Climbing Out Of The Dumpster
Today I deleted his numbers.
Yes, I know. A tiny part of me was still hoping that his heart will change. What to do, that's the kind of foolishness a woman would do for the person she has affections for. Yesterday I kept a small part of me for hoping.
But the hope expired this morning. While taking a cab to church this morning, I took up my mobile and deleted both his mobile number and his home number. I thought I ought to just blanko everything out.
The mobile number is still fresh on my mind. On and off, I will practice lines in my mind. Lines to insult him if he does call.
Yes, I do think that he may call still, at this time. Sheer Stupidity. Sheer Foolishness.
Anyhow, that's that. His face does flash across my mind few times when my mind was not thinking of anything particular at any moment. I will then quickly dismiss the thought, and concentrate on what I was doing.
I remember in one of the scene in a Chinese movie, someone told this girl, that if one day, she unintentionally think of the man (who broke her heart) when she is in the shower (or doing some chore), it means that she has already forgotten about the man.
I think I will have that moment in the future. I am just waiting for the memory to drip dry of it's freshness and dries into an insignificant imprint, then etched into history.
- - - - - - - - -
I still have this thought in my mind.
Many people thinks I belong to them, but have they thought that they belong to me too?
Many people thinks that I can do things for them, but have they done things for me?
If you follow this line of thought, you will know what am I getting at.
Maybe I am really expecting too much from others. Maybe they did offer to help, offer to be with me, just that I am just too proud to say I need company. I need someone to be with me.
- - - - - - - - -
I don't want to be a strong, independent woman. But I have to put on my protective cover because of the experiences I have with people. I have to protect myself, I have to put on the hard as steel cover, because I have been treaded on too many times.
- - - - - - - - -
Today I spent a good time at friend's house, watching the modern version of Ah Wang (you know, the HK serial where this Guo Jing An is a gong dai boy, with Xuan Xuan as his wife?) And then went to watch I Not Stupid 2.
While watching INS2, I was reminded the conversation I had with Abel K. this morning outside the sanctuary during service. I'm just surprised that this boy, who really drove me up the wall when I was teaching him the last 2 years, has no problems discussing the rationales of different commercial movies with me. I am reminded of the kind of ease tweens have when they talk to me about facts of life, and their openess to hear what I have to say about what they think.
Something for me to think about.
Meantime, life goes on. If the cough doesn't get better tmr, I will have to go see Doctor Tan again to get anti-biotics.
At least, I am thankful now I am not helpless on bed and depressed.
" You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul"
- from Helen Reddy "I Am Woman" -
Yes, I know. A tiny part of me was still hoping that his heart will change. What to do, that's the kind of foolishness a woman would do for the person she has affections for. Yesterday I kept a small part of me for hoping.
But the hope expired this morning. While taking a cab to church this morning, I took up my mobile and deleted both his mobile number and his home number. I thought I ought to just blanko everything out.
The mobile number is still fresh on my mind. On and off, I will practice lines in my mind. Lines to insult him if he does call.
Yes, I do think that he may call still, at this time. Sheer Stupidity. Sheer Foolishness.
Anyhow, that's that. His face does flash across my mind few times when my mind was not thinking of anything particular at any moment. I will then quickly dismiss the thought, and concentrate on what I was doing.
I remember in one of the scene in a Chinese movie, someone told this girl, that if one day, she unintentionally think of the man (who broke her heart) when she is in the shower (or doing some chore), it means that she has already forgotten about the man.
I think I will have that moment in the future. I am just waiting for the memory to drip dry of it's freshness and dries into an insignificant imprint, then etched into history.
- - - - - - - - -
I still have this thought in my mind.
Many people thinks I belong to them, but have they thought that they belong to me too?
Many people thinks that I can do things for them, but have they done things for me?
If you follow this line of thought, you will know what am I getting at.
Maybe I am really expecting too much from others. Maybe they did offer to help, offer to be with me, just that I am just too proud to say I need company. I need someone to be with me.
- - - - - - - - -
I don't want to be a strong, independent woman. But I have to put on my protective cover because of the experiences I have with people. I have to protect myself, I have to put on the hard as steel cover, because I have been treaded on too many times.
- - - - - - - - -
Today I spent a good time at friend's house, watching the modern version of Ah Wang (you know, the HK serial where this Guo Jing An is a gong dai boy, with Xuan Xuan as his wife?) And then went to watch I Not Stupid 2.
While watching INS2, I was reminded the conversation I had with Abel K. this morning outside the sanctuary during service. I'm just surprised that this boy, who really drove me up the wall when I was teaching him the last 2 years, has no problems discussing the rationales of different commercial movies with me. I am reminded of the kind of ease tweens have when they talk to me about facts of life, and their openess to hear what I have to say about what they think.
Something for me to think about.
Meantime, life goes on. If the cough doesn't get better tmr, I will have to go see Doctor Tan again to get anti-biotics.
At least, I am thankful now I am not helpless on bed and depressed.
" You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul"
- from Helen Reddy "I Am Woman" -
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home