It's A Matchless Night
So I blog.
I don't know is it because I feel tired or what, GA doesn't seemed interesting tonight. Meredith did an intro about lying and so the story was supposed to be on lies people say, because the truth hurts. But I thought a story of similar tone was used before in the series.
So anyway, I thought the episode tonight was boring. The only thing that had me sat down here typing this blog to you is an interesting observation Burke made about Meredith. He said that Cristina, being a strong person, finds it easy to talk to Meredith, her "best friend". And I am like... Huh, since when were they best friends? But I guess, spending time together, sharing the relationship issues with one another, each in love with man of the same workplace, does validate the title. Only thing is... I don't see it between Meredith and Cristina.
Then, I thought to myself. Maybe I am like a Meredith to alot of people. Ya know, just listen and talk to them, giving them a comfortable outlet to share without prejudice whatsoever. But just because you share your life story with another person doesn't automatically made him or her a "best friend", does it?
I know I never like the title "best friend". Because I have never kept "best friends".
I had a very very close friend in primary school. Her name is Janet. We are very close and share practically everything together. We both started out as very quiet and shy girls, not in the "in" crowd. Then came a time, my envy of the "in" crowd became stronger and I wanted to be a part of them. So I started to join those girls to play and moved away from Janet, cos I thought she is getting boring. I forego our recess time sitting together, playing zero-point and even buying little tidbits from the makeshift stall outside our school. Yes, I commited a crime and dumped my best friend.
PSLE came and went, Janet moved from Telok Blangah to Yishun Ring Road. We exchanged a few letters in between, and then lost contact. Apparently she was quite a runner and a brilliant student. I guess she found better friends in her new secondary school later.
Secondary school:
Without Janet, I gotta start to know new friends from the new school. I felt no one likes me in NPCC, cos I am too darn quiet. And boring. But because my proficiency in the Chinese language is rather good, I soon became popular with the kids who go tea dances (ie. who don't do their homework to passup on time). One of them was as good as me in the language, and we join 2 other ah lians (technically one of them is not ah lian, but she is rather well-off, but parents are always away. Or so I think.) We go hang out at Marina Square, pon-tan classes, the most significant event being I hung out with them till 6am in the morning after our mass school choir performance at the National Day parade in 1988. Mom was angry. Music Teacher even called me to her office and told me she never expected me to do this. I had no answer for her when she asked me why. To me, being able to hang out with the girls is almost a dream come true. And what more, till 6am!
You know secondary school. Friendships are very dramatic things. One moment you thought you are best friends with this group, then suddenly, you found yourself alone. This happened to me eventually. The other girl whom I considered a best friend, dropped me soon after I started to turn off their offers to hang out. At that time, knowing my pocket money is limited, I do not want to go out and spent my mother's hard-earned money. Maybe they think because of that, I am not a part of them.
So. plonk. I was dropped. By then, "best friends" has been wipped off from my vocabulary. I still keep the journals where I wrote my bitterness over the friendship lost. It was childish as I flipped open the little notebooks again, but the feelings were raw and true.
We went to different classes at secondary three. I made new good friends who lived around my neighbourhood. We take the bus together, have breakfast together, did homework together, steal into the school at night to "study" together with the other sec 4s... Then after "O"s, we parted ways. One went to a Pre-U, the other two of us went off to work. Y. started to hang out with her colleagues, E. with his classmates, and me... I worked as a salesgirl, with odd hours, absolutely difficult to hang out with them.
Slowly we drifted. I started to use "good friends" whenever people mentioned them.
Everyone knows when you started to work, "best friends" are even harder to keep. And colleagues may not necessary end up as even "friends" after you parted ways.
Till this day, I am still telling people, almost proudly, "I don't believe in best friends. But I do have some good friends"
There was a time when IRC friends cleared the air for me, and I thought finally, I can have longstanding friendships. So I thought I had made more "good friends".
"Good friends" now are either married, have kids, or are attached to be married. No matter how "good friends" they are to me, I will now have to settle for 7th or 8th placing in their schedule of people-to-meet. I don't even meet some of them anymore. Sometimes I was excluded, other times, I find no common chatting topic with them in gatherings, might as well don't appear. They won't miss me if I don't appear anyway.
I know, I cannot be so ridiculous as to demand that they spent time with me. I am just... speechless at how fast people move in and out of my life :)
And now I am going to go sleep with my best friend. Myself.
I don't know is it because I feel tired or what, GA doesn't seemed interesting tonight. Meredith did an intro about lying and so the story was supposed to be on lies people say, because the truth hurts. But I thought a story of similar tone was used before in the series.
So anyway, I thought the episode tonight was boring. The only thing that had me sat down here typing this blog to you is an interesting observation Burke made about Meredith. He said that Cristina, being a strong person, finds it easy to talk to Meredith, her "best friend". And I am like... Huh, since when were they best friends? But I guess, spending time together, sharing the relationship issues with one another, each in love with man of the same workplace, does validate the title. Only thing is... I don't see it between Meredith and Cristina.
Then, I thought to myself. Maybe I am like a Meredith to alot of people. Ya know, just listen and talk to them, giving them a comfortable outlet to share without prejudice whatsoever. But just because you share your life story with another person doesn't automatically made him or her a "best friend", does it?
I know I never like the title "best friend". Because I have never kept "best friends".
I had a very very close friend in primary school. Her name is Janet. We are very close and share practically everything together. We both started out as very quiet and shy girls, not in the "in" crowd. Then came a time, my envy of the "in" crowd became stronger and I wanted to be a part of them. So I started to join those girls to play and moved away from Janet, cos I thought she is getting boring. I forego our recess time sitting together, playing zero-point and even buying little tidbits from the makeshift stall outside our school. Yes, I commited a crime and dumped my best friend.
PSLE came and went, Janet moved from Telok Blangah to Yishun Ring Road. We exchanged a few letters in between, and then lost contact. Apparently she was quite a runner and a brilliant student. I guess she found better friends in her new secondary school later.
Secondary school:
Without Janet, I gotta start to know new friends from the new school. I felt no one likes me in NPCC, cos I am too darn quiet. And boring. But because my proficiency in the Chinese language is rather good, I soon became popular with the kids who go tea dances (ie. who don't do their homework to passup on time). One of them was as good as me in the language, and we join 2 other ah lians (technically one of them is not ah lian, but she is rather well-off, but parents are always away. Or so I think.) We go hang out at Marina Square, pon-tan classes, the most significant event being I hung out with them till 6am in the morning after our mass school choir performance at the National Day parade in 1988. Mom was angry. Music Teacher even called me to her office and told me she never expected me to do this. I had no answer for her when she asked me why. To me, being able to hang out with the girls is almost a dream come true. And what more, till 6am!
You know secondary school. Friendships are very dramatic things. One moment you thought you are best friends with this group, then suddenly, you found yourself alone. This happened to me eventually. The other girl whom I considered a best friend, dropped me soon after I started to turn off their offers to hang out. At that time, knowing my pocket money is limited, I do not want to go out and spent my mother's hard-earned money. Maybe they think because of that, I am not a part of them.
So. plonk. I was dropped. By then, "best friends" has been wipped off from my vocabulary. I still keep the journals where I wrote my bitterness over the friendship lost. It was childish as I flipped open the little notebooks again, but the feelings were raw and true.
We went to different classes at secondary three. I made new good friends who lived around my neighbourhood. We take the bus together, have breakfast together, did homework together, steal into the school at night to "study" together with the other sec 4s... Then after "O"s, we parted ways. One went to a Pre-U, the other two of us went off to work. Y. started to hang out with her colleagues, E. with his classmates, and me... I worked as a salesgirl, with odd hours, absolutely difficult to hang out with them.
Slowly we drifted. I started to use "good friends" whenever people mentioned them.
Everyone knows when you started to work, "best friends" are even harder to keep. And colleagues may not necessary end up as even "friends" after you parted ways.
Till this day, I am still telling people, almost proudly, "I don't believe in best friends. But I do have some good friends"
There was a time when IRC friends cleared the air for me, and I thought finally, I can have longstanding friendships. So I thought I had made more "good friends".
"Good friends" now are either married, have kids, or are attached to be married. No matter how "good friends" they are to me, I will now have to settle for 7th or 8th placing in their schedule of people-to-meet. I don't even meet some of them anymore. Sometimes I was excluded, other times, I find no common chatting topic with them in gatherings, might as well don't appear. They won't miss me if I don't appear anyway.
I know, I cannot be so ridiculous as to demand that they spent time with me. I am just... speechless at how fast people move in and out of my life :)
And now I am going to go sleep with my best friend. Myself.
3 Comments:
thanks for "watching" me. =)
best friends do exist. it's only when you are older that you realise who are the best friends that exist in ur life. and a best friend doesn't need to be always by ur side. A best friend knows you best even after years, and it is up to both parties to make the effort to catch up with one another. I have lotsa good friends, but i know hu my best friends are. =)
Haha... Sorry "watch" maybe a bit too impersonal. But I do visit yr blog often... Thanks for the comment on "best friends". I wish I have friends who bother to know me, really. I know it's hard to ask of that from everyone. I will continue to hope though. :)
Haiz. It happens, you see lesser of buddies as one age and have other priorities in life. Oh well.
A best friend is darn hard to find. Which makes them all the more precious.
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