Still very very much goo-goo-ga-ga over Bo Bice...

I have had such strong affections for a celebrity for a long long time liao... I mean, chasing over yahoogroups, reading AI website, checking Bo's myspace... oh mi god... I am losing myself.

This morning while brushing my teeth, I thought to myself, why Bo? Well, he is everything I hope to for in a guy! He's a rocker, yet, he is traditional (given his proud display of his parent's picture at myspace, and the endearing dare he had with his mom to go for AI. I mean which 29 yr old is doing this kinda thing with his parents now?! In doing that, it shows that there is a lil bit of fun element in him too!)

Tonight, I'll catch him on AI again... Go Bo!! ;)

Gee... I am so obsessed with Bo Bice... I think I wanna plaster his pictures in AI4 on my eMac at the office.. ahahaa... Just now saw him and the others did a group-song kinda thing, he was playing the guitar with Carrie Underwood.. Man.. he looks best with a guitar... he sings well too.. Would he and Carrie go pak tor together? Hmm... Everything look so high school.. haha.. I feel like I am back in QSS again.. Fantasising TV personalities.. :P :P

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Recently discover that Sis likes to peer over me and ask in a pretend manner, what is this, what is that... I dunno.. it just feels weird. I am not the kind who reports everything happening in my life to 10 persons, so sometimes, when people are KPO, I am quite defensive.. But it's not serious defensive lah.. just feels strange why people wants to peer into my uninteresting life. haha.

Go Koonz now.. ZZZzzzzzzz...............

Faithfulness. Sometimes, faithfulness can be translated as stewardship. How you take care of your things/stuff/items, personal or shared.

I think Singaporeans in general have problems managing Faithfulness. For the things they have been given, for the things they own, for the things they are blessed with.

People take each other for granted and does not care about feelings other than their own. People don't take care of public property and ripped off art installations. People take for granted the items they were given and chuck them aside. People take for granted talents they were blessed with and did not bother to cultivate it.

I finally figured out why I am always so frustrated with people. They can't handle faithfulness the way I expect it to be. I can be faithful, but the people around me are faithless. I promised to be with them to the end, but in between, people get distracted and left without telling me why. Ironically, they were the either the ones who tell me they will never leave me, or they were the ones who assure me that they will not drop me like a hot brick.

I really do not trust friendships that promises to last forever. Or maybe I shouldn't get so hang up on relationships. Afterall, people and circumstances changes, movement of people and their emotions are inevitable. Maybe I should just take it easy and treat everyone as a passerby. The way, my hurt meter will be shorter.

But as always, I wish I could do it, but I am not as hard-hearted as the people around me. I always end up being the loser.

It's a blessing. It's a curse.

Faithfulness, where can I find you?

After watching Michael Flatley's Lord of the Dance special on tv, I finally discover why I have been feeling all this queer reflections about me and my relationships and communication with my current batch of friends.

First of all, what did I discover about myself after watching the show? I love the arts, tremendously! I finally discover that art can come in any form: paintings, drama, plays, musicals are the most common ones, dance is another one. Looking at how MF and his troupe performing the dance was exhilerating.

Whenever the camera moves to and focus onto MF or his dancers feet, I am just so amazed at how this art has evolved. The dance has brought to my attention of God's creation. God created us to be able beings, to enjoy feet dancing, tapping.. what we do with it, really, glorifies His creation. It's simply breathtaking to see how, that without any talking at all, the dance performance provides an hr full of entertainment for the audience, including myself. It simply communicates vibrance, life, excitement, and the amazing glory of God's creativity. I think no words really can express what the excitement it brings, because only the audience can comprehend and understands all those aforementioned items, when they watch it. Before that, no amount of convincing can justify the excitment a Dance fan can relate a non-dance fan. You have to see it, feel it, to believe it.

So, how does this revelation has any relation to my recent reflection of the people I used to hang out with?

This period of buffer in btw jobs and people transitions made me reflect on the kind of lifestyle I really, really want to have. This is further affirmed by the documentary I watched late afternoon today (Wow, alot of tv-watching in one day!). It tells about the residents of a Red Cross home for the physically paralysed (or something liddat). How happy they are when their emotional needs are met by caring nurses, volunteers and family members. My heart still stirs whenever I see such things. I cannot ignore the fact that I am still concern for people who are less fortunate than I am, even though I am not exactly living a locally-approved level of lifestyle. I do not think I belong to the local genre of young adults who go drinking and clubbing, no matter how many times I follow them, and how many glasses of beer I can drink. I am just not like that.

Seeing the audience of the Dance enjoying the show also makes me sit up and think. I am really born in the wrong country. I would love to be soak with people who enjoy the essence of such art, yet, I am surrounded by people who only enjoys clubbing, drinking, movies, karaoke, eating.. It's lifestlye, I know, but, seems like their lack of concern for the arts is kinda weird to me.. I have tried to blend in, for the past 1 year and half, I have been doing it. But, I still do not feel comfortable going on doing it for long. It's just not me. Hence, I declined the offer to go drinking last Thursday.

In fact... I have decided to tell them all that I have discovered that I am not suitable for that kind of lifestyle. God has been speaking alot to me too, recently. I just have to tell them that, I want to stop the drinking and the clubbing, cos I am just not into it, after that year of experimenting. I am going to go after what God wants me to do, that is to live a life to glorify Him, to tell people about His salvation for them all, to live a quieter life. I will still do the regular stuffs like movies and karaoke. But I do not think I am keen on drinking anymore, or clubbing. I just can't find any satisfaction in these "pleasures", they have proved to be empty, as I have guess before I started the activities.

I am bracing myself that I may lose them. But I have to be honest, afterall, it's my life that I have to live with for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be happy living the lives that follows others, just to please them. It's time I live the life that I know is the life that is right for me. I will be writing an sms, mebbe direct them to my blog to tell them this decision. It will be sad if they do not see it the way I see it. I just hope that they will also thru it, reflect about their own life, and have a spiritual awakening.

It's going to be difficult, I have to do it still. It's the time to get a hold of what I am living for, and live what I believe in.

I have been thinking... what is an "AJ"? Can someone out there enlighten me please?

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Yesterday receive an email showing pictures of the budha statue remaining sturdy after the tsunami.

I wanted to reply to the email that not just the budha statue has withstood the tsunami. Mosques and churches have also withstood the tsunami. But then I deleted the reply. I don't want to sound as if I am high and almighty and point out that that certain person is just one of those people who are amazed, just cos they only see one side of the situation.

What I can do is to continue to do my best to testify and have the boldness to witness through my lifestyle and my life. And to seek the opportunity to introduce Christ into the conversation whenever I can. I just find it hard to bring it in amidst of conversation, and I find myself shying away from topics that non-believers bring up that are related to Christianity. I start to look around, I start to dodge, I start to shake my head and say, what to do...

And then after that I feel so ashamed of myself for not using the opportunity to clarify issues.

Well, at least I think my boldness has went up one notch when I met up with the ex-colleague who tried to sell me Amway. She is good with stating her point, and is the kind who gets swayed when pretty ideas of hope float to her. I really do not like the business and certainly is a little turned off by the way she tries to brings me in (puts in an extra product for me to try; telling me that I cannot judge unless I go to the meetings; keep saying that those negative comments about the business is just one of those people who can't make it) It really darn pisses me off. So what, if i dun join, that means I am a fool. I resist that kinda attitude.
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Just returned from writing an email to her. Though I am pissed about she trying to push the Amway deal to me, I try to sound less irritated :P Afterall, it's the business that turns me off and not her. After telling her that I am a natural non-MLM person, I wrote about other things. Below is an extract:

I have one observation though, when you presented the business to me. Your eyes were shining when you mentioned that one of the Diamond folks had just changed his car from a dunno-what brand to a BMW, or vice-versa.

You also repeatedly asked me to think about what we want to do with our lives, what is our purpose amidst of all this living and working. I have given some thought about it as I walked home from our last meeting. Let me give you my moral answer to your question.

I am half-way through a book called "A Purpose-Driven Life". My purpose in life, is to please God and tell people about His love for all. Sure, we still need to have practical financial means to live. But throughout my 13 years of being a Christian, I know that God will provide what I need, when I need it. When it's time for me to live a comfortable life (most Christians do not, frankly :), I am sure He will do it. We have a saying, "Man proposes, God disposes". At the end of the day, whether or not I fulfill my purpose I plan for myself, my loved ones, or to God, it's up to Him. Afterall, His love for me is bigger than any Tsunami that can ever happen in my life :)

Hope the above paragraphs didn't freak you out :) I just cannot hold down new things I learnt about God for the past 6 years. Like you, you want to share good things, same thing I am doing now. Only that it came 6 years late.

I felt proud after typing the last few bits. I am finally penning down my thoughts about my view of the God whom I want my friends to see. But it's really hard to tell people within a short span of time who God is, what He does to my life, and what He can do if we say "Yes" or "No" to Him.

I have got alot of people to tell about God... I am working on it.. My target is to at least win one soul for Christ this year. God, I will need all the help You can give ya?

Joyce