it well. If anyone ask me innocently, I would just changed it to refer it as words spoken. But anyone who is sharp would be able to pick up what I am trying to say.

So anyway. At least he is not bothering me now. Phew. I have great difficulty talking to intellects. Not just that they are boring, but they only understand themselves.

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Last night was a BLAST! I guess I must've surprised many for not turning up at the countdown at church. Haha... this is just the beginning... The ugly side of Joyce will be very obvious in 2006.

The steamboat at R.'s was wonderful. Even though there were some people whom I seldom or never meet, everyone had fun. It's just the kinda thing you enjoy with good company who genuinely is interested to have fun with you as THEIR companion.

Thereafter, undecided of where to go, J. suggested we go drinking
(interuppted... oh gawd.... he's sending me a bible study plan... er... duh.. )

Thereafter, undecided of where to go, J. suggested we go drinking. So we went to this F.C. club in Hougang. Geez, the music was techno and blasting at top volume...
(... now was sent a bible verse link...)
Fortunately, we get to use a ktv room. Initially we had to share it with other people.. but after they left, boy did we had fun. We danced wildly at the fast songs and there were quite a lot we requested... everybody was wild and it certainly was party time!!! Though we missed the countdown (they had a CAI SHENG DAO song playing when it strucked midnight.. so CINA!!)

It was a fun fun night... with the right company... i thoroughly enjoyed myself. Who knows what I will end up doing if I went to church last night.. probably left to my own devices after the service ends. Ending up being pathetic.

What a wonderful way to wrap up the old year and begin a new one!

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Fortunately, today I can slip into the right pews in the sanctuary when I enter this morning. With last night's pon-ten of service, it was the beginning of my attempt at a low profile, non-existence presence in QBC. I wasn't listening to the sermon as a whole, only catch a bit that we should bloom where we are planted, and that the church should be able to increase it's membership by 25% and reach 900-1000 by 2010. And that we could be the Ananias for someone.

At other times, I was planning on my hiatus... Whose church should I start to visit? ... Do I truly want to go to the Chinese Cong, since my excuse is a blatant cover to not attend the English Cong? .... My new year resolution is "I will say NO"... Then shortly, J. sms-ed me a New Year Greeting, including the name of his baby's (due in Apr) name... my other pal smsed me and asked if J. got a baby already, and we just sms-ed back and forth for about 4 times during service. After service, I sms-ed J. if he mind me visiting his church. He replied and asked me to go Alpha, I let out a smile and replied to him that I am already over the phase and would like to be away from church.

I guess I would have to start to do something after I have begin my lessons... Otherwise, I would just be a procrastinating indecisive twerp. Talk big but no action. I truly want to hideaway from the main group so that I can be a nobody.

Ahhhh... next week will be my break week and supposedly-seek-God's-direction rest. I wonder if I would be able to do it.