Maybe... I am meant to be left alone for the rest of my life
Finally remembered what I want to blog about... Two things that are related...
The one about wives and babies....
Have been hearing of or visited friends who got married, or just had a new born... and a really funny thought came to my mind when I saw the couple holding their babies or hear of them have had a new born, or see them ...
There were times when someone tried to matchmake me with the guy/guys who had become a dad... and when I look at this man and his wife, together with their baby, I am just so glad the one holding the baby wasn't me. :) Honest. I will go like "PHEW! Glad I am not his wife, glad we didn't have a relationship, glad I didn't hear the anyhow-say of others and went off with him..." I cannot imagine living my life with that person and how it's gonna be. And also, at the same time, I knew it when I say it.
That I am still not ready for this kinda chim things.. such as getting married.. have kids.. get a house... in fact, the thought of it shudders me... I mean... Yucks... I cannot imagine this kinda me happening to me and this man... glad he is somebody else's husband now.. hahaha..
:))
The one about my lamentations...
Everyday as I walk on the streets, take public transport, take the lift, go to food centres, I see them all...
There is a passage in the bible that goes like this:
----------------------------------------
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced
that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us
from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
----------------------------------------
I am very tempted to invent my own verse that sounds similar to this, but has no relation to the original verse:
----------------------------------------
For I am convinced,
that neither the fat nor the thin,
neither the bitchy or the bossy,
neither the intelligent or the dumb & naive,
nor any lok-koker,
neither the beautiful or the ugly,
nor anything else you could find in all creation,
will be able to lose to Joyce
in her pursue of a relationship.
----------------------------------------
It's really true.. I see some girls who are more ordinary looking, more pimply face then me, more naive then me, more bitchy, more bossy, more intelligent, more dumb/ignorant, more tomboy, more plump, skinnier... I've seen them all.
At some point, I look at myself.. then I look at them. And I have to say, I am better than them in many ways... Generally speaking, there is nothing wrong with me. But why am I walking alone on the street whereas this person has someone to carry her bag, hold her hand, look deep into her eyes... And I have to watch out for traffic, juggling shopping bags at times, holding on to nothing, on a busy street?
How come other people can have it, and I don't have? Sometimes the way they behave makes me laugh... cos I just cannot believe, why someone who is bad-tempered, uncaring, impatient, selfish, dictative, blur, frumpy, old-fashion can have a boyfriend or even a husband, but I don't have?
It is a big question that baffles me for the longest time... Something's wrong, right? And then I was reminded of countless careless comments from people who either ask me when am I going to get hitched or couldn't believe that I do not have a boyfriend.
It's just so funnily ironic... I constantly examine my own attitude and behaviour. Nothing major-ly wrong leh.. So, what's missing in me that made me undesirable?
I have no idea. I can only look across to the girl and her partner and reflect on my own pathetic helplessness.
Pathetic Helpnessness.
Helpless.
Pathetic.
The one about wives and babies....
Have been hearing of or visited friends who got married, or just had a new born... and a really funny thought came to my mind when I saw the couple holding their babies or hear of them have had a new born, or see them ...
There were times when someone tried to matchmake me with the guy/guys who had become a dad... and when I look at this man and his wife, together with their baby, I am just so glad the one holding the baby wasn't me. :) Honest. I will go like "PHEW! Glad I am not his wife, glad we didn't have a relationship, glad I didn't hear the anyhow-say of others and went off with him..." I cannot imagine living my life with that person and how it's gonna be. And also, at the same time, I knew it when I say it.
That I am still not ready for this kinda chim things.. such as getting married.. have kids.. get a house... in fact, the thought of it shudders me... I mean... Yucks... I cannot imagine this kinda me happening to me and this man... glad he is somebody else's husband now.. hahaha..
:))
The one about my lamentations...
Everyday as I walk on the streets, take public transport, take the lift, go to food centres, I see them all...
There is a passage in the bible that goes like this:
----------------------------------------
Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced
that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us
from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
----------------------------------------
I am very tempted to invent my own verse that sounds similar to this, but has no relation to the original verse:
----------------------------------------
For I am convinced,
that neither the fat nor the thin,
neither the bitchy or the bossy,
neither the intelligent or the dumb & naive,
nor any lok-koker,
neither the beautiful or the ugly,
nor anything else you could find in all creation,
will be able to lose to Joyce
in her pursue of a relationship.
----------------------------------------
It's really true.. I see some girls who are more ordinary looking, more pimply face then me, more naive then me, more bitchy, more bossy, more intelligent, more dumb/ignorant, more tomboy, more plump, skinnier... I've seen them all.
At some point, I look at myself.. then I look at them. And I have to say, I am better than them in many ways... Generally speaking, there is nothing wrong with me. But why am I walking alone on the street whereas this person has someone to carry her bag, hold her hand, look deep into her eyes... And I have to watch out for traffic, juggling shopping bags at times, holding on to nothing, on a busy street?
How come other people can have it, and I don't have? Sometimes the way they behave makes me laugh... cos I just cannot believe, why someone who is bad-tempered, uncaring, impatient, selfish, dictative, blur, frumpy, old-fashion can have a boyfriend or even a husband, but I don't have?
It is a big question that baffles me for the longest time... Something's wrong, right? And then I was reminded of countless careless comments from people who either ask me when am I going to get hitched or couldn't believe that I do not have a boyfriend.
It's just so funnily ironic... I constantly examine my own attitude and behaviour. Nothing major-ly wrong leh.. So, what's missing in me that made me undesirable?
I have no idea. I can only look across to the girl and her partner and reflect on my own pathetic helplessness.
Pathetic Helpnessness.
Helpless.
Pathetic.
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When I dare to look at myself in the mirror, I see a sad-looking, ugly and obese man. - D W
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