The Voices Inside My Head
It seemed to repeat itself everytime I see or hear of little achievements of my friends, or people I know, or even, acquaintances.
"Where are you in all these, Joyce?"
"They are already in such-a-such a position now, and you are still a small executive, drawing a miserable salary..."
"They are married, have at least one kid."
"They have their own house."
"They travel and negotiate deals with people overseas."
"Where are you in all these, Joyce?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
No. Please do not attempt to comment that what is more important is who I am, not achievements; not what I have.
Can you sincerely and truthfully tell that to yourself? Can you truthfully admit that what you are as a person is more important that your ability to provide for your family?
I'm sorry. I am more pragmatic. I have outgrown that comment.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The whole thing bugs me because I look back and I realised I am SUCH an underachiever. And no matter how hard I try, I am still lacking behind. And I feel more so when I see the younger generation coming up and catching up so quickly. Taking up responsibility as an adult already, and with me still struggling to keep up.
I feel like a failure at times. It's funny. I tried to do my best. I tried to be nice. I tried to understand. I tried to be understood.
But always ends up "henta kaki-ing". Marching in the same spot. When others have moved, up, up and away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lacking. So HUGELY lacking.
Incompetant. Slacker. Fence-sitter.
I could've been in some status now, if not for my late bloomin'.
My huh-whats-going-on approach to work.
My mind responding to calls that I am just a small fry.
"Don't look at that position. You don't have X years experience. You don't have a degree. You don't have the gift of the gab. You are careless. You can't do it.
You are not good enough."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It's all in the past. Now I have to run doubly quick to catch up. Simply because of the stupid voices in my head that held me back.
Get out, stupid thoughts.
"Where are you in all these, Joyce?"
"They are already in such-a-such a position now, and you are still a small executive, drawing a miserable salary..."
"They are married, have at least one kid."
"They have their own house."
"They travel and negotiate deals with people overseas."
"Where are you in all these, Joyce?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
No. Please do not attempt to comment that what is more important is who I am, not achievements; not what I have.
Can you sincerely and truthfully tell that to yourself? Can you truthfully admit that what you are as a person is more important that your ability to provide for your family?
I'm sorry. I am more pragmatic. I have outgrown that comment.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The whole thing bugs me because I look back and I realised I am SUCH an underachiever. And no matter how hard I try, I am still lacking behind. And I feel more so when I see the younger generation coming up and catching up so quickly. Taking up responsibility as an adult already, and with me still struggling to keep up.
I feel like a failure at times. It's funny. I tried to do my best. I tried to be nice. I tried to understand. I tried to be understood.
But always ends up "henta kaki-ing". Marching in the same spot. When others have moved, up, up and away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lacking. So HUGELY lacking.
Incompetant. Slacker. Fence-sitter.
I could've been in some status now, if not for my late bloomin'.
My huh-whats-going-on approach to work.
My mind responding to calls that I am just a small fry.
"Don't look at that position. You don't have X years experience. You don't have a degree. You don't have the gift of the gab. You are careless. You can't do it.
You are not good enough."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It's all in the past. Now I have to run doubly quick to catch up. Simply because of the stupid voices in my head that held me back.
Get out, stupid thoughts.
Labels: lousy, underachiever, voice in head
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home