The aftermath of Christmas...

It's so hilarious and sad at the same time, I have to document it down.

I was unwrapping the Christmas gift I was given - a grand total of 4, plus a birthday gift that was given to me a month ago, and lo and behold, one of the gift stood out most prominently.

It was given by someone whom I consider a close friend (I don't have BEST friends; I don't think they exist, not after primary school). When she gave the gift to me, she gave two, saying that she thought one wasn't enough, so she got another one for me.

So I open up the 1st one and it was some kind of a made-in-thailand (there was an elephant figure on the cover) sling bag. It was definitely something I did not expect from her, nevertheless, I thought, it's a gift. Be thankful.

So I open up the flap, wanting to know my gift better. Hey, there's a gift card in the bag "Maybe I can find some reasoning why this bag was given to me.." I thought. And truly, I found the reason.

"dear Jacqueline
Something to strap across your shoulder!
Luv, Valerie"

Instantly, I was dumbfounded.

At last, I have received a recycled gift, which I have heard so much about, and mock at. It finally arrived at my doorstep.

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Should I inform the giver of this? I really dunno what to do.

But I guess, I'll hold this gift for the time being, and will probably throw it away in due time.

Maybe I have too much expectations on people; and in the end, I am the one who gets disappointed. These people have done nothing, it's just they were not aware of what I expect of them.

Anyway, it's a weakness of mine to give away my better things to others; I like to give. Either I live with the fact that I will never be reciprocated, or I stop giving.

Well, let's see what will I do this time in 2006.

Late Bloomer Blossoms

I wonder why do I enjoy girlie things only when I am late into my age...

1) I start to wear contact lenses when I am 29 years old. My peers started wearing them when they were 15 years old.

2) I start to wear makeup daily when I was 30 years old. My peers start to use the eyeliner when they were 12 or 13 years old.

3) I start to alternate between hairstyles when I was about 30 years old too. Whereas my peers have dye their hair, permed it, rebonded it like 10 times...

4) I begin to be more adventuruous in dressing since this year when I started to work in the new job. Probably being in Raffles Place kinda push the desire abit. I was 30 going on 31...

5) I pierced my first set of ear holes on my 31st birthday. At this age, some peers already have 2 ear holes or had their tongue or naval pierced. Some have tattoos. (Alright, the last few items have nothing to do with girlieness)

And now, in year 2006, I will turn 32 in less than 12 months. I was kinda horrified at the thought of it, when it dawned on me one day on the sanitary throne...

32!!!

So what was I doing for the past 30 years prior to that? Such a blur. Obviously, I have not achieved much, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here blogging away.

32!!!

3 more years and I qualify to own a flat on my own.

32!!!

Definitely not a kid anymore. I have to tell my brother to stop messaging me asking me when am I coming home. When I say late, I mean LATE.

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Anyway, back to the girlie stuffs...

Actually I see it as a good thing. Being single at this age and beginning to enjoy all this experimenting of cosmetics, clothings and stuffs, it's rather liberating. It's the discovery that's always interesting... the proud to be me posting somewhat explains how I am feeling at this stage of my life. At least I don't look like someone who has already been jaded from the transformation phase... There's always something new that I can whip out. And of course, the comforting thought that there is still room for me to improve whereas for peers who have been married or have kids, or were rushing to "maturise" themselves before me, there is limited room for self-indulgence.

And I am enjoying every bit of this. Meanwhile, the late bloomer shall continue to blossom... basking in the shining path of transformation.

Some *Brring! Brrring!* thoughts

shucks.. this stupid spell check feature trashed away my previous entry.. now I gotta do it all over again..

In essence...

Saw 5566 on a promo trailer for Project Band (something I ripped off Project Superstar). I think they look like hobbits, ya know, Frodo and gang... Mr Peter Jackson would turn up his grave and jump in if they were ever used for a chinese version of LOTR.

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TV was showing a current affairs feature on loan shark. They leave their marks on the doors of homeowners who acquired flats of previous owners who loan from these sharks. I remembered one of the loan sharks who used to come to my house was actually a brother-in-law of one of my colleague, years ago. I was dumb-founded when I saw him at one of the family day of the office then, but I think he can't remember me. Of course I kept quiet when I saw him. Hmm.. if I were to tell her who he is.. what would be the outcome I wonder... But I guess I'll never know.

Anyway. Going to watch America's Next Top Model liao..

马好被人骑，人好被人欺

A picture speaks a thousand words

I took up the role of a temporary photographer at youth camp today, as there was only one photographer and it so happened I just bought my new 256MB xD card... I thought I'd just use it.. hehehe....

The first game was at the football field. As I was walking towards the field and taking photos, a thought came to me and I thought it's a great revelation.

In events like these, we normally take photos, right? So whenever you were laughing, frowning, running like mad or just talking, it's capture on film, on in modern age, memory cards.

So our facial expressions on camera reflects on how much effort we put in at that moment. The eyes give it away most of the time.

- Someone who has his mind on the game will have his eyes intently focused on the task. His body language tells you that he is putting 100% of his ability to do the task. Just look at snapshots of sportsmen or sportswomen and you'll understand.

- Someone who does not want to dirty himself/herself in the game will glare at the task, with only half of his/her body leaning towards the task, and the other half not willing to move.

- Someone who couldn't care less probably will look at the task from the corner of their eye, their body not facing the activity.

Therefore, I conclude, that truly, our behaviour and reactions to things certainly tell other people about us, even to those who do not know us.

I wonder, then.... If I were to review my life in still image photography, how would I score? Which area was I the most focused, and when was I nonchalent... And if it does get caught on photo, would I be proud to show it off to others?

. . .

Tomorrow's return to work day... the last working week of 2005!

Christmas time, Mistletoe and Wine...

I dare not look at the receipts I have kept in order to tabulate how much I've spent on Christmas gifts. Thing is, I just have this weakness to buy gifts to give others. The first on my list are always people who have touched my life in one way or another in that year. Christmas time is a time that Joyce does something to show her appreciation to the people who have encouraged her, scolded her, listened to her etc.

I have told myself not to buy useless gifts to give others. If someone so chin chai like me would cringe at a ceramic cheapo statue or decoration, I don't think anybody else would appreciate it either. Hence, my objective was to look for gifts that are practical. And those things cost $$$!!!

Thank God this year I have some money from the bonus to supplement this crazy practice. To me, as Christians, if we do not celebrate Christmas by giving gifts and showing appreciation to those people who have helped us, how would the non-believing people see us. That Christmas time is just a time to get to go to church and and try to get them coverted (again)?

Anyhow, I think this year I bleed most profusely in the pocket. But at least I did not have to resort to too last minute shopping, although I still did it a day before the eve.

At the end of the day, I figured, I am at the losing end, cos I received more than I give. Which is very Joyce really... I go by the proverb (correct huh?!) "It is more blessed to give than to receive". Even if I were to bleed, I hope the gifts were practical and is useful to the receipient. Today, I saw 2 of my presents being worn by the receipients already. Now that is an affirmation that I did the right thing :)

Also, I have been thinking... God, if you could hear me out on the issue of the future Significant Other... Please provide me with a man who is generous in giving too. Not necessary monetarily, but out of his love for others. I would have a very hard time being with someone who is stingy in giving out, and protects himself... Or someone who waits until he is "ready" then he give... There will be friction and strain in relationship and stuffs.. You get the point :P Oh, I don't mean someone who gives away money anyhow and freely... But someone who gives because he knows that the true meaning of giving lies in the fact that we have been provided by you, and we should share it with others.

Other than the giving, this Christmas has been exceptionally good... I gave gifts that I thought were good... I get invited to Christmas lunches, I spend time with people who otherwise may have to spend a quiet Christmas... I brought my nieces to Orchard Road...

And I finally get to watch the movie I've been waiting for for along time. Seeing Mr Tumnus and Aslan and Mr and Mrs Beaver being fleshed out on the movie screen just gave me a cringing satisifaction. I was just sitting down there, being very moved by what I see. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe has come alive, and what I've read is now right before me. AWESOME!!!!

I'll write more about the movie again.. Tired liao...

Beauty and the Beast

I am tired already... Need to go wrap somemore presents after this..

Peter Jackson:
Like I said earlier after watching LOTR, Mr Peter Jackson is my hero. A visionary who is able to convince his working partners to share his vision and weaves it to reality. LOTR took 5 years to complete, God knows how many people have sticked through with him through the whole project, but I know they must be very proud now, cos the fruit of the labour is unmeasurable. And Mr Jackson definitely has the drawing power to keep his team together.

Beauty & The Beast:
King Kong was not your typical human being. However, he, like us humans, gets his fair share of loneliness and needs a companion. Even though he is powerful and strong. Ann Darron was his companion dream come true.
Being a beast, he displays the most desirable traits of a faithful friend. He protects, he loves and he gives her the attention, even at the risk of his own life and safety. Now, that is a dream man.

And you wonder why beautiful girls are often seen with some man who is bald, or short, or paunchy. Well, these men respect the girls, and treats them preciously and treasues them as a woman or lady, maybe sometimes pampers them like little girls. Girls like to be girl, woman and lady at different timing. If you understand are able to grasp that, then you would have won alot of ladies' hearts.

Singapore men are still FAR from owning these virtues.

Jack Black:
This guy is the next Tom Hanks to watch out. Mark my words.

Naomi Watts:
She looks like Nicole Kidman!!

The movie:
I give it 4 1/2 stars, the ending was too abrupt though. I know people have hard time reconcile the fact that in the movie, King Kong co-existed with dinosaurs.. but I think all you need is just a little imagination that these creatures may have actually extended their existence on planet earth, since they were deserted on the island. The settings and cinematography was good, albeit a few obvious one that can be spotted by people from the creative line. I can't wait for the DVD to be out.

The other reviews, you can read it off ST newspapers.

Okie.. on to wrapping and sleeping...

New earrings!

Oh, I recalled.

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that our PM was walking side by side with Michael Jackson in a shopping mall. I can't remember what happens before and after that.

Weird isn't it? Consider that neither one of them came to my mind for the past one week. What's common between the two?

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I put my money down for a pair of dangly earrings at Raffles Place after work while waiting to watch Youth for Christ perform on the open field. It was a nudge from my colleague, "you gotta try and see" cos she knows I am wary of the damage if my ears is confirm sensitive with the nickel content in earrings. I told her I'll let her see them tomorrow after we parted ways.

It's been a month and 12 days since I've pierced my ears. I've been raring to try out earrings ever since then. Having dutifully follow advices I found from the net for the care of pierce ears, I can't wait to have nice earrings adorn the earlobes.

I thought tonight is a good relaxing night to try the earrings, so I cleaned the new ones and was very excited to have the current ones removed.

Dang. I twisted, I pulled and I hold. It's not coming out at all! I wasn't really panicking, but fed-up. Obviously the stud is not sticking to the ear because I can twist the stud from the front and from the back. It's the stopper that's refusing to leave the stud. The other ear was equally difficult. Mom tried to remove it, wahhh.. she sure is strong. Then she suggests put some oil, I was not sure, cos I dunno if it'll cause infection. But I relented and was glad I did. While laughing at Arnold in Jingle All the Way on channel 5, the stoppers came off finally, after some intense struggles.

I let it rest for a while before excitedly putting on the new earrings.. Love what I see in the mirror, and hiao hiao kept swaying left and right of my head, touching the earrings, holding still and feeling the weight of the earrings on the earlobes. I love it! I love it! :)

Can't wait for tomorrow to come.. Hmm... now what should I wear tomorrow?

Hehehehe.... ;)

Not perfect

I am thankful because I am not perfect, therefore I can understand the imperfections of my fellow human beings, and not take them for granted.

I am thankful that I do not bore the silver spoon, and my life was not all smooth sailing.

I am thankful that things have not been all perfect for me, in that, I can understand the frustrations of those who encounter imperfections.

Mr Darcy and Aragorn

Finally I got to watch "Pride & Prejudice". With 2 single ladies, no less. It's not that bad really... I thought it was a delight to watch, especially the group dancing scenes.. seems to me that the people that time live a rather carefree life, and dancing is quite a thing back then. And a great opportunity to let young men and young ladies to get acquainted, given that they normally live in their own quaters (Read: HOME ) and seldom have contact with each other.

Like the last bit when Elizabeth finally got together with Mr Darcy, and she had a condition that he can only address her as Mrs Darcy when he is extremeley *and many other chim words* happy. No wonder this literary work is such a hit with women nowadays. Elizabeth is every part of the modern woman. We are clever, but sometimes, too clever. And faced with the man that caught our fancies, we still pretend to be distant. Likewise for the man. And the fiery and fiesty and witty sparring of words between Darcy and Elizabeth is rather entertaining I must say.

It's just the thing in both sexes/genders. Why we do that, I guess we have no answer. It's always a constant chasing.

*In a beautiful English accent* Where's my Mr Darcy?

Then come back home, right now LOTR Part 1 is on tv. I see Aragorn talking to Boromir, wearing the Evenstar necklace that Arwen gave him. Now this is one man I know who is not ashamed to wear a ladies accessory with pride.

I have one of those Evenstar too. Was given to me as a birthday gift by a bunch of friends, the leading one knows I love that when we went to the LOTR exhibition and bought it as a gift for me. I have wore it quite a number of times and I think now it's tangle with my other necklaces. I ought to bring it out and polish and put it back to the box to do justice to it, I guess.

And I am still wondering.. Where is my Aragorn, whom I can give this Evenstar to? It's a joke I came up with after people start to question who gave me the necklace. Me, being me, who don't have the habit of deceiving unnecessarily, told them the truth of its origins initially. Then, later, I thought it'd be fun to just use it as a joke to tell people I am still looking for my Aragorn, given my current (and still is) single status.

Arrrrrr-agorn, where r u? Mr Darcy, are you around?

How will YOU remember me?

Finally, the children Christmas musical was presented today.

Aaaaahhhhhh.... relieved. Now I can kick my shoes off and enjoy the rest of the year. It's really something to thank God for. He works through everything and makes everything work. And His hand was on each and every thing.

All glory to him. I can't say enough. Thank you, Jesus.

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There was an email circulated to the leaders of the church that a sister has passed away suddenly. I couldn't register the name, and so I deleted the email away, thinking it was someone I do not know. Boss ask me how did she die, and I was like.. er... I dunno who she is.

For the next 24 hours, I was thinking.. who is she.. And then I have 2 faces in mind. Then today, a lady came to me and ask if I am going to the wake. I told her I do not know who she is. Then she describe this lady to me, then I "Orrhh...."

She was the single lady, rather senior, and was often the one who brings a bag of sweets and goodies to give to the younger kids Sunday after Sunday, and enjoy being with the toddlers and carrying them etc. Now I remember. I guess she is known to most parents in church because of her love for the children and always looking out for them.

Now that I recall, I shudder at the thought. I might end up like her. Single, enjoys being with kids, have none because not married, and end up dying alone, at a not so old age, but still senior age. But of course, there will be more people who knows me then (provided if I don't leave the church).

How will I be remembered? How will other people remember me. Haha.. Fortunately, my brother and sister are in the same church, so at least they can inform the bulk of the church people. Smart move to get them to be where I am right.. LOL.

What are the relations between me and the visitors, I ponder. Who will find it worthy to turn up on my funeral? Will they cry? Do they know my favourite hymnal to play? Besides my family, will there be tears of regret that they have not known me better when I am alive?

How will I be remembered? Hmmm...... Hahahaha.....

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Yesterday after the rehearsal, I was a little bit turned off at how things are thrown at me at the very last minute. Somehow, I think, people start to think that Joyce works on Voice Activation. Whenever they want something done, they just talk. And Joyce will make things happen at will. THEIR WILL.

And as I walked home, I had this thought. I should print a T-Shirt that shouts boldly "NOT VOICE ACTIVATED". Or maybe "Do not work at a touch of a button". And wear it to church to prove my point.

Somehow, I think I have been seen as a machine instead of a human being. Expectancy on me to create things at will seemed to be a very normal practice. They've forgotten that I am a human being too. It's partially my fault. I am just too ready and willing to offer my help so much so people thinks nothing is impossible. Not with God, not with Joyce either.

Next year, I will get in touch with my humanity. I will not help in all/any of this publicity things anymore. I have to let them see the void. I don't want them to NEED ME, for no one is indispensible. I hope they will see this void as an acknowledgement of how much they have taken me for granted.

Ok. Set.

Surreal Unreal

I've been to a few of the so-called popular local blogs recently.

Most of the time, these blogs documents the lives of the owner. In a very commercial way. As in... when you read their blogs, it's like watching a tv variety show... things look bright and shiny, beautiful, glamourous, sophisticated...

To the point of perfection. Unreal. Not so much of surreal. It's the kind of things people wish they could be, the kinda things people like to see, the perfect, shiny fantasies.

Then you look at blogs like mine. We wonder what the world has become, questions social issues and our own contradictions. We lament, we thew in the towel at certain times. We feel happy when a friend is cheered up. And not forgetting the times when we fall into the deep valleys of grief, depression and sadness.

It's something like movie-watching. Commercial movies appeal to the mass, plainly because, they project the better, the perfect, the worry-free, problem-free life that everyone fantasizes about but will never have. People like to watch them cos it probably provide a relief from the harsh reality of their lives.

Then there are arthouse movies and the few biopics that goes all out to show you that life is not perfect. The masses avoid them because they do not need reminders of their own pathetic and sad life. To them, life is suppose to be shiny and perfect. To the sad parts, they cast their eyes away.
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I like to indulge myself in an arthouse or biopic movie or two sometimes. Love them cos they are lives about real people, things real people do. It's just me, I guess. Sometimes I seek solace in living out the stories of others, walking through them and tasting the pain. Sometimes, these are short-cuts to real life encounters that later happened in my life. And having walk through them in the movies, I guess I have a better way of handling them compared to others. At times, it helped me to understand pains that I may never be able, or have the opportunity, to understand.

Why this sudden chim talk?

Well, I just feel that I am living in a territory where it's inhibitants are indifferent to the essence of real life living. Nothing wrong, it's just well.. an observation.

Proud to be me

Ahhh... I am at smiles again.

When colleague and I were about to deliver the sweets, we stop by the security centre to check something. Then a group of guys came along, pushing their computers and what-have-yous to the other lift to the car park.

One of them (I can only remember him in a yellow T, bald, glasses and dark-skinned, tall and lanky) saw the "Quality Street" label on the box and said loudly "Hey Quality Street! Quality Street! Nice sweets!" and while rolling the trolley, gave me a look that is to me like I-am-trying-to-get-your-attention look. As he push along, he kept looking back and shouting Quality Street, even when he was reaching the end where I cannot see him, he poke his head back to where I was and shouted Quality Street again.

I take it as he is trying to get my attention. I mean, no guy would be as excited over Quality Street sweets as what he did, right? And it's a nice feeling :) To be noticed ;) He left me smiling. But too bad, he is moving out of the building.

Then later, I was showing my IC photo to colleague. I realised that my physical appearance has transformed tremendously (for the better) since then, when the picture was taken. I mean, honestly, how many of you are proud to show and compare your looks then and your looks now? Instantly, pride tide me over.

Just proud to be me now :)

Forgetful Fumblebee

Couldn't have been more unlucky.

This morning after the normal wake-up routin, went to the kitchen to check out if there's any food for breakfast. On the table got 2 packets of those fried bee hoon kinda stuffs. Not interested. Saw a pot on the gas cooker/stove/whatever. Curiously lifted the makeshift cover, a metal plate, to see what is inside.

The steam that has been held in the pot quickly rushes out and scalded the upper skin of my thumb and some parts of the hand.

"Wah lau eh!" I yelled, and dropped the cover promptly. I wonder how could the pot keep the steam and heat in the pot. Bend down and see. "Wah lau eh!" the cooker was turned at a very very low fire, hardly visible unless u look closely.

It's either mom or dad who left the stove on and left the house. I have a feeling it is most probably my father. Goodness! I can't imagine being burnt alive if the gravy in the pot is burnt and burnt the pot and burnt the stove and......

Tonight must make a public announcement and scolding. They are getting old and forgetfulness seemed to be a more prominent habit nowadays. Even if they deny it.

I dread the day that I have to employ a maid to look after them. It seemed to be an eventual decision in the future.

Sighz.

Then today, for the first time, I walked nearer to the malay family selling curry puffs and mee siam outside the MRT station and went ahead to bought one flavour of curry potato and sardine. Happily, I paid for the purchase and went into the station. Wanted to sms colleague to let her know that we can shared the curry puffs.

Dang, I left my handphone at home. No, wait. Did I throw in the rubbish chute with the trash I threw? Did I left it at home?

So who's forgetful?

Hey, I am a product of the manufacturer what! Anyway, not going anywhere tonight, reckon there will not be alot of calls or smses to me anyway.

......

Well, at least the curry puffs was not too bad, though not fantastic either.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Dear Blog,

It's a nice way to start the beginning of the end of year.

Last Saturday, someone gave a public acknowledgement of thanks to me for making the "connection" for him and his bride, in church! Haha! Naturally, it came as a surprise, nevertheless, a pleasant one :) Good thing I was dressed up for the occasion, haha! I vaguely remembered how I made the connection... It was a mention of a name, a simple introduction... and some help along the way.

And the rest, as SDU puts it, is up to them :) Nice to know that they are the fruition of my unknowing friend-friend introduction. After the service, and during dinner the same night, I became a 大红人. People were calling me, "Matchmaker" and "媒人". There were calls for me to start a matchmaking ministry and the like.. which I was like.. Er.. ok... I know you are all joking... RIGHT?

Fortunately, the comment didn't carry too far the next day. There was only a lady who looked back to me before service and mouthed to me "媒人". Wittingly, I told her "Nah, 美人！" and sheepishly smiled. She said, "媒人 and 美人!"

Hahaha... But seriously, I don't intend to make myself a ministry out of that. I prefer to do it underground. That way, pressure is not on me, neither is it on anyone.

Then, today, I hear a most wonderful news I haven't hear in years. The company would like to reward us with a month's bonus. Of course mine's pro-rate lah.. But still it's good news. My colleague was telling me, must be who brought them good luck. Haha.. Nah... I think God bless those he love and those near them.

The director of the Christmas Shoes and another thanked me yesterday for the card. Then my boss commented that the card I did for Christmas Shoes looks good, so does the Mouse Christmas one. Relieved! I've been looking at them for weeks and I really don't see anything special about them. To have someone from the profession commented that they look good. At least that brings comfort.

It was a difficult year. But thank God, it ended with a fine note. Now I can happily get presents to thank those who have helped along the way.

Then, there's the company dinner at Brewerkz next week, christmas at boss's house, holiday in January, translation course starting the following week, chalet on the 3rd week...

Boy, isn't it a Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

:)

Sio Jia Kia Bii ( 小姐靠边站 )

Today, I approached someoneone who has been in church for a *GREAT* number of years to help me do powerpoint for the children's christmas musical. Caught her while she was taking the lift up for 2nd service.

"No!" Came the answer. "It's very easy, I've done powerpoint such that you only need to click!"

"No! I don't want to do anything" She smiled, in a c'mon-look-bugger-off kinda way, waving her hands furiously.

"Please!" The same smile came and she disappeared into the lift.

(Fine then, I don't think I should go to the point of begging you!)

Now that I think of it... This person guards her personal life so preciously. She is the one who frequently says she "felt that the Lord is leading her to *substitute this with any ministry you have in mind*", then serves for a year or less and left that ministry. It happened over and over again, children, youth, last I heard from her she felt "called to be a cell group leader"

*sniggers*

How can someone who guard her personal life and time so preciously, who even loathes a last minute request to buy paper plates, who feels more than she does... be a CELL GROUP LEADER!

Horrors. No, HORRORS! She who cares only about herself and protect herself such that she does not 吃亏, how will she have the capability to care for others? I doubt she would go the extra mile for her sheep cos if it inconvenience her, makes her tired, is extra work, chances are, she will not do it.

I have also been thinking... she is probably guarding herself from being hurt because she is still single. I match her age and her single status.

I know I never want to be someone like her. She is the kind of senior single lady that I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME. Senior, notice.... not mature. At her age, she should have more maturity and the ability to care for others, to give more (in my opinion that is). But she is doing the reverse.

She is still the centre of her own universe.

Thank the GOOD Lord, I've found someone who is more gentle in spirit to help me. She should be the same age as the above-mentioned. This lady shudders at the thought of powerpoint, most of them at that age do. But thankfully, she and those kind people around the age I met, are open to the idea and avails herself. She was a life-saver in the AV room. Though fearful of the machine, she manages to figure out the sequence, cos of course, I have prepare everything nicely liao mah.. hehehehe..

Compared to that sio jia... This lady is always at smiles, and we even joked about her husband on stage. So easy to work with. Must get her a little something for Christmas.

Anyhow, the Lord saves the day.

As for the above-mentioned... I've drop my points about her swiftly. I will leave her to God to deal with her *unique* self-centredness. Will not waste my time to be bothered by her and her behaviour.

And funnily, I realised today I enjoy worship more than the past months. I'll leave it to God to finish the rest of me.

On to more practice on Wed, Thurs, Fri.... SATURDAY!!! The day of the musical!!! :)

Indignant About The World Outside

** To D W **
Some people are all out to win, given their background and their training. Don't be too bothered by it if your intention is to close the chapter, yet they eagerly begin another to push their way through. Let them finish it, since it really is about them.
More often than not, this reflects the amount of respect they have for other people, be it freedom of speech or conduct. Enough said.

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The girl at the ticket office told me I can only use the free movie vouchers on weekends. I was irritated and had to be firm in my tone, telling her that the vouchers did not specify that we can only use it during weekends. She insisted, politely, that they definitely will inform me at that time of ticket issue that I can't use it on weekends. I shoved her my sister's birthday card and told that it was a gift, and no one has told me about that. It's not fair that your ticket is valid on weekends and it's expiring tomorrow, and tomorrow is a friday!

Giving me a Hell-I-got-a-mean-customer look, she rolled her eyes and took up the walkie talkie to contact her in-charge. I won. *Ding Ding!*

This is one skill I gained from passing the 30 yr old mark. I've become more assertive and know my rights and dares to demand them. In a nice way of course, after which I apologised (for the inconvenience and din I created). But I'm not sure if she cares for it anyway. Anyway, I did my part. If she won't take it, that's her problem.

"Perhaps Love" is a little bit better than Chicken Little (Man, I so want to kick myself for the money spent last weekend for my nieces and sisters and bro in law). They revived a song by 齐秦 in the 90s. Wonderful lyrics:

外面的世界

在很久很久以前
你拥有我
我拥有你
在很久很久以前
你离开我
去远空翱翔

外面的世界很精彩
外面的世界很无奈
当你觉得外面的世界很精彩
(当你觉得外面的世界很无奈)
我会在这里衷心的祝福你
(我还在这里耐心的等着你)

每当夕阳西沉的时候
我总是在这里盼望你
天空中虽然飘着雨
我依然等待你的归期


There's a similar song in the movie, somehow in response to the song above, also quite thought-provoking lyrics....


歌曲：外面
歌手：周迅 专辑：如果·爱 电影原声大

外面的世界很精彩
我出去会不会失败
外面的世界特别慷慨
闯出去我就可以活过来

留在这里我看不到现在
我要出去寻找我的未来
下定了决心改变日子真难捱
吹熄了蜡烛愿望就是离开

外面的世界很精彩
我出去会变得可爱
外面的机会来得很快
我一定找到自己的存在
一离开头也不转不回来
我离开永远都不再回来


Not a bad movie in general. Not too fantastic either... After the movie, we went to eat ramen, because Jacky Chan ate it, Takeshi ate it too... Fortunately, the Chinese ramen stall at Cuppage S-11 serves up decent ramen, a nice way to complete the day.

(Thank you D W: Yes, it is Jacky Cheung, not Jacky Chan... I always mix the two up... both have the same trademark nose mah.. ;)

------------------------------

I realised we have more quiet moments with each other now. Sometimes she would quickly fill it up with stories in her office, as for me... I think I was letting my eyes roving around instead of on her when she talk.

Am I always the real problem to any friendship? Should I stop blaming others for my own wrong doing?

------------------------------

Tomorrow's Friday!! Finally, can wake up late on Saturday. But then again, I always wake up at 9.30am max. Well, better than nothing.

. ..* . Bibbidy-Bobbidi-Boo!! .* . .

I've got a message in my Myspace. And it's from Cinderella. Excitedly surprised, I hurried to the website to login and see what Fairy Godmother got for me. Don't tell me the * . Bibbidy-Bobbidi-Boo!! .* I've been chanting and running on my Messenger for the past 2 weeks actually works?!

The page loaded up her image first.. she look like an asian neighbour in her late 30s. What does she have for me, I wonder. After reading her message, I gotta admit, I was humoured.

The message was actually a pimp proposal. Albeit done in a discreet manner. All the way from America.

I am kinda flattered, in some way, fact that somebody wants to pimp me off. Ahahahaa... At least I got noticed.

But really, I'd definitely not reply to her and her "friend", who somehow has no ability to register a Myspace account and has to rely on her to pass the message to me. He would score better if he write to me personally. I might have fall for the honey trap.

Alas, Fairy Godmother was just joking.

People-watching on the trains has become a daily event for me. It has also become an event for me that I travel at around the same timing, at the same train door etc etc....

Today, I saw Ms Joker. She was at the same seat as she was the last time I saw her. No fiddling of phones today, but she certainly got a pretty dress today. It's green with embroidery, you know, that indian-indian, ethnic kind. And over it she put on a black cardigan. Which is not wrong theorectically speaking, cos the weather seemed to be turning cold.

(I was contemplating whether should I don one of the new jackets I bought last friday, but then I thought, no meeting today, gotta do delivery, so abandon the idea.)

And then there is a new person to watch.

Ms I-Love-Indian-Music-and-I-am-BLASTING-it-through-the-earphones-I-bought-from-Mustafa Centre-so-you-can-share-my-joy-too.

Saw her yesterday, and today. I reckon she would be another character to watch too. I can't help but concoct my imagery of her background... From her dressing, she seems to be working as a recep, or a data entry clerk, or maybe other clerical duties. And she is a decent girl with decent household, maybe a lower income group family.

Then, there is another tall girl I saw. Even taller than me, I guess, but I think she wore a bit of heels. 'Cos I only caught a glimpse of her when I board the train, and she sat down at the 2nd stop. Very elegantly dressed. Nice.

I want to dress like that too! But... my nature of job doesn't give me much opportunity to do so. (Who in their right mind does delivery in a black dress and black shawl and on heels, with her hair in a bun?!)

Not that I mind. You need to have a decently big pay packet to be able to dress like to work everyday. But some people just love to dress like that, even though that means it takes away 70% of their intake away. Can't blame them, sometimes their job requires them to look good, without a look-good paycheck. What to do.

Up the escalator, I saw the same back of a lady I saw yesterday. Yesterday she was in this elaborate green dress, today she's in green spaghetti. Hmmm.... noticed she loved to show off her back. This is the dunno-what time I see her back as I walk up the stairs of the station.

I got a lot of things to write huh.. just one morning already like write essay. Actually got another topic. But it has slipped my mind. Will write when it comes back.

La Dee Daaahhh

What if one fine day, the government decides that piracy of any kind, music, movies, softwares will sentence one to the death penalty?

Would you still buy them? I am sure it will eradicate all forms of piracy.

But of course, no government would do that (please tell me if any government does). It's too extreme a case to sentence death to someone who does that.

It's just too silly.

------------------------------

Was really tired when I got home after the chilldren's musical rehearsal. So tired, I told mom not to talk to me, cos I am tired.

Now this is serious. I am drained physically now.

------------------------------

One of the songs in the musical kept ringing in my mind. And I know why.

HEAR THE SONG
A MOUSE CHRISTMAS WEBSITE


TELL ME WHY

Where are You and why am I,
here beneath cold midnight skies?
I have searched throughout the town,
there's no shelter to be found.

I have always told my friends
how You'll save me in the end.
I've responsibilities.
Please don't let my family freeze.

And if You call me, I will come.
if You need me, I will run.
Oh I will serve You 'till die,
all I ask Lord, is tell me why?
Tell me why?

I don't really understand
why You trouble just this man.
I don't want to seem a pest,
but my family needs a rest.

Now I'm just hangin' by a thread,
for I've been searchin' for a bed.
Tho' my feet follow me like lead,
I will trust you 'til I'm dead.

Joseph was asking the same question I have been asking lately. When you are put through difficult times and you know God allows that to happen... being a Christian... it's just very trying, ya know what I mean?

VERY trying.

Monday, Monday....

Realised my English really sucks big time. The original text below is kept, however I need to add some explanation in case I get misunderstood.

She looked very familiar.

The minute I board the train, I notice this lady with an unique feature. Glanced at her a few times as she fiddles with her handphone. "Guess even this woman is married, the least, have a boyfriend." There goes my lamentation again.

UP: I notice a lady with an unique feature. OR I notice this lady has got an unique feature on her face.


The train reaches Raffles Place. Then I remembered that familiar face.

It resembles The Joker in one of those Batman movies.

----------------------------------------------

OK. That was a mean joke.

Anyways, felt a compelling urge to re-visit my old blogs, especially how I started it all. My first blogs was overflooded with how my pursue for true love fell into the deep valleys of death. I was looking for love at the wrong places, literally. There was one part I was stressing, or rather, one stage of my life, I was stressing that I would like to remain friends with those deals that fell through. Unfortunnately, none of the guys felt the same way.

UP: *Unfortunately* is spelt this way.

No wait, one has remained a good friend till now, given that we share the same interests, including his wife. And that interest has been the glue that gel us together.

UP: I don't mean we share the same interests, including interest in his wife in THAT manner. Gosh, I am pretty pathetic when it comes to phrasing....
I really mean we share one common interest, and his wife TOGETHER WITH HIM, are with us together on this interest. And it's something perfectly orthodox.

Anyway, back to the naive pursue for love that is unrequited... I was really childish to have relied on these people to fill in the void. Looking back, their characters were not as desirable as I thought they were then. I was "coaxed" into fantasizing about a relationship with them by the people around me, who seriously have no idea what I want in a man. Thank God they never came about. It's unimaginable.

UP: Thank God their wishes never became a reality. It's unimaginable what I would I be if I end up with those people.

However, it goes to show one thing too. That I am not ready for a relationship then, and I think this is true now as well. Time has taught me to observe and learn what Love between 2 persons really is. I want that kind of love and I have learnt that it takes hard work, and alot of other elements.

UP: ... and alot of other considerations and factors.

I am still nonchalent at times when it comes to people to people relationship and communication. And that is alot of work.

UP: And doing those is alot of work.

Yes, I know, we can't wait until the day when we are perfect to do anything. But I know the reason why I am still where I am now. God knows I am not ready.

Guess I have to wait.

Hopeless in love. Hopeless in English!

Between the young Hans Christian Anderson and Superman, I think I would enjoy the company of the former more than the latter. That's what I derived after watching a story of the young Hans Christian Anderson on Central just now. I literally sat down in front of the tv for 2 hours watching the life of a young Anderson in a German-language tv movie, and reading the subtitles.

It's just so interesting to watch stories of real people then imaginery heroes, even though their lives are more current and colourful. I am just not drawn to those.

Real people living real lives, going through lifes real tests and emerging from it are what interests me. I don't get it myself. It kinda alienates me from people, cos they think I am too arty liao. Too chim. And these shows will bore them.

I am looking for people who knows what I am talking about.. Where are you?

Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days...

I love that show, it's catchy tune especially, that made people jump into an automatic chorus whenever someone says "Monday" or whatever...

What do you look forward to every day, from Monday to Sunday? It came upon me that I do have somethings to look forward to everyday...

------------ MONDAYS ------------
America's Next Top Model Well, the reality series has ended, but it used to be my must do thing every Monday. What I like about the show is blatant honesty with drama. And I have to say, it's one of those shows that I watch and learn my makeup and dressing tips from. And gosh, beautiful people to see!

My Step Aerobics Class Love the steps and the sweat and the pumping of heart. I've been following the instructor for years now... I don't think I am an exercise freak, but it does bothers me if I do not exercise at least once a week. It's just... yucky.



------------ TUESDAYS ------------
Subway Ham Sandwiches $2.90 on Tuesdays!! Woo-hoo!! Cheaper than to eat at food court! :)

CSI Well, it is suppose to be a look-forward item, but I never really do catch it, cos most of the time, it comes on when I am furiously trying to make changes to some chuch design project. At this moment, I have to confess, the enthusiasm has faded. But it really is a great show.

Arrested DevelopmentVery funny show. Pity I always forget to watch. The humour are slapstick dumb, but can be really ticklish. Ridiculous scenarios and even more ridiculous plot and characters. Jin Ho Chio.


Rest I normally do some R&R today cos Sunday and Monday I normally am quite stretched because of church stuffs. Yeah, church stuffs.



------------ WEDNESDAYS ------------
The Amazing Race Same reason as CSI above. What can I say. Haiz.

Jogging I either do this today or tomorrow. Jogging clears my head and gives my heart a good boost so that I can Stay thru workouts on Mondays.

SMSes If anyone would so happen to think of me and ask me out for movies, dinner or drinks today or anytime till weekend.
Usually, I end up jogging in the park.



------------ THURSDAYS ------------
Child of Our Time Already ended it's season 2 weeks ago. Today, it was replaced by a similar documentary done in the 70s. The British accent is SO THICK I couldn't make up what those characters were talking about.
For the uninitiated, Child of Our Time is a BBC documentary that follows the growing process of 12 children since their birth to chart their growth experiences. We have stopped at 2004.

Jogging I either do this today or yesterday. Jogging clears my head and gives my heart a good boost so that I can Stay thru workouts on Mondays. I prefer to do today cos my legs usually ache on Tuesdays and Wednesdays after Monday's aerobics class.

SMSes If anyone would so happen to think of me and ask me out for movies, dinner or drinks today or anytime till weekend.
Outcome is that I jog in the park or chill at home.



------------ FRIDAYS ------------
6pm Enuff said.

SMSes If anyone would so happen to think of me and ask me out for movies, dinner or drinks after 6pm. It seldom happen now, 'cos, well... I think other people have more important people to spend time with their Fridays with. So there.

Rest Just chilling at home would be good too.



------------ SATURDAYS ------------
Nieces Love to be with these darlings. Proud to say they enjoy my company too and listens to me. Children are so lovable to be with. Their love is uninhibited, no limit and no restrain. Love is so easily reciprocated with a child. You give time to them, and they will give their time to you. I love the attention they give to me, just as much as they enjoy me paying attention to what they do and say.

Family Outing If any... Be it shopping, or dinner. Seeing parents happy that nieces are with us, and that we enjoy each other's company as a family should.



------------ Sunday ------------
Fellowship with church members It normally ends after lunch at the nearby hawker centre. Then everyone is off to do their own thing...
Heck, I don't even call that fellowship anymore. It's just lunch.

Things to do after church service Movies, shopping, lar kopi.. whatever.
Zilch.

Rest If there's nothing or no one to spend time with, might as well go home and chill.

DVD Watching Escaping into the world of make-believe provides temporary relief to a lonely mind. At least... the actors know that I am watching them.

Cellgroup A time for me to be with people and relax in a group setting. Cell group time has improved tremendously this year. Thank God. Lovely people in the group.

The Apprentice Season 3 Love the show, but the season has ended. Especially when it enables me to see what is involved in the production of a campaign or a marketing strategy for all sorts of businesses. And the kind of behaviour people will have when put to work in a team and with a deadline. Helps me to understand adults behaviour, especially at work and church. Very helpful when dealing with difficult people and projects.




I guess this breakdown kinda diagnoses me as a super pathetic lonely human who is trying her best to live her life to the fullest by keeping her health with exercise, and sanity by watching tv programmes. Oh, of course apply what she has learnt so that she will not lose out to the general public. Very often, she ended up being regarded as a streetsmart, or a know-all.

Which she couldn't quite understand why, 'cos these smartness has not helped in her journey as a still single-who-needs-friends-too.

*scratches her head and heads offline* ......