Lashing Tongue and V Day Pre-
Those who know me well would know a side of me that can sometimes turn people off.
In the past, I have offended some friends with my tongue, and have also encourage others along the way. I have the tendency to tell my close friends off about their weaknesses, bad habits or when they are not doing things right (the way I see it, that is). And when I uncover those, my comments can be really straightforward, and most of the time, piercing. I don't beat around the bush to tell them what I think is not right with them, and beseige them to turn from their "ways" and change for the better.
My rationale is this: Because we are such good friends, it is my responsible to tell you that certain part of you is not right, and that you should put it right, for your own good. Those who are not close friend with you wouldn't care two hoots about your weaknesses.
I will do my part to be blunt about the weakness, and give my utmost advice where it is needed. I consider that, my responsibility. And if you do not take my word, all I can say is, I've done my part, the rest is up to you, take it or leave it. It's your life.
While most of the time, those who couldn't understand this habit of mine would just pack up and leave the friendship, those who took them all in have remained good friends of mine. I am not glorifying myself to be the "saviour" of these people's life. Rather, I prefer to think that they appreciate the candidness of mine, and the no holds barr.
I still keep the friendship of those who wouldn't listen; but things would've changed. I would not bother to tell these people their weaknesses anymore. I'd let them do all the talking, and I'd just smile and listen. Ultimately, they will have to bear the consequences of their actions. If they so choose to learn it the hard way, it's not my responsibility anymore.
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Anyway, the reason I wrote this is because of a P's friend R. Last Thursday, we gathered for a sushi buffet dinner at Tokyo Restaurant, Amara Shopping Centre (sorry, no pics, cos phone is going for operation). I find her words do not match her thoughts, at all.
She's having a difficult time with her superior at her current office, is preparing herself for an accountancy exam in June, is on the lookout for new jobs, and single. Over dinner, she kept complaining about her work, and that she has resigned to her life. On top of that, she brought the subject again about some of her "missed" romance, and said that she has "missed the boat". On one hand, she claims that she is not worried about single life, but on the other hand, she kept harping on the "missed the boat" idea and that she wishes to be married and settled down. When she gets the attention of the opposite gender (sorry, I find the word "sex" erm...) at work, one that she does not fancy, she would play ice queen to the subject and kept things official. She is the kind of person who would not go behave friendly to her business associates.
So P and I were sitting opposite her, together with PS, another friend, adviced her to expand her social circle, and to go out and meet people, without the intention to be married to the man. R said no, she is not the kind of person who would be friendly to strangers.
So we told her, you need to start to be friendly first, not just would it increase her opportunity, it would also make things easier at the workplace, if it's at office. She insists/defends that she is not the kind who would make the first step, and brought up the whole issue of "missed the boat" again. And the whole issue went on and on, and finally, I gave up.
Her stubborness will not help her. For me, I thought it is so undeserving of her to be locked into a past. She is a pleasant girl, and it's a pity that she allowed herself to be bounded by her negative past, instead of enjoying the future. And it's a pity that she acknowledges that she has attitude problem and insist that it is her character, and refuses to accept suggestions so that she can be happier that she is now. Sad that she would rather remain status quo then to make changes to her life.
From now onwards, I would just listen without commenting on whatever she says. I've done my part, but if she will not listen, there is nothing else for me to do anymore. I respect her as a friend, but I think her refusal to change for the better will hurt her hard someday. But if that's the way it will be, then so be it.
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Oh yah hor, 2 more days to Valentine's Day.
This year, I don't feel sad as last year. Whoopee! ;) I don't feel cynical either, another Whoopee! I mean, really, there's no point condemning the occasion of the lovers, right? They didn't do anything wrong.
Anyway, I also no time to let my imagination run wild. Too busy at work and so many things going on to feel dejected and abandoned and alone.
I've been thinking of writing a romantic short story this year, but alas, no time.
But who knows, maybe I'll try.
In the past, I have offended some friends with my tongue, and have also encourage others along the way. I have the tendency to tell my close friends off about their weaknesses, bad habits or when they are not doing things right (the way I see it, that is). And when I uncover those, my comments can be really straightforward, and most of the time, piercing. I don't beat around the bush to tell them what I think is not right with them, and beseige them to turn from their "ways" and change for the better.
My rationale is this: Because we are such good friends, it is my responsible to tell you that certain part of you is not right, and that you should put it right, for your own good. Those who are not close friend with you wouldn't care two hoots about your weaknesses.
I will do my part to be blunt about the weakness, and give my utmost advice where it is needed. I consider that, my responsibility. And if you do not take my word, all I can say is, I've done my part, the rest is up to you, take it or leave it. It's your life.
While most of the time, those who couldn't understand this habit of mine would just pack up and leave the friendship, those who took them all in have remained good friends of mine. I am not glorifying myself to be the "saviour" of these people's life. Rather, I prefer to think that they appreciate the candidness of mine, and the no holds barr.
I still keep the friendship of those who wouldn't listen; but things would've changed. I would not bother to tell these people their weaknesses anymore. I'd let them do all the talking, and I'd just smile and listen. Ultimately, they will have to bear the consequences of their actions. If they so choose to learn it the hard way, it's not my responsibility anymore.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Anyway, the reason I wrote this is because of a P's friend R. Last Thursday, we gathered for a sushi buffet dinner at Tokyo Restaurant, Amara Shopping Centre (sorry, no pics, cos phone is going for operation). I find her words do not match her thoughts, at all.
She's having a difficult time with her superior at her current office, is preparing herself for an accountancy exam in June, is on the lookout for new jobs, and single. Over dinner, she kept complaining about her work, and that she has resigned to her life. On top of that, she brought the subject again about some of her "missed" romance, and said that she has "missed the boat". On one hand, she claims that she is not worried about single life, but on the other hand, she kept harping on the "missed the boat" idea and that she wishes to be married and settled down. When she gets the attention of the opposite gender (sorry, I find the word "sex" erm...) at work, one that she does not fancy, she would play ice queen to the subject and kept things official. She is the kind of person who would not go behave friendly to her business associates.
So P and I were sitting opposite her, together with PS, another friend, adviced her to expand her social circle, and to go out and meet people, without the intention to be married to the man. R said no, she is not the kind of person who would be friendly to strangers.
So we told her, you need to start to be friendly first, not just would it increase her opportunity, it would also make things easier at the workplace, if it's at office. She insists/defends that she is not the kind who would make the first step, and brought up the whole issue of "missed the boat" again. And the whole issue went on and on, and finally, I gave up.
Her stubborness will not help her. For me, I thought it is so undeserving of her to be locked into a past. She is a pleasant girl, and it's a pity that she allowed herself to be bounded by her negative past, instead of enjoying the future. And it's a pity that she acknowledges that she has attitude problem and insist that it is her character, and refuses to accept suggestions so that she can be happier that she is now. Sad that she would rather remain status quo then to make changes to her life.
From now onwards, I would just listen without commenting on whatever she says. I've done my part, but if she will not listen, there is nothing else for me to do anymore. I respect her as a friend, but I think her refusal to change for the better will hurt her hard someday. But if that's the way it will be, then so be it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Oh yah hor, 2 more days to Valentine's Day.
This year, I don't feel sad as last year. Whoopee! ;) I don't feel cynical either, another Whoopee! I mean, really, there's no point condemning the occasion of the lovers, right? They didn't do anything wrong.
Anyway, I also no time to let my imagination run wild. Too busy at work and so many things going on to feel dejected and abandoned and alone.
I've been thinking of writing a romantic short story this year, but alas, no time.
But who knows, maybe I'll try.
Labels: friends, honesty, responsible, tongue, valentine
3 Comments:
You see?? There is a purpose behind the busyness!!
...and you should never feel abandoned - you're never alone...
Thank you, Anon! Have a happy V-day!
Why thank you! and may yours be everything you wish for!
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