Was It Because I Was Too Nice?
Because of what happened last night, I cried again last night.
It's funny, because it just happened like that.
First P. and I met up with J. and some friends of V for dinner. Technically, the original arrangement was that I asked P. if she want to hang out. She asked where and somehow, J. got into the picture, and we were asked to join them at the teahouse for some sing song.
Dinner at the porridge place was fine when it first started with just the 3 of us. Then, people we do not know of came to join in one by one. It was getting awkward, so we decided to go off first. Then the night went on, there were some drama in between. By the time we left the place, it was 2 plus. When I reached home, dad was watching tv in the dark, mom called me to her room and told me don't push my luck (of staying late).
After washing up, my mind was still awake, so I put on the soundtrack of "Le Choristes". Just want to make sure the music play well on a player, as some of the tracks skipped in my work Mac. As the choir boys sing, I pull out the necklace I purchased from Perlini's earlier with some office gift exchange Christmas gift vouchers and kinda admire it. "Kinda" cos it took less than a minute, before I put it back into the box again. I was looking for something else to occupy my mind as it was wondering and reflecting what happened earlier.
Then I remembered when some of the songs were sang at the KTV, I was looking at the lyrics and reflecting on it. Some songs sang about someone asking someone how is she getting on after years of her departure, as he still thinks of her and no one can replace her. Some songs about wanting to be an angel in someone's fairytale. Some songs sang about love lost. One of them, I forgotten what song, maybe it's the Jay Chou one, "Coral Sea", caused me to teared.
So my thoughts wondered. Mentally preparing myself for the next day's class, I plug in my mobile to have it charged. It was drained of battery and when it was switched on, Singtel informed me that there were 9 calls made to my phone from "Home". I don't know how to get this thru to them. I am 32 this year and I am single, I can stay out late and keep safe. I am not being "guo fen" by staying out late, once a month. What's the fuss? I'll still do it again.
Turned off the lights. Some songs in the soundtrack stirred up the pent up remains of the unsolved mystery of my encounter last week. I started to sob. And sob. And once again, I cried helplessly at the gushes of thoughts asking why.
I remembered taking a peep at one of the MSN conversations I saved of him before deleting them away. They are sweet words. Really Sweet day to day ordinary conversations lovers would write to one another. But looking at them again brings spates of irony and spite. I quickly deleted all of them away. It's just so sour just reading them.
Why did he drop it without giving reason? Why did he affirm that we go "official" only to abandon the whole thing a week later? Why does a "nice person" like me got treated this way? What did I do wrong? Was I too nice? Why does a man of God does such a thing, if he is a man of God as he sounds he is? Why does he bother to be nice to me?
I guess the emotions got stirred because I've finally told the story to people who do not read my blog. People whom I had wanted to announce excitedly that "I am seeing someone" or "I am bringing a friend along" when the time is right. And the right time didn't come, and I had to tell them of a failed one month relationship instead.
The soundtracks in "Le Choristes" are very good for crying. The voices of the boys are comforting to a depressed heart, and uplifting. Thanks to Eric for putting it in his car. I decided the minute I heard track 2 that this is THE CD I am getting to boost my depressed heart. All other love songs just aren't the right thing for me. Too sad, too lovey.
It's still too early for me to declare that I am over with pining. I guess it will take the same amount of time of building the love in me to wash away the disappointment.
It's funny, because it just happened like that.
First P. and I met up with J. and some friends of V for dinner. Technically, the original arrangement was that I asked P. if she want to hang out. She asked where and somehow, J. got into the picture, and we were asked to join them at the teahouse for some sing song.
Dinner at the porridge place was fine when it first started with just the 3 of us. Then, people we do not know of came to join in one by one. It was getting awkward, so we decided to go off first. Then the night went on, there were some drama in between. By the time we left the place, it was 2 plus. When I reached home, dad was watching tv in the dark, mom called me to her room and told me don't push my luck (of staying late).
After washing up, my mind was still awake, so I put on the soundtrack of "Le Choristes". Just want to make sure the music play well on a player, as some of the tracks skipped in my work Mac. As the choir boys sing, I pull out the necklace I purchased from Perlini's earlier with some office gift exchange Christmas gift vouchers and kinda admire it. "Kinda" cos it took less than a minute, before I put it back into the box again. I was looking for something else to occupy my mind as it was wondering and reflecting what happened earlier.
Then I remembered when some of the songs were sang at the KTV, I was looking at the lyrics and reflecting on it. Some songs sang about someone asking someone how is she getting on after years of her departure, as he still thinks of her and no one can replace her. Some songs about wanting to be an angel in someone's fairytale. Some songs sang about love lost. One of them, I forgotten what song, maybe it's the Jay Chou one, "Coral Sea", caused me to teared.
So my thoughts wondered. Mentally preparing myself for the next day's class, I plug in my mobile to have it charged. It was drained of battery and when it was switched on, Singtel informed me that there were 9 calls made to my phone from "Home". I don't know how to get this thru to them. I am 32 this year and I am single, I can stay out late and keep safe. I am not being "guo fen" by staying out late, once a month. What's the fuss? I'll still do it again.
Turned off the lights. Some songs in the soundtrack stirred up the pent up remains of the unsolved mystery of my encounter last week. I started to sob. And sob. And once again, I cried helplessly at the gushes of thoughts asking why.
I remembered taking a peep at one of the MSN conversations I saved of him before deleting them away. They are sweet words. Really Sweet day to day ordinary conversations lovers would write to one another. But looking at them again brings spates of irony and spite. I quickly deleted all of them away. It's just so sour just reading them.
Why did he drop it without giving reason? Why did he affirm that we go "official" only to abandon the whole thing a week later? Why does a "nice person" like me got treated this way? What did I do wrong? Was I too nice? Why does a man of God does such a thing, if he is a man of God as he sounds he is? Why does he bother to be nice to me?
I guess the emotions got stirred because I've finally told the story to people who do not read my blog. People whom I had wanted to announce excitedly that "I am seeing someone" or "I am bringing a friend along" when the time is right. And the right time didn't come, and I had to tell them of a failed one month relationship instead.
The soundtracks in "Le Choristes" are very good for crying. The voices of the boys are comforting to a depressed heart, and uplifting. Thanks to Eric for putting it in his car. I decided the minute I heard track 2 that this is THE CD I am getting to boost my depressed heart. All other love songs just aren't the right thing for me. Too sad, too lovey.
It's still too early for me to declare that I am over with pining. I guess it will take the same amount of time of building the love in me to wash away the disappointment.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home