It's Just Not Me

I had a weird dream when I took a short nap after watching the Portugal-France match. No, I didn't dreamt of Zidane or Cristiano Ronaldo.

I actually dreamt of a friend from PC come over to tell me that he is in love with me. And I am like, hello, you ok anot? Don't anyhow anyhow lah, siao eh. Me? I have zilch romantic feelings about this guy. Cos he never scored well in my criteria for steadiness and stability. He is emotionally very unstable.

So anyway, in the dream, he tried to like get close to me or whatever lah. Which I tell him, please don't try to be funny. I don't want other people to misunderstood. I have no feelings for you lor. Then after a few changing scenes later, I woke up.

I have been trying to diagnose whether the dream has anything to do with what I have been thinking of in my subconscious. I think maybe it does.

First of all, the name of the friend was mentioned when I had lunch with some friends from PC few days ago. We were just talking about the whereabouts of people around age group who are or used to be from PC. This friend's name was mentioned but we didn't talk further. So there, thats why his name come up.

Next, the part where he follow me closely. I think it came up cos earlier yesterday, a supplier was trying to get something out of me. We were having some brief chat about the game and he said, wah, finaly found someone to talk about World Cup. Then he said France will win last night's game. And said if France win Portugal "Let's go cheong lah, if France win tonight, want anot?"

And I am like... Huh? Cheong with you? Er... Then boss gave me the answer to the question the supplier asked, which I relayed and quickly, I said goodbye to him and hung up the phone.

Shivers. I don't like him. Even though he is salesman friendly. And because he is salesman friendly. And also uncle-like. I cannot stand it. SoEven if all the men have gone Brokeback, he will be the last person I will never want to go cheong with him.

Yucks. Maybe that's where I get the part of the PC friend following me around. I feel that I am being watched by that supplier. Yucks.

Last, about the friend saying he is in love with me. I think it's just my subconscious of longing for someone. That, I don't deny. Just not with this friend. Never will. We don't even contact each other anyway.

So there, some dream intepretation for you.

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The supplier's comment had me thinking.

Maybe I should go cheong with him. Go ka cai tao (chop carrot, meaning take advantage of him). Since he is willing to let me chop. Haha... That's why some of my irc friends used to do when I first started hanging out with them. And it's true, you'd be surprise that some men are very generous to any kind girl.

I am trying to imagine what would it be like to really go all out to ka cai tao from these kinda men. I never tried it before, because I never believe in doing that. There are definitely strings attached to these kinda favours. I am not ready, nor willing, to entertain that kinda thing.

It's just not me.

I mean, any girl can do this kinda thing if they want to. Really. It's rather easy to get guys to do things for girls, if we just open up and be... "inviting". I have tried to be less tensed up, but I can never be au natural doing it.

It's just not me.