Hugs
I decided that I got a genuine hug today. It came from a lady pastor from church.
The hug was like this. She grabbed me closed to her, and we held on for about 5-7 secs. The hug gave warmth, wasn't too tight, and I felt it sent a message that I am loved. She did tell me that she is a huggy person, and practically everyone who came her way was given a hug.
Before I went to her, I observed how the others in the church hug one another. It started with a them seeing one another, a joyful "Hi!" and "thud!" they had both their arms around each other and gave a bear hug to one another, grabbing the other person tightly. Then for about 5 secs later, they let go of each other, and went on to chat and exchange the ever-so-friendly "how are yous" and other things about what happened to them, or their ministry lately.
It wasn't a display of friendliness as most Singaporeans do, you know, the one arm around your shoulder, and getting it off in like 2 seconds. (I remember one of my ex-colleague commented "Singaporeans hug with one arm only".) It was more like a "I am sooo glad to see you, here's my hug to show you what I mean" kinda hug.
I am one person who is shy to hug, but longs for it often. Our culture does not see hugging as a spontaneous show of affection to our loved ones. To us, it's an intrusion of personal space, and "who gives you permission to touch me?" for the women, and "would she think I am trying to take advantage of her?" for the men.
It's the defence mechanism built in us. Letting others hug us means letting our defences down. It means we open ourselves to anything good or bad, metaphorically speaking.
(At this point, I'd like to mention that I also received a hug from a young man from the church last week. Also a genuine hug too.)
When I was going through depression, I need more than a shoulder to lean on. I relish a hug too. A hug to experience a feeling of being safely protected from the storms and the sadness and everything that threatens to squash us.
I think this church will be the place that I learnt to be THE HUGGER too.
The hug was like this. She grabbed me closed to her, and we held on for about 5-7 secs. The hug gave warmth, wasn't too tight, and I felt it sent a message that I am loved. She did tell me that she is a huggy person, and practically everyone who came her way was given a hug.
Before I went to her, I observed how the others in the church hug one another. It started with a them seeing one another, a joyful "Hi!" and "thud!" they had both their arms around each other and gave a bear hug to one another, grabbing the other person tightly. Then for about 5 secs later, they let go of each other, and went on to chat and exchange the ever-so-friendly "how are yous" and other things about what happened to them, or their ministry lately.
It wasn't a display of friendliness as most Singaporeans do, you know, the one arm around your shoulder, and getting it off in like 2 seconds. (I remember one of my ex-colleague commented "Singaporeans hug with one arm only".) It was more like a "I am sooo glad to see you, here's my hug to show you what I mean" kinda hug.
I am one person who is shy to hug, but longs for it often. Our culture does not see hugging as a spontaneous show of affection to our loved ones. To us, it's an intrusion of personal space, and "who gives you permission to touch me?" for the women, and "would she think I am trying to take advantage of her?" for the men.
It's the defence mechanism built in us. Letting others hug us means letting our defences down. It means we open ourselves to anything good or bad, metaphorically speaking.
(At this point, I'd like to mention that I also received a hug from a young man from the church last week. Also a genuine hug too.)
When I was going through depression, I need more than a shoulder to lean on. I relish a hug too. A hug to experience a feeling of being safely protected from the storms and the sadness and everything that threatens to squash us.
I think this church will be the place that I learnt to be THE HUGGER too.
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