The Gift Of The Ability To Shut Up
Sometimes, hanging out with my friends/sisters and their husband/boyfriends can be a pretty exasperating experience for me.
I've just returned from a meeting with a couple. While on the way home in their car, we passed by a Hongkong Cafe. The wife mentioned "So many Hongkong cafes nowadays!", the husband responded,"All are just bubble tea." I expressed my view, "No, they don't just sell bubble tea, they sell other things too!".
The husband: No, bubble tea.
Me: No, they have other items too.
The husband: I mean it's like the bubble tea thing, will go off.
Me: I didn't know you meant THAT...
The husband: Only shallow people will think that I meant bubble tea, anyone would know it's the concept I mean...
He then rattled on with his thoughts about the bubbletea concept, of which I immediately switched off, kept silent and looked out to the passing scenery as he go on and on... I am officially pissed.
No way, God, am I going to marry a man like that. And thank you, God, that so far, I do not have to worry about this kind of behaviour expressed to my friends by my significant other.
It's not the first time I kena from this man. Many times during our conversations, he would ignore what I have to say and push his speech through. I felt being put down by him, like he knows much more than me, he is the smarter one, and I am the stupid one, and I/we should listen to him. Snobbish.
In cases like these (it applies not just to the men I know, but also to the women I come across), in fact I know many people who are like that, I would not contribute to the conversation anymore because I realised that this people are not listening. Irritated, I'd keep quiet and let the speaker talk his/her heart out. And let them listen to their own voices.
A silent protest is much more powerful than trying to convince them by engaging in a debate.What you do to me is a true reflection of who you are, so if you do not know that your behaviour is irritating others, I'd let you realise that yourself. I am not going to spend MY time fighting over YOUR problem.
Hence, I am thankful that God gave me the gift of refraining my speech. And the ability to forget about such things till the next incident occur. And the patience to go through the nonsense over and over again, for the sake of my friends. Lots and lots of patience.
But more so, I am thankful that I do not have a boyfriend or a husband like that to feel embarassed for. I cannot accept this kind of behaviour in a man who will be involve in my family life or friendships. Self-centredness and self-praise has no place in my world.
Pride is not self-endorsed. It is a reward given to you when your effort/achievement/wisdom are recognised by others.
This is just one of the example I saw in husbands/boyfriends that is enough to get me shudder in frightening thought that I may end up with a husband/boyfriend like that.
Lord, honesty and kindess are things that are must-haves in my criteria. I cannot be with a man who thinks the world of himself and belittle others. No snob for me please. He may not be a perfect saint, but at least, if he love me, he will be kind to the people who are my family and friends.
Lord, please, please, please... Please don't send me Egoman or Snobman.
Amen!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I've just returned from a meeting with a couple. While on the way home in their car, we passed by a Hongkong Cafe. The wife mentioned "So many Hongkong cafes nowadays!", the husband responded,"All are just bubble tea." I expressed my view, "No, they don't just sell bubble tea, they sell other things too!".
The husband: No, bubble tea.
Me: No, they have other items too.
The husband: I mean it's like the bubble tea thing, will go off.
Me: I didn't know you meant THAT...
The husband: Only shallow people will think that I meant bubble tea, anyone would know it's the concept I mean...
He then rattled on with his thoughts about the bubbletea concept, of which I immediately switched off, kept silent and looked out to the passing scenery as he go on and on... I am officially pissed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
No way, God, am I going to marry a man like that. And thank you, God, that so far, I do not have to worry about this kind of behaviour expressed to my friends by my significant other.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It's not the first time I kena from this man. Many times during our conversations, he would ignore what I have to say and push his speech through. I felt being put down by him, like he knows much more than me, he is the smarter one, and I am the stupid one, and I/we should listen to him. Snobbish.
In cases like these (it applies not just to the men I know, but also to the women I come across), in fact I know many people who are like that, I would not contribute to the conversation anymore because I realised that this people are not listening. Irritated, I'd keep quiet and let the speaker talk his/her heart out. And let them listen to their own voices.
A silent protest is much more powerful than trying to convince them by engaging in a debate.What you do to me is a true reflection of who you are, so if you do not know that your behaviour is irritating others, I'd let you realise that yourself. I am not going to spend MY time fighting over YOUR problem.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hence, I am thankful that God gave me the gift of refraining my speech. And the ability to forget about such things till the next incident occur. And the patience to go through the nonsense over and over again, for the sake of my friends. Lots and lots of patience.
But more so, I am thankful that I do not have a boyfriend or a husband like that to feel embarassed for. I cannot accept this kind of behaviour in a man who will be involve in my family life or friendships. Self-centredness and self-praise has no place in my world.
Pride is not self-endorsed. It is a reward given to you when your effort/achievement/wisdom are recognised by others.
This is just one of the example I saw in husbands/boyfriends that is enough to get me shudder in frightening thought that I may end up with a husband/boyfriend like that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lord, honesty and kindess are things that are must-haves in my criteria. I cannot be with a man who thinks the world of himself and belittle others. No snob for me please. He may not be a perfect saint, but at least, if he love me, he will be kind to the people who are my family and friends.
Lord, please, please, please... Please don't send me Egoman or Snobman.
Amen!
Labels: boyfriends, egoes, friendships, husbands, kindness, relationships, snobbishness, when I am pissed
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