I am feeling it day by day.. My sister is always giving me orders of what to do for her. Argh. She always give orders to me to lock the door, pass her the keys, clean up the room, etc etc.. Why can't she be more polite about it? What is so difficult to ask in a humble manner, instead of requiring absolute following of instructions? Seems to me she likes to portray herself as someone of the management level, even at home, and give orders to people and expect them to follow her instructions. Argh.

Better get married off fast.

Today I am 30 years and two days old...

I have thought about alot of things today. Now that I am 30 yrs old.. It is time that i wake up my ideas. There are alot of things I want to do from now onwards..

Dressing. Ideas. Confidence. Career. Time.

Dressing<--
I want to ditch all my old clothings and wear less jeans liao.. I am sick of jeans. argh. They are just clothings invented to hide big tummies like mine. haha.. I wanna find alternatives to jeans.. but I dunno what are the better alternatives.. Skirts.. but what kinda skirts.. other kinds of pants.. hmm.. I will lookout for them in Bangkok.
But seriously, its time I do another change of my image.. gotta look like a 30yr old. A mature, sensible, desirable 30 year old WOMANnnnnnn!!

Career<--
I want to get away from my reliance on Caraven working.. I think I am indeed to dependent on it to give me financial security that I have forgotten my real job and career. Day in and day out.. I go to the centre to work.. for a permanent supply of money to survive. But somehow, I know for sure the money is nowhere near to sustain me for long. It has been too permanent a temporary solution. Somehow, my focus has shifted on using Caraven as a temporary stall to a permanent reliance.
I have lost time tremendously. And gaining less ground on my career. I don't wanna work in Caraven forever!!! I want to have a decent career in design and marketing. I want to do things great and do great things!
So.... when I come back from my Bangkok trip, I will cut down my working hrs with Caraven and really strive to work hard for my career. I want to be the best Marketing and Design Person that I can ever be!

Confidence<--
Spoken to Marcus about this lack of confidence of myself.. He remarked that I had this lack of self-believe. He had suggested that it is something to do with the mind, and I told him I know that that is the root of the problem. But I am looking for motivation to move me up the notch. In fact, I know the other contributing factor is my upbringing and growing up. That of course is in the past and should not be responsible for my future.
I oughta take bold steps to up my confidence... and like what Marcus said.. there will be ppl out there who are much better than me, but heck care lor.. Just put up my best.. This is vital for me if I want to cut a career for myself..
Cut the procrastination and start living. I cannot put off things anymore.. I will end up nowhere if I dun live up and get into the rat race.

I want to be out there and oust the big boys! Here I come!!