- live feed of song removed cos i screwed up radioblog... will put it back again. -

This song kept me in the ministry. Long enough.

Only A Fool by GEOFF MOORE & THE DISTANCE

I Corinthians 3:18-19
18 Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. 19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"[

Verse One

Charlie Was A Fool
Did You Hear What He Went And Did?
He Quit His Job, Threw It Away
Gave His Life To A Bunch Of Kids
He Said He Was In Love With Jesus
But His Friends Didn't Understand
He Could've Had It All
But He Just Smiled And Said
That He Already Did.


Chorus
He Saw The Big In The Small
He Saw The Beauty In The Call
Even When No One Else Approved
He Took The Job Only A Fool Would Do.


Verse Two

Sarah Was A Beauty Queen
Miss Something Or Another
She Took Off Her Crown
Rolled Up Her Sleeves
Gave Her Life In A Mission To Others
She Said She Was In Love With Jesus
But Her Friends Called Her A Fool
They Said She'd Never Find Happiness
She Just Looked At Them And Smiled
And Said She Already Did.


Chorus
She Saw The Big In The Small
She Saw The Beauty In The Call
Even When No One Else Approved
She Took The Job Only A Fool Would Do.


Bridge
The Way Of The World, It May Look Wise
The Way Of The Truth Is To Realize
Wisdom Will Only Come Through
To Those Who Are Only The Fool.


Chorus
Show Me The Big In The Small
Show Me The Beauty In The Call
Show Me The Road That I Should Chose
I'll Take The Job Only A Fool Could Do.


Chorus
Show Me The Big In The Small
Show Me The Wonder Of My Call
Even When No One Else Approves
I'll Take The Job For Only A Fool
Only A Fool, Only A Fool.

I feel like a fool. And I feel so stupid.

[ Before leaving the church for business meeting ]
Sms-ed my brother and ask him if he is going straight to church. He replied that he is not going and that he is coming back home for dinner.

"Pastor, how do I tell someone that he ought to go for prayer meeting or business meeting? Telling them 'Why aren't you going for prayer meeting' isn't the best line, I suppose."

I wonder how would the answer be. Even my own brother and sister also dun attend. And I don't want to accuse them. I know people do have valid reasons.

[ Met J. at the MRT ]
I'm reminded that he told me today that he is not going for business meeting.
"Am I a fool for going to the meeting?"

[ On the train ]
Recently haven't hear people meeting up for dinner before prayer meetings or business meetings anymore.

[ Walking along the fence of COGS ]
"Am I a fool? Heck, I am too early to be normal"

Remembered a song... "He took the big and the small.... I'll take a job for only a fool." Can't remember which band sang the song, but I know I've got the CD.

[ Worship has started ]
I look around. The attendance of English Congregation members is PATHETIC.
"Am I a fool to have come?"

[ Into the meeting proper ]
PGH shared about the amount of youths and young adults taking up Splat. That's good to hear. This new generation will start a clean slate.
My generation? No cure liao.

There were also sharing of how the Talent Night brought out the best of QBC's famili-ness. Yeah, but only for a moment. Even if it exists, I think the Chinese Congregation has more of that.

Well, there seems to be more English Congregation people around.

But not many of them are youths or young adults, or old adults like me. I only see older people talking to older people.

Maybe I should tell them how i feel in the next prayer meeting. Maybe not, cos it's what I feel. Maybe yes, cos it calls for concern and prayer.

I'll tell them I feel like an alien. That nobody can hear me or understand me. That I am not super-human being. That I think they seriously need to look into the internal heartware of the church.

The song is coming back to me...
"Charlie was a fool..."
"... was a beauty queen, Ms Something or other... .... she puts her crown, roll up her sleeve, give her life in a mission to others,
She say she, is in love, with Jesus, but her friends couldn't understand.....

She saw the big in the small,
she saw the beauty of the call,
even when no one else approves,
I'll take a job, for only a fool.."

This song kept me in the ministry. Long enough.

[ Reached home ]
Saw brother was on the comp chatting and browsing some websites. I couldn't hold it down "You would rather chat and look at websites than to go business meeting."

He retaliated, and said that he is very tired.

"And I am such a fool to have gone! I am just a stupid fool! I go for prayer meetings, business meetings, and people like you can suka suka dun go!" The tears came out.

I went to the toilet to take off my contact lens and makeup.

[ Out of the toilet ]
The computer is no longer used by him. I went to watch the tv about an old man with a wife and 3 children. All of them have got mental problems. My heart aches for this family.

In all things, give thanks.

The psychiatrist said something about mental illness. I dunno whether if I have it, remembering my explosion just now. And my recent brush with depression.

My brother clarify with me that he felt tired and by the time he reached home and have dinner, it would be late. He din wait for me to respond, or maybe I wasn't responding, and went to bed.

[ Such a fool. ]
That song was one of those songs that kept me going in ministry. It wasn't something worshippy. But it spoke to my heart.

But now, I feel like I am a fool. People have no problems conjuring up excuses not to attend church stuffs. But I cannot.

So stupid, right?

It seems like those who go now are those who live within the vicinity of Queenstown, and those who are aged 36 and above. How about the rest?

It's rather obvious.

I blog when I feel tense, stressed, frustrated, tired, sick, or just feeling simply yucky.

Today, I feel yucky. I think it's the drugs that's causing the feeble weakness and drowsiness. I feel really weak now. Gosh, it's a miracle that I can still type.

I think I am getting the cold, cos got sore throat and wet nose. But the medicine are not helping.. it would if I am in my house now.. sleeping..

Argh.. I don't like to feel so sick..

I've been losing sleep for the past few days.. dunno why. Just can't sleep well. Either very tired and can't sleep through the night, or cannot get to sleep at all.

Also meantime, some things were revolving in my mind:

- Why were people looking at me at the dinner whenever i come in from the entrance or just to check out the no. of places filled up? I hope they looked at me cos I looked more pretty hahaha... i can't think of any other reason liao.. One thing, some of the relatives seldom see me, maybe they saw a BIG improvement in me since we last met?!

- Now that most of the major things have settled down, I am rethinking the decision I made earlier... I realised no matter how disappointed I am with the programmes of the church, the people in there still draws me back...

- I am really not a programmes person. I am a more people person. I cannot handle tasks and projects or programmes. I find that young people are more open to talk to me, compared to my peers of similar capacity.

- It's probably time I change ministry; maybe similar target group, but in a new manner.

I really need time to think and pray over this.

Hello. I don't know what to write about what has happened for the past 2 days. But I want to write something.

Thursday I was still in a lil bit of relax mode. The only major thing I did was to go for hair rebonding. Had intended to go do some shopping stuffs after that, but din expect to stay in the hair salon for 4 hours! Anyhow, I got the shopping done the next day. Sis was still doing something to the guestbook before the big day! She was quet though... dunno what is that suppose to mean...

Saturday, D. woke up at 4.30am! Her voice awaken the rest of us and we got up by about 5am to start to get ready. People start to stream in and the gatecrashing thing and whatever proceeded. Now that I recall, it's quite an event, and it's different when your own sister is the one who gets married, and not a friend...

Cut the long story short, I think all the stresses and unpleasantness are natural processes to the wedding day. Can truly understand why the pressure is on the couple. And what a relief it is for the both of them now that it's over.

Oh, on Saturday, brother commented that it's strange not to have sis around. And although for me, I treated her frequent absence from home before her wedding day as an pre-empt, it still felt different. Because this time round, she is not going to come back at 11 or 12 midnight. She has her own home at another place, that is her new home. No more of her getting excited about little things and me reacting in half-excitement. Come to think of it, I had been really rude, hadn't I? :(

I can't help it, my mind were too occupied with church stuffs.. I have realised that I've lost a lot on human relationships with my involvement with church stuffs. Because they became so overwhelming, my interaction at home is mostly with the computer and not with family members. I am apologetic, and I will strive to restore them in 2006.

Well, a new day has started for our family. Just wish all the best for the new couple and that with this new phase, we will have better relations in the days ahead, even though there were tensions in the process of preparation.

Amen!

Argh. I don't like getting misunderstood.

But it seems to be so. Someone din read my messages properly, relayed it to another person, and the other person probably thinks that I am very BA DAO.

Arghh..

I just don't get it.

Am I really the convenient scapegoat? Was it my fault that I do not know that she need to use the toilet cos she got something to do in the morning, of which I do not know of? Was it my fault that she should've work out her timing properly? Doesn't she know that I need to go to work? Why is her needs more important than what I normally do?

Right. She is getting married.

I am just so overwhelmed by her "me" mentality. She didn't do her planning properly, things screwed up. It's because of me. She says nobody want to help her, because I gave her a black face when she is looking for printer to print the card.

I mean... HELLO.... the card has already been printed and distributed, and she is still using this to remind me that it's all my fault? "Remember...."

Gosh. I wonder how this two people made the decision to get married. They can't even get over their own "me" mentality. If she is going to go into the marriage with this "remember that time..." mentality.. Then all the best to J.

Anyway, this morning I've concluded. Whatever I do or do not do, I am the devil. It's all my fault. Anything went wrong, is all my fault.

I'd still say everything is all about bad planning.

What to do.

~ A convenient scapegoat.

Wow, so many revelations today... better note them down...
------------------------------------------

Might as well comment "God never rest, why doe she need to take a rest now?" Using a Pastor in comparison with me is not as impactful as what I am suggesting.

==========================================

Nobody EVER suggest to me that I take a break. If I never reveal that, I don't think anyone would ever come up to me and say, Joyce, I think you should take a break.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If serving requires no work, then it's not serving.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


Even today in cell group, I feel very out of place. I cannot identify myself with the sharing. Others seem to be very excited about their sharing, I thought I needn't share anymore, if nobody ask. Nobody ask, so I never share. I was quiet throughout the entire bible study session, heck, I don't think I am even paying attention to the bible study... Maybe I shouldn't be in there.

#########################################



Take 3 months to be away from QBC and away from any possible service, go visit other churches and be a normal member.

"Dear all who are concern,

As you have already know, I am stepping down from AGLOW ministry as a leader and as a shepherd.

I will also be taking a break of minimum of the first 3 months of 2006 from QBC. Will be going to various churches for visiting and for rest and restoration, and to be a quiet visitor.

In the meantime, should anyone ask you where have I been, please graciously answer for me that I am having a retreat from the church. I am still in the big "C", but I am visiting other churches. Please tell them that I am having a retreat, hence, I will do nothing pertaining to ministry or service.

Simply put, I would like to step out of the flow and spend quality time with God. I've not give quality time to Him in recent years. It's time to catch up.

However, I'm available for lunch and coffee anytime, even a movie or a karaoke session. But please, no ministry talk. Let's talk about your life and mine. Not many people are interested to know about what's happening in my life, but I don't mind getting to know about yours. Let's spend some time to catch up with what God's been doing in our personal lives. Amen? I promise it will go beyond the "How are you?".

Thanks for helping!

Much love,
Joyce"

Phew, it's finally over! :)

I finally told the most important group of people of my departure from the ministry, and my "break". There were no surprised faces on the leader's faces, and I am not surprised. The biggest thing that happened to me was when I told Aunty J. about my struggles, briefly, when we were having lunch.

I'm glad to hear that she supported my move to step down and take a rest, but like others, also added that hopefully I am not the kind who took a break and disappeared forever and ever. Well, she was the only one who actually told me that today. In fact, I felt her support even stronger when she related to me that when I was doing the ministry sharing, and revealed about my need to take a rest, someone mumbled why should I take a rest when Ps.E never take a rest. Her response for me was something I am grateful for. She understands very well what I am going through.

Shepherd D. told me that I gave a good presentation on AGLOW. Which, I really don't know which part connected to him... I mean, I only talked about significant events I know of, my prayer for AGLOW (Consolidate, Communicate, Care & Community), Ministry Challenges (shepherd/parent rapport, stronger worship, ministry with quality and not quantity, need new blood, Community Challenges (QPS needs and mission needs). Hmm.... maybe I should ask him when I got a chance.

I am thankful that somethings, without me highlighting, were highlighted by noted leaders of the church. As proven, God knows my heart and cries, and will bring them out for me.

Anyway, back to Aunty J. ...., she has noticed also people my age group, not too young, not too old are tired and disappearing... and shared that she has suggested that certain ministry provide an avenue for people like mt to have healthy fun. I'm surprised that I am comfortable to shared with her my struggles of my needs as an individual. More comforting to hear that she say she will push for more to be done for people like me, or around my age group.

Other things to notes:
- I took mental notes that certain areas require translation...
- also mental notes of the needs of other ministries (time to change ministry?)
- hear suggestions about families relationship building
- find myself liking what chinese congregation is doing in the report (change congregation)?
- new counselling unit in caring ministry...
- and others I can't think of....

Yes, I am rethinking about my decision to leave the church... minimum first 3 months however, i hope to stay away... how.. I dunno.. probably go friend's church...

It's a great relief to have reveal this to the most important group.. next group would be Timothy... then AGLOW as a whole..

as time goes by....

Can somebody pass this link the the QBC leadership pls?

9 singles share their thoughts about our place in the church today

http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/mind30514.html

I've finally come to a point that I have to admit to myself: My expectations of others are too high and too many for a normal person to achieve.

I expect other people to be on time, to be ready for me when I call, to listen to me, to make right choices, to be able to be independent (not dependent on me), to learn the first time they are told, to respect me, to be open to their opinions on me... and many many more expectations.

As a result, when these expectations are not met, I am flustered and frustrated. Why can't they do this, why can't they do that? Why can't they and never "Why can't I"...

It's very difficult for me to lower my expectations on the people I know, because I believe meeting the minimum standards of mine would make them better person in society and among people. Because I just know.

It's miserable to feel this way. Argh.

God, PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MY EXPECTATIONS!

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that Donald Trump came to my house! Him in his coat and jacket and all... And me, I was sorta one of the contestant... But I was really ow-tah... cannot come up with any idea... then I left some children (incl. my niece) to complete my task.. everything was kinda a mess.. haha...

Maybe I had a very deep impression that that Kendra is somewhat like me, only I am not as "fierce". I notice she always keep a low profile at the beginning of the contest, now that is a smart way to stay throughout. Those who tried to prove themselves too early got booted out early as well. When Kendra wants to do something, she does it. But I think she should hv a better way of communicating with her teammates. And not just walk away and say that she feels offended. She is not winning people over.

The Net Worth guys were like a bunch of stooges. They wanted to do well, they thought being guys and assigned to a car assignment is chicken feet. But there is another aspect that they neglect, that you are not selling what you think is good; you gotta sell what the consumers like to see.. Oh well, Chris had to leave. Too bad. It's funny when i see them hugging each other before going into the boardroom and after that say "let's go cut each other's throat". Blatant goofball honesty.

Yesterday was the first to have the children join the adult for worship, I had to be there for 1st service and stayed until the children are dismissed after the 2nd. Then I quietly left... :)

Had 2 dinners over the weekend. Saturday was steamboat buffet at Marina South with family, and last night was with CG at Dragon gate. It was a first for the family on Saturday, though the members are not all present, I think it was an experience for everyone. Last night was a little dinner affair to cheer H. and D. up after they lost their dog. I'm glad S. called for the dinner for that is the least we could do to be with them.

Other than that, have been feeling lazy cos still fighting the flu. Even right now as I type, my eyes are water and nose is itchy. Argh.

I was wondering why did brother called me.

He sounded excited and the first thing he told me was "I got the job already! I got the job already!" For a while I didn't know how to react..

Then I realised.....

"Which one?"

"N.T. lor!"

I couldn't make out the company name, so I anyhow guess the location of the company, "should be either one.." I thought to myself...

"Is that the one at Boon Lay?"

"Ya lor / Hannor!"

"Where are you now?"

"At the library"

"And you called me from the library?"

"Cos they just called me mah!"

"So you are not going to give yourself sometime to think over the offer?"

"I already accepted it liao!"

"No need to think over it?"

"I have thought about it for sometime liao!" (Gosh, he only went for the interview yesterday!)

Well, at least he did do some thinking of it. We hang up on the phone.

I am relieved. I am probably the first person he informed.

What I did that night was right, I told myself. I guess it's God's way of moving me to do stuffs. The feeling was strong that day and I had to do it that night. It was a night that I will never forget. And today is a day I will never forget.

Thank you God. I know you orchestrated this as part of my transition to the next phase. It felt good to know that you are watching my life, and the lives of others around me as well.

Amen.

I didn't expect that it would be so easy.

Ps. R. already knows that I am stepping down, or in his own words "I heard that you are taking a rest." I don't know where did he hear this from, but I'll just leave it as it is. So I didn't have to say much about me next year. But then, as with others, he added "Don't rest too long before it becomes inertia." I didn't clarify with him what is "inertia" but I think it should mean something like don't rest too long until become hibernating.. Let's see what "inertia" means..

According to dictionary.com,

in·er·tia (-nûrsh)
n.

1) The tendency of a body to resist acceleration; the tendency of a body at rest to remain at rest or of a body in motion to stay in motion in a straight line unless acted on by an outside force.
2) Resistance or disinclination to motion, action, or change.

Wow. Chim. I never thought of that. I don't think he meant it literally. He probably meant to say don't rest too long. That's almost the standard statement I get.

Wow again. I have to say, it's easier to clear this hurdle than I thought. :) Thank you God. I think you are behind this. Now this is another affirmation that this break is well-deserved :) There is definitely no one else who can orchestrate all this I've been blogging along, except for you God. Thank you for loving me in such manner.

Now I can go on and complete the tasks before me and leave 2005 with a bang.

========================================

I think I am officially over the Bo-Bice-crazy phase. I guess it was a phase slotted into my life so that I will have a healthy thing to focus on during my depression. Well, at least, Bo honours God in the things that he do. And he really is a good singer. I probably lost my interest in him now that I don't see him often and those cheesy song he sang didn't stay around as much as I expected it to be. But hearing that he is going to collaborate with so many noted celebrities, I feel happy for him. I've not "see walk eye" about him. He is a rocker who is extraordinary. I just pray that he will stay to his beliefs in God and keep the faith amidst of all the hoo-hah about him. So far he has been stayng grounded and not departing from his church. Which I think is a good thing. I hope many will come back to God through the good examples he displayed, and continue to live their lives for God, and not for Bo.

========================================

My brother seemed to be making good progress with his job hunt. I think he is more optimistic about his turnout and more confident when he goes for his interviews today. He doesn't sigh as much about when he mentioned "wait for call" and is excited about getting so many interview calls almost everyday.

Thank you God for making that night of confronting happened. Thank you for using me to clear confusion in his mind and to set him in the right perspective. I am proud that I am your tool.

Today, I did a lot of research on some statistics of local economies... I must confess... I never knew that there is so much data out there on economy. As i do my research and scan through the data that I need for the job, a bit of me felt a sense of pride... and grateful for what the authorities have been doing. Especially grateful for EDB for bringing in so many MNC, and convincing them to make Singapore their headquarters, or hub. It's not easy. Grateful to Mr Philip Yeo as well. I hear his name often, but don't really know what he does. Now I know. I am just so impressed that our local government is trying so hard to bring in foreign investments so that there could be more job opportunities, so that the economies may be revived.

Thank you Singapore Government, Mr Philip Yeo, EDB and anyone who works for the authorities to bring in investment into the country so that more of our people get jobs. The statistics really open my insight to things I never know. And I am so glad I saw them.

=============================================

Yes, I will be leaving next year. So why did I attend Prayer Meeting? I asked myself this question too. The answer is obvious. I didn't go because of the people. I go because of God.

However, I feel more detached tonight. There weren't much people who are around my age group. I wonder why. And I do not think it's fair to say that they have other priorities. Perhaps they are as tired as I am about serving. Perhaps they just want to take a break, like me.

I felt like writing on the slip that the leaders should examine the demographics of the attendees to the prayer meeting and look into the common factor that runs through them. And not just simply ask them to come and pray. Know who comes and why those who should didn't come.

But I didn't write anything.

I am feeling abit queasy already. Whenever there is prayer, my mind wanders. Whenever there are singing, I barely sang. When there are times of reflections, my mind wander again.

I just feel like a stranger... It don't feel the same anymore. I am not feeling anything to the prayer items.

Maybe I should stop going from next month onwards.

Today I step onto the weighing machine, I am 1kg less (but i was 2kg lesser 2 weeks ago!). Hmm... Fluctuating weights... When can it stablised so that I can go look for dresses?

===================================

Aerobics Instructor commented after our step aerobics class that I can now manage to hold on throughout the entire session. I had earlier checked with her why I had short breaths and couldn't stay through. She said maybe it's stress or I need to build up my stamina. Well, I took her advise and build up my stamina by jogging twice a week, in addition to the aerobics class. Also I nabbed the stress bug at the head (in fact it was a minor depression that I was going through then) by letting myself break away from it.

My body benefitted from this form of release. I find more strength when I exercise, and I can handle temporary stresses better.

===================================

Yesterday I suddenly had a thought of getting a tattoo. But of course, I am too chicken to have it done.

I couldn't go to sleep initially too.. Am thinking of how much of the ministry's planning should I plan for next year. Should I exempt Sarawak? Do I tell Ps.R that I am stepping down, since he wouldn't hv much time to "interogate" me cos he has got other meeting after seeing me? Would it be too short a notice to inform the key leaders that I am stepping down?

Anyway, I am very sure I want to step down. No amount of persuasion will be able to stop me. If they press me to stay, I'll have to say I may hv recurrence of the depression again. Last night was really abit of depression setting in again. Argh.

It just gets more depressing when I keep thinking about how little people know about me. Specifically church people. It's ironic to match who the church is what they do.

Yes, we cannot find the perfect church, as the saying goes. But shouldn't the church also know that it's not solely the responsibility of the member when things don't work out, and that the church should also play a part?

Alas. There is no perfect church.

What Your Name Means

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You entered: Joyce C. C. T.

There are 20 letters in your name.
Those 20 letters total to 108
There are 8 vowels and 12 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:
The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.

Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6

A Soul Urge number of 6 means:
With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.

The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.

If you have an over-supply of 6 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative traits common to this number. With such a strong sympathetic attitude, it is easy to become too emotional. Sometimes the desires to render help can be over done, and it can become interfering and an attitude that is too protective, rather than helpful. The person with too much 6 energy often finds that people tend to take advantage of this very giving spirit. You may tend to repress your own needs so that you can cater to the demands from others. At times, there may be a tendency in this, for becoming over-loaded with such demands, and as a result become resentful.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6

An Inner Dream number of 6 means:
You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is hilarious... An online pagan numerology test knows me better based on my name, than church people does. I have to admit, 98% of all this is true.

The church knows my name, but does not know the person who holds the name. I am not disappointed for the wrong reasons.

*snickers*

Well, I think Ps. R. did a good job yesterday speaking to the children. Even though it's nothing related to the children's day. He was able to get the attention of the children and to get them to respond. Not alot of pastoral staff can do that.

But then again, I am having thoughts about asking questons and rewarding them. I've told my teens before, don't do things because you have something good to get back in return. We are human beings, make in the likeness of God. We are not monkeys. We do not have to perform what the teacher expects us to do, just to get a reward. Getting a reward should be the last thing to think of when it comes to the word of God, or anything that is Christian. It should come from the heart, and the willingness to do it.

Anyway, I thought overall, yesterday went along very well. Everyone from the young to the old had fun. And really, appreciate the combined effort of the shepherds, and the youths who came in to help. Thank God for good working and coordination among everyone, even though somethings were not done to our defined perfection. But we definitely achieved what we set out to do, letting the kids have a wonderful time.

Thank God.

Also, I finally announce to the CG my intention to leave AGLOW. But didn't tell them about leaving QBC. T.B. said, don't lie too low, when I said I wanted to rest and to lie low. And asked could I join the interns retreat in January next year. I said again, I wanted to rest. They said, it's a retreatl. They didn't get it.

That's all. Well, I guess... They probably don't know how to react to this piece of news. There were small surprised faces, but overall, I guess it's neutral at this moment cos they probably don't know how to handle this.

Phew, cleared another hurdle.

This thursday, there's another one. Big one. Have to be prepared for it...