~ Ray Charles ~

Went to watch "Ray" today. Another amazing biography of a famous personality in american history. I like biographies, I learnt from them, I see how lives can turn for better or worse when choices are made. I like it when I can see the consequences of human's actions without having to go thru there myself. Life can be so full of.. complexities.

The movie speaks alot of how one's family background has some influence and impact to his or her adult life. Ray Charles Robinson lives with his mother who had a dad who did not stay with the family. The strong-willed woman raise Ray and his brother with much integrity and she teaches her son to held his head high at all times. After he witness the drowning of his brother, Ray's world was shattered that he did not do anything to prevent it and it haunted him thru his adult life.

His adult life are met with the good white men and the bad black men who either saw his talent and profit on him, or expanded it to commerical viability. His hard-headedness to try drugs just to prove himself ( i know deep down he wants to) that he is as normal as any other person was kinda foolish. His involvement with several women was also foolish.

He knows that God is real, yet... it could have done better. He must have had a certain degree of hatred to God for his life, yet, in some ways, I believe he still has his heart with God.

One thing hit me hard. Even when we are christians, we are not protected from the influence around us. We can fall. In Ray's case, he knows God, yet, he does not have the right knowledge to how God whats him to live his life, and so the involvement with drugs and all.

The accusation on him for creating demon music was not unfounded. People were protecting the gospel songs that were spiritual and were annoyed that he broke their high regards of the spiritual essence of it. Yet, I think, and still does think, there is nothing wrong with his adaptation of gospel music to commerical form. Ultimately, God is looking at the hearts of the listeners. If it leads to people enjoy music that praises God, why not? If it portrays God at his part, I do not think it is anything wrong.

Anyway, back to the music...

Ray has been living with regrets and anger. He somehow hits back and rebels on God with his behaviour, he just want to tell God that God lives, but has no control whatsoever with his life.

I have yet to do a research on his life. But I think he has made an impact in the musical scene. But spiritually.. he is not a winner. His family life in his early career was a mess.

Oh yes, the drug rehab he gets was a good one. I think it really help to push the idea of the seriousness of drug abuse. It gets thru the message in a subtle way, reflecting how the abuse affected his life, his music, his family... It's a shame that certain good songs were written under the influence of drugs.. When drugs tirs the sensual part of Ray, he puts them into song.. and they turn into hits. Haiz.

Overall, I think Jamie Foxx did a fantastic job. He was Ray to the core. This movie is an excellent biography. I give it 4 stars.

I am beginning to be into this brooch-pinning thingy.

Ever since I was given a FREE! Children Cancer Foundation last week (on my way to the new office). It was a gold ribbon-shaped brooch and looked good on my green top. Actually, I felt guity after wearing it.. I am no campaigner of CCF and I don't donate money.. Actually I wore that pin out of vanity :P

Well, today, I wore a red top and put aRoad Runner pin on the right of the the t-shirt. Sometimes, it looks odd, sometimes, it looks ok. Well, nobody commented that it look weird, so I guess it should be alright.

In fact, I have alot alot of pins. I like to collect little pins here and there, just that sometimes they are too expensive for my liking. But it's been a while since I bought them.. Mebbe I might start to collect them again. Along with my sticker collection. Haha..

-- Argh...

So many things to do this week.. Gotta prepare lessons for Young Timothy (I missed my turn last Sunday, I thought my turn was in March). Close SM job.... Close QBC website.

And now I have got my menses and nursing a minor cough-cold. Which means I cannot eat anything LIANG to counter the heatiness in my body. Oh bother! And the stinking haze is back at this time of the night... argh...

The weather is a KILLER! Argh... so warm!! Makes one wants to do nothing at all!

Was listening to CREED's "What If" on my way home.. Was trying to diagnose why rock songs have such a draw on people... I concluded the following (but not exhaustive...)...

1) Rock songs makes full use of the musical instruments and maximise their use. Each beat of the drum, strumming of guitar, plucking of the bass... including the lead singer's yelling... Everything is loud.

2) The rhythmn and melody (if you consider it is) on rock songs are head-banging, toe-tapping. Somehow, the relation to it to a human's emotion is relative. We somehow have a need to shout it out loud, express our longing for freedom and liberty. It's a release for an individual when the loud singing brings out the angst in us.

3) It reflects the state the listener is in. He/she is determine that something needs to be done, hence, the forceful singing and music is a way of expressing that desire. Personal, social issues will come to mind, and the music somehow coarce us to believe by nodding our heads to the rhythm, we are doing something to acknowlege that cause.

Basically rock songs does what most music does to us; it stirs up our emotions, but in a manner that is more loud.

-- argh.. Friday... ----

It's Weird. Why does my blogger translates the interface itself? How did it happen? How can I revert it back? Not that it really matters really.. but it is really irritating that things change without me knowing it. Without my permission.

2 thoughts for today

1) Major points learned from the book "The Purpose Driven Life"
Wow. God wants _ALL_ of me. Not half of me, not partial, not lukewarmness, not leftovers.
I mean I do know about it, on and off, when it's preached on Sundays and prayer meetings... but today the point seemed to be jumped out of the book. "But God, surely you know we can't give you 100% everyday, right? RIGHT?" The fleshy part of me protests.

In my heart, I want to enjoy what this world offers... things not spiritual, not related to God, but I enjoy them cos I like to do them. I am just not willing... plainly put.

I am still wrestling this truth. I have not reached that point where I willingly surrender my entire self and give myself to God and let him work everything in my life. Sure, when it comes to tough decisions, it's easy to ask God for help. But when it comes to lifestyle, habits, nature... I think I have not done enough. I am just such a control-phobe. I want to have some say... which I think God is shaking his head right this minute. =)

Ah.. I think one of the most precious things learnt from the book is to be honest to God, albeit the good feelings and the dark ones.. Isn't it wonderful to know that any point in time, we can be so blatantly honest with God and He understands?

I heard of this sometime back, dunno was it from a preaching or from a book. I thought that is one of the most wonderful truths about being a child of God. I can lament and complain to him when I feel that things are unfairly due to me. I can just talk it out, empty my dissatisfaction about what has been done to my life to Him. And the result is.. I get to reflect of what I wrote and grew bit by bit. I learnt to understand God has his purpose for everything (it has always been for the good of his people; sometimes for my personal edification, sometimes, for the good of others), and it has allow me to be thankful that I am still in God's love and embrace, and that he is keeping a watch over me, constantly.

Hmm... that total worship part... I still need to work on it... God, help!

2) The attraction to secular books in comparison to Christian Books.

At the same time, I am constantly reading magazines I had borrowed from the library (great past times in boring old caraven when the day is still young). Initially, I loan the fashion magazines cos I thought since I like to pore over glossy pages of fashion and pictures, that would be the best choice. But I soon realised the magazines are not entirely food for the soul.

Sure, it's brings much excitment to see a nice bag or a celebrity wearing pretty gowns to some charity event, but I really does not benefits from it. I pick up some beauty and fashion tips from quotes by designers or makeup artists, but those are really simple one- or two-liners. The amount of literary content in the magazine is as much as the 5% of the magazine.

Hence, I divert to more interesting magazines on world issues. Recently came across the Management Today magazine. I marvel at the content written, as it has top leaders of big corporations spouting off some thought-provoking insights to the management world. It also help me to see how the big CEOs or COOs or CFOs or whatever Os manage their company in various aspects. It also offer some tips to new managers and stuff.. Really a good read. I do enjoy learning from industry "QIAN BEI" of how they run their companies and how they cope with crisis in an ever-changing world.

However, before I left for home, a thought came to me. Why is my interest in these secular literature instead of spiritual ones? I pondered the thought as I travel back home. The conclusion is that I am a practical person and Christian literature tends to do alot of talk and little action :P However, its a good thing I am reading "TPDL" at the same time. So it kinda taught me that spiritual books can be practical too.

Anyway, the major, unspoken factor is: I am just too lazy. Period. =P

Oh, I think I read those books also cos I can relate the contents to other people. They are helpful conversation starters and enables me to understand certain ways people do it. With Chistian Literatures, it is hard to use those theological terms to talk to people. People will go like, "Huh?". Hmm.. but I think "TPDL" does change things a little.

I am at day 13. I have 27 days more to go.... God, please help me to finish the book and learn your truths. Amen.

argh... noon time in caraven... nothing to eat, nothing to do.. argh argh argh....

Andrew handed me the picture taken at our table on his wedding night.. Goodness, I look so WHITE! Others look comparatively healthier than me.. I look as pale as a ghost.. The very thing that I hope not to be one! I gotta go sun tan liao.. otherwise, I will become a ghost.. eeeh... I dun wanna be a ghost, i dun wanna be a ghost!

Did the MSN Messenger upgrade changed something in my IE? Why am I seeing Chinese Interface on my blog.. argh. How to change back.. HELP!!

Constantine is such a show that shows the untrue thing about the Christian faith, all thanks to the popularity of Catholism and the glamourised Christian movement in the States I guess. I think the author of the original graphic novel probably had enough of fakish Christian movements and that drew him to put down his perception of God's stand between good and evil. His portrayal of God and devil making a pact, that none of each other's world shall enter the other, is probably concocted from his mis-intepretation from the mis-representation of the Christian faith.

I mean, look. The movie actually says at the end of the day, either the devil wins (courtesy of the son set free by *surprise!* Angel Gabriel)(honestly, the director is trying to tell us that angels are neither guy or gal, but to me, turns out Gabriel has been somehow turned gay), or, the world will be saved by John Constantine, the man who has been thru 2 mins of hell and it seems like eternity (sounds like BoyzIIMen's "On Bended Knees" haha).

Mockery of God's power. Ridiculous. While I do agree that certain sets and scenes probably does mimic what hell is like, I do not think what Constantine does stylishly is enough to put the devil off in real life.

However, I am always forgiving to people who conveys their misconceptions of the Catholic faith to screen. Catholism has been used to dramatise countless Hollywood movies, I think directors must have turn to it when they ran out of storyline and is in need of ideas to bring in the believing and non-believing audience into the theatre. Catholism in the US has been made fun of so many times on screen, I think it is no longer funny. Oh yes, the most ridiculous part was when the sidekick of Constantine puts a old cross into the sewage (?!) and it becomes holy water. Wah biang.. Siao eh. So no cross, no holy water, no way to destroy the half-breeds?

C'mon man. There is no limit to God's power. He created the universe, like.. hello? He owns everything, why should he make a pact with the devil and say who owns what? "Oh yeah, screw the balance." Finally something useful extracted from the movie.

Hmm.. Something to think over and be prepared if people ask.
- There is definitely something going on between God and the devil, if not, how come there is good and bad on earth?
- You tell me God owns everything, so he cause the bad things to happen, cos he owns it?
- Isn't it true that we are the in-betweens (certainly is).
- We are under the influence of bad and good (hey, we all have conscience, right?).
- We can choose good or bad, its our choice. Of course, God owns us and he definitely owns our choices. However, he gave us freedom of choice.
- That show says God and Devil made a pact so none of them can touch me. (How many times must I tell you, that is a movie-movie-Movie! It's not real! God never created you so that he can't touch you.. ie. your heart, your soul, your spirit, your body.)

Better get bible verses to support these.. otherwise I will be just preaching my theology.. *shudders*

Just read from the papers that Nicole Ritchie is going to get married with some DJ fella. And interestingly, the papers wrote that "it is the first marriage for the both of them".

What is wrong with these journalist?Do they automatically assume that all celebrity marriages will hit a 2nd or a 3rd? Well, in a way, I don't think we can actually blame them. These Hollywood characters are famed not just for their acting, but also their erractic private lives. I think they have seen way too much of breaking up that it seemed norm to expect people to have multiple marriages and divorces as long as they are in the show-biz.

Well, personally, I believe Nicole Ritchie is not some ideal wife or homemaker material. Not to say I agree, with the journalists. But she is really not that type. Ok, mebbe the journalists are right afterall.

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It has dawned on me that there is a new lesson to learn in every CNY. Shucks, I forgotten what I have learnt this year... it came to me in the toilet just now. Hmmm.. trying to think hard... Oh yes.
- My cousin's daughters actually can cut and color hair for their mom.
- Bak Gua that are soft are generally filled with more fats than the hard Bak Gua.
- Looking for a guy, must have a meeting of minds.
- I actually have a cousin who is a director with Merrill Lynch! Kewl!
- My nieces are too tall to jump near the corridor, they will probably fall off.

Great.. Not bad at all.. On top of the ang pows, I actually learnt something intangible. Make it "somethingS". Wonderful.

Thank God for the 4 panadols I took, they made me well! First time in history that I suffer tremendous headaches for the entire 1st day of CNY, and it continued till the 2nd day... brgh.
Meimei broke her lip while playing at Yi-ma's house.. cry like mad.. Jiejie tore her cheongsam by dunno-how.. this year CNY has been an easy one.. no leftover food on NYEve, not alot of kuehs to force ourselves on. It's not bad at all. We can clean up the festival food before the 15th day, I bet! hahaha...

Leaking Washing Machine...

Just as I celebrated the invention of blogs, I have more reason to blog today. The washing machine leaks through itself and wet my kitchen floor. Good ol' brother discovered it and yelled at me for solution. And it had to happen when it's my turn to do my laundry.

Anyway, in all things, give thanks. At least the machine was past the washing powder cycle and I only need to rinse the clothes. I don't have to messed with soap suds and stuffs. Good. At least now I have cleared my pile of soiled clothes so that my room looks less messy. At least it didn't leak on a working day or what. In all things, give thanks!

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Singing... "I got the jo-ob! I got the jo-ob! (to the tune of "why r we waiting?") Somehow God's peace prevails tremendously, humongously, incredibly in dire periods. I have let him down by not communicating with him often for the past one year. But he is Faithful. Amen!

This whole process of making a CRUCIAL decision (in the words of agent-Jason) is incredible. I was on a up and down coaster, putting forth what I want, what God wants, what others want on the line and guessing where do I belong.

Surrendering our lives to God is a wrestle. "... but God, I do not want to let it go. I want to have control! TOTAL control!" I am a control-freak. When things go beyond my control, I lose my sense of direction and drift. It came to a point that I cannot control anymore, because I do not know my wayto the final destination. It was difficult for me to imagine people giving it all to God when they testify on thanksgiving nights, prayer nights, etc etc. How to imagine, I don't even go through what they went through.

But this period when I have to ask myself what I want, I was in a daze. God, I don't even know what I want! What a joke, a control freak not knowing what she wants! Never in my life have I been so fearful of being out of control.

Fabulous things happen, when I let go and let God.

Next... Eat Steamboat Reunion Dinner! Should I go to Penny Black later to watch/hear Tabular play? Don't feel like moving out of the house now.. to be continued.....

do you wash your dirty linen in public? soap suds and all?

Was chatting with bell today (yesterday, time now is 2am!)... and she gave me the URL to her blog, from there I explore from blog to blog, mostly YWAV-ers ones. (YWAV-ers, sorry arh, I did read your blogs, I can't remember whose I have read and I can't remember everything that was written)

The general idea I get from the blogs (and I stress again, I do not remember every detail of what was written) is that, lamentations has no age limit. ahaha. You young people are fortunate to have an avenue to lament. My days? Tell my marler she also won't understand.. Write diary? Can't afford (ok, sometimes I can afford, but I spend it on things-I-can't-even-recall).

What's wif the dirty linen then? I am just pondering, as I begin this blog... when do you say what you want to say and when do you NOT say what you want to say? Especially, if your blog is read by people who knows who you know.. get what I mean? Do you tell them what you never tell the other person?

But blogs are public (at least if you choose to show them to the world) entity. Sometimes, out of resent, out of anger, we just want to "publicly" denounce a person, albeit not in front of them or people they know, but to the other "public", the internet audience, who do know know that person at all. We just want the whole world to know that such person/s exists and you really dislike what he or she did. And that we are really pissed.

The difference? I do not know about the others, but I think I felt much better after writing bad blogs about others. The words that became permanent fixtures on the net provide some solace for my angry soul. When I read them days later, I learn about myself and my attitude toward others. Sometimes, re-read them helps me to put my views into the right perspective.

"So silly, angry over that thing, FOR WHAT? Din gain an extra hour for that. Duh."

"ermm... was I too kiddish to have thought that way?"

"oh well, lesson learnt. But Jesus said we should love one another. Well, at least if I can't love in that sense, I can practice more tolerance. Otherwise, what difference do I make from a non-Christian? Shame on you, they love more than you."

of course, these are sometimes. Other times, it's just lamentations. Haiz.. lamentations reminds me of a domain name I "squatted" couple of years back. I had "lemontations.com" for a couple of year before I gave it up. Nobody bought it. Haiz. I din make full use of it. Haiz. Mebbe I should buy it back. It's much better than joyrockmedia.. hmm. Anyone knows how to create a blog program? When I get it, we can all blog together! kewl!

I love to blog. Blogs are fantastic to jot down tots! But I always forgot. There are many moments God spoke, but I left the words unattended in my brain and forgotten all about it. argh.

btw, what is "bleahz"?