Stuck In The Middle

“恨”已经不是理由了。只觉得自己和他们的距离，越来越远。。。

相见时，我们没几个投机的话题。只是互相打个照面，微笑。当主人不在时，应时的客套话，偶尔填补了矛盾的寂静。

我，已渐渐成为他们的过去。。。

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I have a flurry of thoughts floating through my mind for the entire day. But the thoughts were overshadowed by the work process, these thoughts scurried by and they disappeared.

Because of the hormonal changes that are going on in the body of yours truly this week (and possibly next week too), I have been having shots of melancholic, hunger and indecisiveness everyday.

[Indecisive] Picking the attire to wear for work can take half an hour in the morning! :S

[Hungry] Cravings. Eat with regret. Eat somemore. Don't care liao. Eh, why still feel hungry?!

[Melancholic] Think. Ponder. Wonder. Reminiscence. Review. Ok, why me? Why not the others? Why didn't I do that? Why am I still like this?Big sigh.

The Solutions/Remedies:

[Indecisiveness] Go with the first choice.

[Hunger] Obey hunger. Find and satisfy cravings. (There is no point resisting, because it will get worse.) Chocolates.

[Melancholic] Stay away from shopping centres. Go home to finish homework. Telling myself that there are better things to do then to spend my time aimlessly.
Usually, I will end up wondering why am I grumbling about being single when I am the one who is staying out of the party. Sighed inside. Swirls hormones.

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I have been having hawker style western food for lunch for the past 2 days. It started out as a da-bao for colleague. Then yesterday I tried the mushroom chicken. Mmmm.. Superb! Today, I was still craving for the mushroom sauce *Mushrooms!!* But tried the black pepper chicken instead. Just as good.

As a result of my frequent patronising, the lady at the stall began to be comfortable talking to me. Or maybe it's because I "made" her talk to me. Haha! Cos whenever I wait for the food, I will try to strike up a conversation with her, on anything. As a result, they gave me extra baked potatoes whenever I order from her. Hee.... :)

They are the 2nd stall from the hawker centre that I have begun to make friends with. That was the Soon Kueh old couple earlier. Nowadays, if I pass by their stall, they will also smile at me. Just last Tuesday, I asked uncle how come they didn't open their stall on Monday, he told me they went to "See-Bai-Boh" (Singapore General Hospital) to see doctor for 心脏病. I think for Aunty's heart. And they told me they waited from 11am to 4pm. Like that of course cannot open store lah...

Then, this western food couple... Don't know they couple anot lah, but I anyhow guess. The lady told me the chef was originally from The American Club, and they have been there for 6 months. And they rest on Saturdays, but open on Sundays too, because there is the church crowd.

I don't know since when did this little "networking" with people started. I suspect it came naturally ever since I turned 30. At my age, I can't be "shy" and "innocent" anymore. Somehow, people expect women of my age to be responsible, confident, capable, sociable, streetwise etc etc.

I didn't survey. It's just a gut feeling. As such, alot of times, I can feel unspoken "expectations" from me. Younger people will look at me and expect me to make a stand, say something, pay for something, make a decision for the group etc. The more mature people will look at me and expect me to be responsible, make good decisions, offer an intelligent argument or POV, etc.

Stuck in middle. But I think I am quite adapt to it now. Just talk lor. I don't know how all these networking will help me, especially when I "network" with people who sell food. Haha :) But it does make the food buying much easier. Or for that matter, anything kind of shopping.

A thought just came and drifted off. Sheesh.