It's "Chocolate Time"
... And I am not too excited about it happening.
I just hate it when I am unable to control my emotions days before my period come. I hate it when I feel lousy and sad without any rhyme or reason and flares up. I hate it when I yell and shout at others when the hormones "chemicalised" my temper and melt away the tolerance and self control that I normally have.
I hate it that I hate myself when it's "Chocolate Time". I hate it when I cannot manage my reactions to things happening and start to go lunatic over tiny matters. And to realise that the anger was over nothing in particular. I hate it when this period (no puns intended) is the time I will go back to the past events in my life that never work out. I hate it because the past seems to be laughing at my inability to get away from my weakness, still trapped in my present and weakness.
The crab bee hoon incident yesterday marked the beginning. Then today, I called myself "Stupid" when the fried fish bee hoon I ordered came without the milk (which was not suppose to be). It could be the negligence of the lady at the stall, for she "look angry" according to my colleague. But somehow, a thought just convinced me that I was stupid to be eating something OTHER than what I have been craving for for the past 12 hours. I think my repeatedly cursing myself "stupid" caught my colleague by surprise, because she didn't speak for sometime after I stop.
It wasn't something serious, yet I overreacted in such a manner that is closed to madness. I am guessing that there is a leak in my depression control. That's alarming. I don't want to fall back into depression mode again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hence, the chocolates. I need chocolates during these times of trial. They are the only things that could possibly soothe the raging tempest.
Next to a pair of broad arms I could snuggle in that is. Which is never going to happen.
In the meantime, I'd just let the chocolate do the comforting.
I just hate it when I am unable to control my emotions days before my period come. I hate it when I feel lousy and sad without any rhyme or reason and flares up. I hate it when I yell and shout at others when the hormones "chemicalised" my temper and melt away the tolerance and self control that I normally have.
I hate it that I hate myself when it's "Chocolate Time". I hate it when I cannot manage my reactions to things happening and start to go lunatic over tiny matters. And to realise that the anger was over nothing in particular. I hate it when this period (no puns intended) is the time I will go back to the past events in my life that never work out. I hate it because the past seems to be laughing at my inability to get away from my weakness, still trapped in my present and weakness.
The crab bee hoon incident yesterday marked the beginning. Then today, I called myself "Stupid" when the fried fish bee hoon I ordered came without the milk (which was not suppose to be). It could be the negligence of the lady at the stall, for she "look angry" according to my colleague. But somehow, a thought just convinced me that I was stupid to be eating something OTHER than what I have been craving for for the past 12 hours. I think my repeatedly cursing myself "stupid" caught my colleague by surprise, because she didn't speak for sometime after I stop.
It wasn't something serious, yet I overreacted in such a manner that is closed to madness. I am guessing that there is a leak in my depression control. That's alarming. I don't want to fall back into depression mode again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hence, the chocolates. I need chocolates during these times of trial. They are the only things that could possibly soothe the raging tempest.
Next to a pair of broad arms I could snuggle in that is. Which is never going to happen.
In the meantime, I'd just let the chocolate do the comforting.
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