Sporadic thoughts...

I did say earlier that I wanted to voice out my concerns of how the church treats it's own people and it's attitude towards itself in the next prayer meeting right? Well, God has his plan or revealing to me how stupid that thought was at the last prayer meeting.

First of all, one event happened to another and while I met Mrs K early to discuss the design of the Christmas musical (I did say I didn't want to do right? But I can't say No... they needed the help. Brgh. Why is my heart so soft?) thereafter, T. told me he need some help on the powerpoint, and then I met C. in the AV room. She said she was assigned to be the powerpoint person at the last minute and she does not know what to do. Me being me... (argh) told her that since i am tidying up the slides, I might as well be the ppt person. She was grateful. And little do I know this is God's plan for me to stay away from the front. (haha.)

The turnout was, to my surprise, a good mix of adults, youths and in-betweens... despite the rain. And I was so prepare to ask the question "Look around you, most of you are in your late 30s or above...". That was God's way of teaching me not to act because I "felt" like it.

And really, the prayer requests that were shared were far more important and urgent that my "vision of the church".

A truly humbling experience. I can't imagine if I were to go ahead with my plan and did what I wanted to do. I guess I'd probably be classified as a fanatic.

And I am grateful that God did it in such a gentle manner.

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I really need a break. I've got so many things on my plate now... Cos my heart is soft. I can't say no...

Sometimes I do think my soft-heartedness is giving me the heartaches. Out of my goodwill to provide, to give, to serve, to give up, to make better all the things for other people, I ignore my own needs and used it to serve others, and sometimes, it goes beyond control and I end up being so so drained up.

I am sure God will never say to make life better for other people is wrong. I dunno is it because I "bak chew pye" (bad eyes) that I always see the needs of others and will think next to nothing to give what I have to that need.

But something needs to be done. I can't just give and give. Others need to learn how to give too. There is only one Joyce.

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I found out the real reason why nobody has done anything on my actual 31st birthday. READ: NO CELEBRATION. I dunno should I think it's lame or what.

It was a story about the Somebodies, Everybody and the Nobodies. Because Somebody thinks that Somebody will surely do it. Nobody did anything, until Somebody send something to Everybody. But Everybody did nothing. And so Nothing was done to a certain Somebody. However, thankfully, there was still a group of Somebodies who did something together with Everybody, so that the certain Somebody can still take comfort that she means something to Somebody.

Even though the celebration was not done on that actual day, at least Something was done.

I've also learnt NEVER TO HAVE HOPE for A GRAND CELEBRATION ON YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY. ON THE ACTUAL DAY SPECIFICALLY. NEVER EXPECT OR HOPE THAT OTHERS WILL REMEMBER YOUR BIRTHDAY AND THAT THEY WILL DO SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL VALUED OR PRECIOUS.

Cos people always have something more important to do than to spend their time with you. Just like what I did to other people in the earlier days.

The most important thing is to acknowledge that being alone can be an enjoyable experience like what I did on my birthday. Yeah, it's costly on the pocket, but I need not have to beg for attention or pity or sympathy.

I did not impose anything on anybody, now that is very important. No guilt on anybody.

That Somebody says she wants to retired from being an organiser. She is too disappointed at the NATO reaction from Everybody. I am not so sure.

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Sitting here, looking down.

My cellulites!! GASP!! YUCKS!!