Dilemma.. argh.

How do i begin? Was it a mistake to reply to the email that Jo sent? If I did not reply, I would never even need to have so much headache as I am having now. I really do not know what to do.

Before the email, life was Caraven tuition-3hats-freelance-newHowdy... and now all this will be abrupted because of an email I send out without much thought.. argh.

Well, at this point in time, there is no certainty that I will get the job. So why am I so stressed up? Well, I am stressed up because there is a possibility. And if that possibility is realised, what am I going to tell to the other 3 parties that I am responsible to?

I have already told George about it, I think he was caught off by surprise. I findmyself feeling awful cos I broke a terrible news to someone who is anticipating a budding partner with him. Well, now my stand to him is that I want to take up a full-time job. And I do not think that there is a way for me to take back what I have spoken. Because that would be telling him that Howdy is really something for me to do on the side and not serious about.

Next person to tell this to is Sylvia. I really do not know how would she react to it. Would she be happy, or would she urge me to give 3hats another chance? In any case, if I were to take up the job, I will need to finish up my FACOMM work first.

Lastly, its Caraven. I worry if they can find someone to take over the post here. I will not be able to see the kids graduate from here and watch them grow. I know there was one time I told myself that I am rather happy to be in this position, and watch kids grow and mature. However, this job is not meant for a person like me. I am not the kind that is just suitable to be in this kinda admin job for a long time. Or am I?

However the case, I think the most important person to speak to now is Jo. Since that would be a deciding factor, I think I should talk to her first before I make any action. I was foolish to divulge my plan to George. However, that was done on the ground that I do not want to spring a surprise to either her or Sylvia. My way of doing is that I will tell people of my intentions and not to give them "surprises" in a bad sense of the word.

I am quite confused now. So do I still want to continue my nomadic lifestyle of a free-spirited person who is not tied down by a job, or do I want to venture into a full-time position in the creative line and see what my future lies?

God, am I made for business, or am I made for a job? I know right now I have just learnt the ropes of doing business and negotiating and the other aspects of running a business. Should I give it all up to pursue a job that may not even have any advance prospects? One thing is definite. A full-time job will definitely give me a more stable income to upkeep the household when Pat gets married. I definitely need some stable income to keep the housing expenses.

I am feeling dazed and confused. I have no answer. Well, I look forward to You to close one door for me and to open door for the one that is meant for me.

I am looking for it, God. Please show me which direction to look and help me to be sensitive to your guiding.

Joyce

Was on the train just now. And sitting right opposite me seems to be the current ratio of locals versus foreigners. 3 Sg Chinese, 2 China Chinese girls, 1 India indian man.

Man.. what Jason said is true.. we are populated by foreigners. Soon one day, we will be the minority.. haha.. well.. it seems to go back to history again... our ancesters were migrants from China, India and what-have-yous anyway... so why do we need to bother so much?

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I am moving towards saying YES to George's business invitation. Even though at this point in time, I am still not sure if saying yes would lead me anywhere...

First, I have zero capital to start.. if he wants me to do the work, it's fine.. but if he wants me to come up with a sum of money, I am really unable to do so.

Secondly, I really need to weigh this to my committment to Sylvia. 3hats seemed to be moving super slow.. maybe its due to the fact that I have no directions to follow, or maybe because Sylvia is not in the company full-time to chart out the directions. I do not know where is it heading to. I want to be more pro-active, but somehow, there is no motivation and motivator to keep me going.. it gets sluggish after a while.

Honestly, I do not know where am I and what am I in that company.. I told people I am helping out.. but in what way? Urgh. Make them double URGH. I have got a book loan from Sylvia on Marketing.. but the call to keep up with the reading is not strong, and I have already forgotten what I have read. All these are just head knowledge. It needs to be put to the real test. But where are the test? Maybe I should do up the website. Which reminds me...

I have not done much to the QBC website. Better do something about it now.. ciaozzz

1) My harddisk crash on me for the 2nd time. duhz. And it had to happen after I backup my mp3s and about to backup the really important work data files. Double duhz. Fortunately, the comp's still under warranty and they will pick up the comp from my place and fix it. Unfortunately... I have to bring the dua ling kong to the sim lim guy to get the data backup in case the fellas at packard bell "had to" format the harddisk. And then, let the packard bell fellas come pick it up from my hse. Irony....Please remember to backup your data. DO IT NOW!

2) It's been more than 24 hrs since I read and NOT post the chain bulletin msg on friendster that threatens to "delete some user'stestimonials, friends or even your account" if i dun post it and spam/flood the bulletin board (last 5/6 words my own) 5 mins after reading it. "...................................................."

3) Less is more. I thought I must have been the worst organiser for birthday celebrations (and other activities) of others when less than half of the ppl invited turned up. "Maybe no power." But it wasn't that bad afterall. There's greater interaction and more fun in the small group, which may be lacking if the group was bigger. To those who were there that night: It was a fun fun fun night =)